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Phatmass's Last Comic Standing


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TempleofVesarius

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

I hate Michael Jackson.

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TempleofVesarius

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered

to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the

happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping

it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why

is the groom wearing black?"

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Vow of Silence

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence.

One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, "I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!" Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days.

The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said, "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!" Once again, silence ensued for 365 days.

The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"

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lol that's cute!!!!!!!

One day a little girl kept begging her dad to play barbies with her. Well the dad would refuse & refuse. So the girl asked one last time "Daddy, will you come play barbies with me?" & He answered, "NO," then he saw how aheart broken she was so he ripped out a picture of the World in the magazine he was so occupied with & ripped it into a little pieces, those pieces being the countires, and said, "Here honey, put all the countries back where they belong".....so about 5-10 minutes later she comes back with it all perfect & her father in astonishment said "Honey, how'd you do that so fast?" & she said, well I put Jesus back together & once Jesus was whole, the whole world came together!

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IcePrincessKRS

yea I loved it!! I was like OH SOOO TRUE! all the ignorance in little kids is soooo adorable!

LOL I think you mean INNOCENCE!!!

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  • 6 months later...
  • 4 weeks later...
Rebirth flame

This is one of my favorite jokes!!! It's kinda long, but i think it's funny!!!

So... Hillary Clinton dies one day, and she goes up to the Pearly Gates and meets St. Peter. St. Peter asks Hillary if she'd like a tour of heaven, and Hillary says sure.

So St. Peter is showing Hillary where the choir practices, where the cafeteria is, where she'll be staying, and where God's Throne is.

When the tour completes, St. Peter asks Hillary if she has any questions. Hillary says, "Why yes, what's in that room behind you?" St. Peter responds, "Oh, that's where the Clocks of Truth are!!! Let me show you the inside."

So St. Peter opens up the door, and all over the walls are these enormouse gold clocks. St. Peter points at one and says, "Every time you lie, the hand on the clock moves one minute to the right. See George Washington's? He's never lied, so both his hands are pointing at the 12. The same applies for Lincoln. Adams lied a few times, so his minute hand is a few ticks to the right."

Hillary asks, "well, where is my husbands clock?"

St. Peter said, "Jesus took it down to his office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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