AHH! Help! Am I in mortal sin?

[Ziggamafu]

Ok. My first confession was last Saturday. Now I'm freaked that I might be in mortal sin, meaning I can't receive my first communion - which I've been waiting for a year and a half! And now I hear that the Church doesn't practice any Sacraments until next Monday! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ok. Since my first Confession, I have tried SO hard to be perfect. I felt so clean that I immediately became intensely scrupulous, having a difficult distinguishing minor matter from grave. So I got really scared, hurt, and angry at myself when I caught myself swearing (a bad habit), going 4-10mph over the speed limit (another bad habit), raising my voice at people (my mom and wife included), losing patience, letting a tempting thought (especially lust-oriented) sit in my head for too long, participating in dirty jokes or lewd behavior at work...I even got nervous that I was lusting after my own wife!!! Now, when I noticed what I was doing in any of these cases, I immediately stopped, felt bad, and prayed about it - that also counts for this following situation; and this is the situation that has me most concerned: yesterday, at work, (I work in a warehouse full of VERY secular men and you can imagine the atmosphere) some guy was looking for pics of women to lust after on the internet. I reminded him he shouldn't be doing that. But then - I have NO idea why - I mentioned a girl's name to type into Google that I knew would produce porn. I actually got this guy to type it in and when the pics popped up, I looked at them for a couple seconds (enjoying it) and then my eyes widened in shock and horror at what I had done. I'm pretty sure I literally jumped away and started yelling "I can't believe I just did that! UGH!!!"

I'm telling you, my mind must have been absolutely BLANK during those few seconds that I suggested that and helped another guy fall. I haven't dwelled in thought on what I saw and I haven't been impure with myself. But I'm really down for what happened. I think it was like I was caught up in the humor of the moment or something...at that warehouse, there has always been a habit of this kind of stuff and I've become very desensitized and used to it. It just happens without me thinking. Now I'm freaked out and depressed that I can't get to confession and might have to abstain from my first communion at Easter vigil!

Am I in mortal sin???

[Pio Nono]

JMJ
3/24 - Holy Thursday

Ziggamafu,

In the end, only the penitent can tell whether he is in a state of mortal sin. Many priests will still hear confessions on Good Friday, so there's no need to worry. Also, don't freak out - if you ask a priest to hear your confession, he can only deny for a good reason, and I'm not certain if "it's the Triduum" counts.

To address your case specifically, just remember the general rule that, for something to be a mortal sin, one must have (a) committed an act that (b) meets three requirements - (i) grave matter, (ii) full knowledge of the act and (iii) full consent of your will. Grave matter is usually anything that (a) is actually an act and (b) violates directly one of the Ten Commandments. Old habits can tend to mitigate the "full consent" piece.

In fine, if you think you need to get to confession, then find a priest and ask him. Hope this helps.

Yours,
Pio Nono