homosexuality

[Guest shekina1c619]

I completely believe that unnaturally sterile sex is wrong and that is why I believe homosexual sex is wrong (along with contraception, oral sex, masturbation, etc.). My big question is [b]what are homosexuals supposed to do?[/b] Are they supposed to pretend to be heterosexual? Are they supposed to pray to be "turned" heterosexual? Are they supposed to live alone their whole life? Are they supposed to enter into the religious life?

I believe God thinks it's okay for homosexuals to love each other, commit to each other, cuddle and kiss in a loving (not lustful) manner, and be emotionally intimate with one another. Another post said the Church says homosexually emotional intimacy is wrong. [b]But if two people of the same sex are incapable of loving and being emotionally intimate with people of the opposite sex, why can't they be emotionally intimate and committed to each other?[/b] I'm a college freshmen studying to be a Catholic youth minister but I feel that my disagreement with the church on this topic may be an obstacle to being the best youth minister I can be.

Thank you.

In Him,
Alison

[Adeodatus]

Dear Alison,

Homosexuals are human beings like the rest of us. So they are called to the same things as the rest of humanity.

Heterosexual Christians have the possibility of contracting the sacrament of Marriage. They are called to marital chastity. Single people, whether heterosexual or homosexual, are called to a life of chastity according to their state, i.e. chaste single life.

The ideal relationship is our relationship with God, and He draws us into friendship with Himself. This is an astounding idea, because friendship can only exist between equals, and it shows God's utter love for us that He became what we are so that we might become as He is. He wants to share His own divine life with us---and we do not know what this means, except that it's beyond our imagining capacities in this world. By our baptism we already share in this divine life, but will live it fully in heaven.

So within marriage, the ideal is also friendship, for a husband and wife to be equal partners, different and complementary to each other, but equal. Likewise, in chaste relationships of single people, whether they are heterosexual or homosexual in orientation, the goal they are called to is relationships of friendship.

Now a friendship may vary in degrees of closeness, but friendships are never exclusive, and if they are, then they are not true friendships. For example, if A is truly friends with B, then A will not hinder B's friendship with C, but will seek to be genuine friends with C also. If A wants B only for himself/herself, then that is not a friendship---it is an obsession. It is not about loving and giving love, it is about keeping and killing love.

I'm not certain your expression "emotionally intimate" adequately captures this idea of friendship. Instead, it leans towards the idea of exclusivist friendship, which will naturally die whether it is a heterosexual or a homosexual person involved. But if by this expression "emotionally intimate" you mean friendship motivated by the divine love itself, the divine gift of charity, then that's excellent!

Human beings, whatever their sexual orientation, are called to God's gift of friendship. Certain physical expressions of this affection are mostly harmless (everything depends on who the people are and what the circumstances are!), such as hugging, and greeting each other by kisses on the cheek (depends what culture you're in!). In Italy, where I live now, heterosexual male friends hold hands in public and walk arm-in-arm. It doesn't mean what it means in our own Anglo-American culture. I suppose the general rule is, 'When in Rome do as the Romans do'----but in this matter I follow my own culture and DO NOT link arms or hold hands with male friends!

In general, friendships should be cultivated, and should not be allowed to become exclusivist, as though there are only the 2 of you in your own private little world, not giving a beaver dam about everyone else. What are homosexuals supposed to do? The same as heterosexual single people. To develop friendships, to foster and nourish these friendships, to learn to love more and more, and to give of ourselves without trying to privatise or exclusivise these friendships. Certain acts may inherently be misunderstood or although chaste in themselves, may open the door to unchastity, or suggest an exclusive relationship, e.g. kissing on the lips. These should prudently be avoided.