willguy Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 In discerning my vocations, I've talked many seminarians, and they all say don't date, because those that were dating had to break it off when they entered the seminary, and they all agreed that it was the worst things they've ever had to do. That's why i don't date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeraMaria Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 What girl would want to compete with God? They wouldn't have a chance, would they? :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeraMaria Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 Spiritual_Arsonist, we'll all pray for your vocation, whatever it may be! But if you fel called to the priesthood, don't run away! Being a priest is one of the coolest vocations ever! B) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmjtina Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 They wouldn't have a chance, would they? :D i know, that's crazy. :ph34r: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
traichuoi Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 (edited) i never knew the process of entering the seminary before until my brother went through it but it is a loooong and difficult process. it consists of interviews by a panel of ordained, lay, diocesan officials, vocation director, etc., an evaluation by a psychologist, interview with the bishop, piles of papers to be filled out, among other things. when my brother went through this process i asked him if dating was a good idea if he was considering the seminary. he told me that the vocation director wants men who have dated. dating is a form of discernment. i would NOT advise dating if you are in the seminary but it is a healthy form of discernment if you are considering entering into the seminary (which doesn't mean dating anybody, but dating someone God may set in your path for that reason). i think we are in constant discernement and should be open to the religious life until we are married. also, we should be open to married life until you are ordained. you need to be open to what God calls of you up to the altar (whether it is for marriage or ordination). obviously there would have been alot of truthful discernment up until the altar but there's always the possibility that God would call you to a different path and you should be open to following His call even if it meant you were standing at the altar about to get married or ordained. the last thing we need is people in marriages or ordained priests who did not FULLY discern their vocation. hope that made sense Edited October 17, 2003 by traichuoi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willguy Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 dating is a form of discernment. i would NOT advise dating if you are in the seminary but it is a healthy form of discernment if you are considering entering into the seminary (which doesn't mean dating anybody, but dating someone God may set in your path for that reason). i think we are in constant discernement and should be open to the religious life until we are married. also, we should be open to married life until you are ordained. you need to be open to what God calls of you up to the altar (whether it is for marriage or ordination). obviously there would have been alot of truthful discernment up until the altar but there's always the possibility that God would call you to a different path and you should be open to following His call even if it meant you were standing at the altar about to get married or ordained. the last thing we need is people in marriages or ordained priests who did not FULLY discern their vocation. trai, actually, I've visited two seminaries and they don't allow their seminarians to date. I would say that if you are seriously still discerning, then its ok to date. But if you know that you plan on going to the seminary, I would avoid dating, because it will simply result you having to break-up with her when you enter seminary. Another problem is that some men actually don't follow their calling that they admit to having because they don't want to break up with their girlfriend. I know one guy who was talking about doing this until the girl broke his heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vianney Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 all i am going to say that is if you are in high school and you know you are going to enter the seminary after high school DO NOT DATE. Trust me it will save you in the long run. If you arrive at seminary and discren that you are to be a dad well then that is fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
traichuoi Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 trai, actually, I've visited two seminaries and they don't allow their seminarians to date. I would say that if you are seriously still discerning, then its ok to date. But if you know that you plan on going to the seminary, I would avoid dating, because it will simply result you having to break-up with her when you enter seminary. Another problem is that some men actually don't follow their calling that they admit to having because they don't want to break up with their girlfriend. I know one guy who was talking about doing this until the girl broke his heart. i wasn't implying dating while in the seminary. i know that is a big no-no... what i was saying is that dating is a form of discernment. if you know you are going to be entering the seminary then yea, don't date. but if you are discerning whether or not you should enter the seminary, dating is a form of discerning that. this comes straight from our vocation director's mouth (diocese of Phoenix). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vianney Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 If you genuinely dont know what you will be doing outside of high school and you are dating a good catholic women who is strong in her faith to not fall to sexual sins then i would say ok. But why put your vocation in jepordey. Why not try seminary out first then try dating. That way you wont get lured in by rash judgments from lust like i did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JP2Iloveyou Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 As a seminarian, I know a little about this situation. I was very attracted to a nice Catholic girl my frosh and soph years in college but nothing ever developed between us. We are still great friends to this day. I never even asked her out because I just knew in my heart that that was not what God wanted at that time. Anyway, to make a long story short, I concur with vianney. Dating while seriously discerning the priesthood (even before being a formal seminarian) can only lead to two things that I can think of. 1) You use the girl and break her heart. 