XIX Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 There has been a lot of discussion in the phorum about dating and whether it is healthy or if anybody should ever do it, etc. etc. I’ve read a lot of posts her and haven’t commented on it much until now. I’m just feeling really inclined to offer my opinion about this. I think everybody here agrees that people date too much in today’s society and that a relationship really isn’t healthy unless it is geared towards marriage. I find it extremely intriguing that this is one of the few issues that good, orthodox Catholics can’t seem to agree on beyond what I have just mentioned. Personally, I don’t buy into the notion that relationships are objectively bad (even in high school) and that they can only cause heartbreak and lust. I think there are problems with what dating can be in HS…I don’t think anybody will deny that here. But if you really look at it, how many of those problems are caused by a lack of chastity? I mean, lots of people would have an easier time dealing with heartbreak without all of that baggage. I’d say that healthy high school relationships are rare nowadays, but for goodness sakes, I wouldn’t tell somebody it’s definitely a bad idea unless I knew something about their specific situation. There is such a thing as a healthy high school boyfriend/girlfriend relationship I think…basically if they really are thinking about getting married one day. Now, I realize that 17 years or so seems too young to be discerning for something as important as marriage. I disagree; I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting an early start on it. I’m not saying that everybody, or even most people should date before college. It is something you have to discern for yourself. I think it’s in God’s plan for some people—some 17-year-olds are in a correct frame of mind to start thinking about this thing. You don’t have to know whom you’ll marry or even know your vocation to start discerning. That’s the reason you date, is to find out. But what about all of the sexual temptations that go along with the relationship? Good question. Again, it’s something you have to discern for yourself. You have to know how you will react, and if your significant other is going to be a significant temptation (ha, ha) then you most likely should avoid that situation. I can’t think of a reason not to. I recently did a poll on here asking when everybody would be most tempted away from chastity: single, dating, or married. A little over 50% said that they would be most tempted when they are dating. This is something to consider; however, you have to keep in mind that not everybody has the same exact weak points. Some people can go to a cocktail party and not be tempted to drink even if they are 20…others can be in a relationship with an extremely attractive Catholic and not be tempted. And some will be tempted. Pray for the insight to find your weaknesses. I have come to the conclusion that being in a relationship would give me more reason to be chaste than chances to be unchaste. (forgive me for using myself as an example for a second here…) For one thing, the last person in the WORLD with whom I would want to commit a sin is with somebody I care about. I’m disgusted when I’m unchaste by myself—I’d be almost inconsolable if I did that to somebody who is supposed to be able to trust me. There are few things as bad as dragging a loved one into sin—honestly, the thought of it is so repulsive that I can’t imagine myself doing it. I also have a possible future spouse to whom I would be accountable. More than that, a healthy relationship would lead both of us closer to Christ. That is what friends do, and that is why you should become friends before you date or court or what not. Friendship is one of the greatest weapons with which to defend your chastity, so I think you should date a good friend, and it will blossom if you are supposed to be together. [b]That said, complacency is something to guard against.[/b] I’ve never been a fan of the idea that you should just trust that God will bring you together instead of dating in high school. “After all, if you really are meant for each other, won’t you see each other again in the future?” It sounds like a great way to trust God, but here is why I’m not so cool with that: it seems like you are testing God too much. I mean, God does not do everything by Himself—why else would we be called to date, ever? Or do anything, for that matter? Why do anything if God does everything? Maybe God does sometimes call us to date in high school. Or college. Or whenever. Maybe he/she is the one you will marry because you dated in high school. On a side note, I take it personally when people say that you shouldn’t be emotionally attached to a person, that you shouldn’t let somebody have so much control over your emotions. I actually embraced that idea to a certain extent once. The girl’s name was Allison, and I had just become so stuck on her for a while. Eventually, when it became clear to me that I wasn’t really going to mean much of anything to her (or so she thought, cause I still pray for her incessantly) I decided I would just forget about her and stop putting such an emotional investment into her. Guess how long that lasted? It was about a few months before I realized that she had never left my heart at all, that I was stuck on her with God’s glue and there really wasn’t anything I could do to separate my heart from her. I tried to do it and I actually succeeded in letting go of her. But letting go of some people is like letting go of glue. Ummmmm…not gonna happen! So I came to the conclusion that God was calling me to pray for her, almost like some sort of guardian angel with a body. She is totally getting a visit from my guardian angel tonight, by the way. The point of this whole story is that you’re going to have strong feelings about other people, regardless of whether you choose to date. If you've had a bad experience with dating, then that is a crucial thing to share with others. However, realize that people are different, and not everybody reacts in the same way to something if it is subjective. And I think dating is subjective, on some levels. I know this was really long. Sorry to make you all read so much! And yes, I did type this on Microsoft Word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 So, do you have an opinion, XIX? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tink Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 hehe wow, I definitely like this thread. I have to go back and finish reading it now, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XIX Posted January 10, 2005 Author Share Posted January 10, 2005 The really short version of what I wrote is that there is more than one way to go about finding your vocation. I've never been in a relationship, and there is a very good chance I'll court somebody before I date her--if I eve become a boyfriend before I marry. I'm almost certain I'm called to that vaction. [i]almost[/i] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tink Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 ok, now that I've read it, I can say that I totally agree. If I believe God is calling me to date someone, I'm not going to turn them down and tell them to wait a couple years! That's ridiculous! It takes a lot of time and consideration, sure, but I don't think one should make a set-in-stone commitment to not dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krush2k2 Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Tinkster! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tink Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XIX Posted January 10, 2005 Author Share Posted January 10, 2005 I gotta go obtain something called "sleep," so I really won't be around to answer anymore posts... Good night... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jp2_rules Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 amen!! i don't think dating is something that can be decided across the board. it is a very individual thing, dependant on the ppl involved. i think that's why ppl can't agree on stuff. we've all had different experiences, and seen different ppl go through situations that are positive and negative, and we make decisions based upon that. however, since those experiences/views are all different, we end up with different opinions. great thoughts, XIX. i need to go to bed, too. enough talk of dating for one night!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
traichuoi Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 i don't have enough time to reply to this fully but i will say that emotional gratification versus investing yourself emotionally into a relationship is totally different. teens, let alone some adults, have yet to learn this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picchick Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 I agree with you post XIX. Some things I want to add. You can never be too young to discern your vocation. However, I don't agree with younger people dating. I am not saying 17 I am saying 6th graders 7th graders 8th graders. 17 is an alright age I guess. I have no problem with high school dating but the high school dating that I saw was not the ones I like. It isn't right to see Freshman kissing and holding hands. It gives me wierd feelings.... However, if you are able to vote, if you are able to die for your country then I think that you are old enough to discern what God is calling you to be. And you may find in dating that God is not calling you to be married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XIX Posted January 10, 2005 Author Share Posted January 10, 2005 [quote name='traichuoi' date='Jan 10 2005, 02:36 AM'] i don't have enough time to reply to this fully but i will say that emotional gratification versus investing yourself emotionally into a relationship is totally different. teens, let alone some adults, have yet to learn this. [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jp2_rules Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 [quote name='picchick' date='Jan 10 2005, 09:07 AM'] I agree with you post XIX. Some things I want to add. You can never be too young to discern your vocation. However, I don't agree with younger people dating. I am not saying 17 I am saying 6th graders 7th graders 8th graders. 17 is an alright age I guess. I have no problem with high school dating but the high school dating that I saw was not the ones I like. It isn't right to see Freshman kissing and holding hands. It gives me wierd feelings.... However, if you are able to vote, if you are able to die for your country then I think that you are old enough to discern what God is calling you to be. And you may find in dating that God is not calling you to be married. [/quote] very good point. i have actually known 4th and 5th graders to 'date' . now that really bothers me!! they don't understand anything at that point. they don't know what to look for in a person, they don't understand the physical stuff, it's a mess. and they grow up confused like that, and ppl seemed so surprised when 7th and 8th graders are having sex, etc... that immaturity sometimes extends to high schoolers, who are still stuck in that rut. i know some very mature and awesome couples who dated in hs, and i knew them then. and it was fine. that's why it's an individual thing. but yes, you are right. i have a bro who is 13. he's been sayin for a long time that he wants to be a priest. just because he's only 13 doesn't mean he can't start discerning what he's gonna do! obviuosly, he won't be able to discern that as well now as he will in another 5 years, but still... oh, and i'm not comparing his age to an appropriate dating age, so don't take it that way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claudine Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 [quote name='XIX' date='Jan 10 2005, 12:14 AM'] The really short version of what I wrote is that there is more than one way to go about finding your vocation. I've never been in a relationship, and there is a very good chance I'll court somebody before I date her--if I eve become a boyfriend before I marry. I'm almost certain I'm called to that vaction. [i]almost[/i] [/quote] WOW this guy is a Keeper...... Watch out Ladies!! Way 2 Speak what u believe Kidd! Shalom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claudine Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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