How much more carp do I have to take?

[Matt Black]

1. My grandmother, to whom I was very close (she was to all intents and purposes in loco parentis to me after my mother died when I was 3) died in November

2. My son was born a month later. Now that in isolation is a good thing but not in the context of (a) not giving me time to properly grieve for my grandmother (b) traumatic labour and birth lasting 45 hours, wife losing 31/2 pints of blood and son being in neo-natal intensive care for 3 days afterwards and © see below.

3. I'm self-employed. That means I don't get paternity leave. That's OK; I was just going to take the odd block of a couple of days of annual leave off per week for the first few weeks of the Blacket's life to (a) help Mrs Black recover and (b) spend time with Blacket. But at the beginning of week two, my business partner goes into hospital with high blood pressure for a week, so bang goes my leave. Oh, and I have to cover his work too. And if one more member of my NCT class or anyone else for that matter says the words "paternity leave" or "have you gone back to work yet?" I will smack them one.

4. My sister, who was supposed to be coming down to help out and stay, then has to have a surprise operation to fix her abdominal muscles' she also manages to crack her pelvis.

5. My stepmother, who was supposed to be coming down last week for same purpose, manages to hit herself in the face with a hammer whilst doing DIY.

6. I was until yesterday planning on taking next Wednesday off as part of my above 'leave plan', but my one and only other work colleague's wife had a brain haemorrhage in the early hours of yesterday morning and is now at death's door; even if she recovers she is likely to be a basketcase (in his words) requiring his fulltime care. So I'm covering his work too.

7. Meanwhile, Mrs Black and I are progressively physically and emotionally disintegrating (Mrs B more so than me being breastfeeding and not fully recovered from the birth, but today I have a splitting headache, nausea, and have had about four hours' sleep and my clients and my colleague's clients seem to have all discovered that marvellous invention of Alexander Graham Bell - a pox on his name! - simultaneously); the Blacket seems intent on being content with feeding every 2-3 hours, night and day, and we are at our wits' end

8. Meanwhile also, several esteemed members of our church, those wonderful people of God, seem to think that all is marvellous and why don't we and the Blacket turn up more often to church - comments like "We didn't see you at church this morning" are really bloody helpful

So, my question, Lord, is "how much more of this blatant piss-taking are we meant to take before you've had your laugh?"

Yours in Christ (just)

Matt, pissed-off, fed-up, knackered, over-worked, dismally failing to look after an emotionally and physically over-wrought wife, headache and sickness-wracked, client-bothered etc bloody etc

Edited February 18, 2005 by Matt Black

[cmotherofpirl]

Ok
basic rules for a new baby.


#1 Mom feeds the baby, you feed yourself and Mom.
#2 You occasionally wash dishes and do launrdy so you are tolerable to the outside world.
Forget any other housework. Nothing matters except rule # 1 and 2.

You don't have to do housework, recieve company, go to church or anything else. Tell those wonderful people at church you would really appreciate a casserole etc in other words you need HELP!!! Call your pastors wife.!!!

Newborns do nurse every 2-3 hours depending on body weight. The best thing for wifey is to concentrate on relaxing and feeding munchkin - nothing else is important. She should move between the sofa , the bed, and refrigerator. Soft music and a glass of wine at 4 pm help as well.

Breastfeeding speeds recovery of the mom, so she will feel better faster. You can only do so much work, call a temp agency in to relieve your stress at work if at all possible.

Hug and prayers, you will survive!!!!

Edited February 18, 2005 by cmotherofpirl

[Brother Adam]

And offer all of your suffering up to the Lord.

We're praying for you.

[Phazzan]

Wow, it really sounds like your business partner is going through a tough time.

[Christina]

Wow, concidering cmotherofpirl's advice.... my hubby did great!



Prayers

[heyyoimjohnny]

Sounds like you could use some grace. *prays*

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote]You don't have to do housework, recieve company, go to church or anything else.[/quote]

Unless you become Catholic...then go to Mass...best graces in all the world to help you cope with anything.

[Isadore96]

Could be worse. Look at what Christ had to go through. But I sure hope things get better for you. Keep toughing it out, try to offer it up as a sacrifice.

[Meggie]

Ask your neighbors and friends and church community for help.
Don't be afraid to ask. Just ask for meals or something...it might seem hard to ask but it will be worth it. When my mom had cancer and I had to act even more like a mom some neighbors brought over meals which helped on my sanity alot since I was also trying to finish school and watch a 1 year old neighbor.
The infant days will pass, the constant feedings, etc....then there will be other struggels. My prayers are certinally with you as you cope with your new family and worry about their ills.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. Even for your business, see if you can get a retired person from your church to help for a while even if its simple stuff like answering phone calls it will help.

[Birgitta Noel]

Oh Matt, hang in there. I know that sometimes it seems as if God gives us more than we can handle. Take a deep breath and take it one hour at a time. And the next time someone asks, is there anything we can do to help say "Yes!" and tell them what you need, i.e., we could really use someone to go to the Sainsburys and get groceries, or could you pick up some more diapers (nappies I think you call them)? Or we haven't had a real meal in weeks, do you mind picking up take away for us? People just need to be told what to do.

I'm not trying to play a game of one upsmanship by sharing this (I think you'd win anyways ) but the day before thanksgiving we lost my Grandfather who was living with Mom and Dad and 12 days later we lost my Dad (there's a lot to this that makes it even more traumatic then it sounds of course). Then in Jan I had a miscarriage. My friend Tina asked, "Haven't you had enough?" I sure thought so, but God sees otherwise. I sure don't see His wisdom, but I know he wants us to trust in Him.

And yes, the next time someone from Church asks where you've been, tell them, in short form of course, and finish with something subtle like, "But with your help we'll pull through."

You're in my prayers.

[myduwigd]

Here, let me pray this blessing over you and your family:
Psalm 90:15-17
In Jesus' name amen!

[Cathurian]

Praying for you So are Mother Mary and all the angels and saints!

[littlewilli]

Suffering is the very best gift He has to give to us. He gives it only to His chosen friends.
~St. Therese of Lisieux

They say that God only gives people hard situations to those who He feels can handle it...so He must think very highly of you...

The only advice I have for you is to just truly try, especially now during Lent, to unite this time of suffering with that of Jesus...it may seem hard now...but suffering can really be a beautiful thing...

as for the rest of us...we will pray for you and everything that you are going through...you are definately not alone...we gotcha...

May God bless you and the saints and angels and Our Holy Mother pray for you.

[jezic]

My view would be simplicity.

It is obvious there are so many things outside of your control, so just give the whole thing over to God.

Live in the moment and do what needs to be done now, now. The stuff that can wait, you can save for later.

When stuff gets to be to much, close yourself in a dark room and just tell God about it. The story about how he provides for the birds comes to my mind. He has given you the strength you need to get through this. Rely on it.

prayers.

[Lil Red]

i just wanted to let you know that i'm praying for you and your family -_-