2) You can break up with her and eventually say "no" to your vocation. One of the tricks Satan tried to use to keep me from the sem was to try and get me to think that I'm somehow "wasting" my time there when I could be looking for a wife. God will never be outdone in generosity. If you give him a year or two of your life to discern and grow in holiness, He will greatly reward you with either a religious vocation, or a stunningly amesome wife. You'll also be a better husband and father for having been in the sem. God Bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLAZEr Posted October 18, 2003 Share Posted October 18, 2003 Blessed Marcel Callo "I am not one to amuse myself with the heart of a lady, since my love is pure and noble. If I have waited until 20 years old to go out with a young lady, it is because I knew that I wanted to find real love. One must master his heart before he can give it to the one that is chosen for him by Christ." I think Marcel's perspective is appropriate here for two reasons: 1. Maybe you're dating too early and for the wrong reasons. If you haven't mastered your own heart you will always waver between married life and priesthood . . . the fact is that both are a choice, and both involve giving your heart over completely. Master your own heart first and that will give you the grace to know where God wants you to test your heart. 2. Many have said its not fair to the girl, and that's very true. It's also not fair to Christ. If you want to know if he's calling you, then you have to try to give yourself over to him and that calling as much as you can so he can tell you if you will be happy. You won't ever know to any degree of satisfaction if he is calling you while your heart remains divided. I was a seminarian and I dated before I made the decision to enter the seminary. But it was also before I thought I might have a vocation. Once I felt God might be calling me, I cut all those relationships out. I saw guys in the College Seminary tyring to date and discern their vocations and it was bad ALL THE WAY AROUND. Girls AND guys lost their faith. Sexual sin became a serious problem to our seminary life (if you think sexual sin affects just you, think again), and their half heartedness demoralized them and others. Do one or the other, not both at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLAZEr Posted October 18, 2003 Share Posted October 18, 2003 One of the tricks Satan tried to use to keep me from the sem was to try and get me to think that I'm somehow "wasting" my time there when I could be looking for a wife. God will never be outdone in generosity. If you give him a year or two of your life to discern and grow in holiness, He will greatly reward you with either a religious vocation, or a stunningly amesome wife. You'll also be a better husband and father for having been in the sem. Dude, I wish you could have said this exact statement to my friend last year. He left the seminary because of this "trick." I pointed it out to him but he just thought I wanted him to be a priest and not get married. Fact is I just wanted him to be happy, and i know doing this to yourself never lets you have happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiritual_Arsonist Posted October 19, 2003 Author Share Posted October 19, 2003 PhatMass Phamily. Hmmmm. Good advice, yes, and I thank you for it. I have decided to see my Pastor about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theologian in Training Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 What it essentially comes down to is this: if God is calling you, you will know, if it wavers, you will know, if it is not genuine, you will know. How will you know? Through prayer, prayer, prayer, and discernment. Sometimes we like to think it is as black and white as we want to make it, the reality is that it is not. Now, I am in no way condoning dating on the part of seminarian or priest (yes, that too is a problem as well), but 9 times out 10 there is more going on than a simple lack of call. The majority of the time, those people have given up on their prayer, already made the decision, and just live the life of a seminarian/priest because it is easier to do that, then nothing at all. The challenge, and the way I believe you will know if you are genuinely called, is if in the midst of prayer, in your closeness to God, you feel as though God is not calling you to the vocation of priesthood. Remember, celibacy is a gift, and it is Him and only Him who can provide that gift. If that gift is not present, no matter how much it is fostered, then there might be a true calling elsewhere. God will not abandon you, nor will He play games with you. If you are being called to the priesthood, you will know. If you are being called elsewhere, you will also know. I have seen some people in my life struggle in a myriad of ways, and it was only when they abandoned themselves to God, were honest with themselves and God that they truly found what God was calling them to be. How did I know I was being called? Because I was honest with God, I fought Him, ignored Him, and did all the things I wanted to do, or thought I could do to rid myself of the call. God most likely watched me, asked if I was done, and continued the call. No matter what, the call would not stop, it was relenting at times. Yes, even God can be persistent. When He wants someone He will stop at nothing to get them, and they will have to make more than one conscious decision to say No and be firm in that no, no matter what. Take it from one who knows what that is like. God Bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiritual_Arsonist Posted October 20, 2003 Author Share Posted October 20, 2003 God will not abandon you, nor will He play games with you. If you are being called to the priesthood, you will know. If you are being called elsewhere, you will also know. Yes, our Theologian in Training sums up an important point here. We should never forget that Christ will be with us for ever. We must also remeber that the Holy Spirit commands us, if we let him do so. Let us be commanded people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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