how to ask for forgiveness?

[Guest lostchild_6]

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I am not prepared to confess. How do I resolve sex before marriage if I myself do not believe that it is a sin. I am confused. I am struggling in my faith. How on earth am I going to be forgiven, when I do not percieve it as sin. Will I be forgotten?

I know it is a journey to have a stronger faith, to be closer to Jesus. Will my journey be only sumed up with my sin? How will mercy be shown to me? Should I wait until I know that I will not sin again before confessing? Is there more harm in that or not? ---endless questions...

[Adeodatus]

Dear LostChild,

You're speaking the truth when you say "I am confused. I am struggling with my faith."

I guess you don't realise this fully in your conscious mind, but in your letter you are saying 2 contradictory things at the same time. You say explicitly that you're not sorry, that you do not believe pre-marital sex is a sin, etc. But you also acknowledge that you need forgiveness ("How on earth am I going to be forgiven, when I do not perceive it as a sin").

At the heart of this I think you are sorry. You know that you, like the rest of us, are a sinner. You know that you, like all of us, need forgiveness.

I would advise you to pray. Nothing is going to be reolved satisfactorily without PRAYER. Pray and open yourself to the Lord Jesus. Give Him your heart. You will never ever find any true or lasting peace or joy anywhere else except in Him. Everything you are and everything you have (including your boyfriend) you owe to Jesus. Ask for the grace to think and feel with the Church, to understand why true happiness cannot lie in the path of pre-marital sex. And speak to your boyfriend. If he loves you enough (indeed, if he loves himself enough!) he will agree with you and stop your sexual relationship because as it stands now, it is a lie.

Don't get me wrong. There is a lot good and true and beautiful about sex EVEN when people misuse it. That's because sex is a gift from God. But when we misuse it, we turn it into something ugly, something which is a lie. And so by having sex now you and your boyfriend are saying you love each other completely till death do you part. You are saying that your love for each other is so great you want it to flow forth as new life. You are saying you accept each other completely, while rejecting each other's fertility. You are living a lie, and this is why I suspect you are so unhappy. Deep down you know things aren't what they should be. And like I said, if your boyfriend loves you enough he will respect your decision, and hopefully make the same decision for his own sake too.

To be forgiven you need to be sorry. You don't need to be perfect to be forgiven, because the perfect don't need forgiveness. We have no guarantee that we will never sin again. In fact, it is more or less guaranteed that we will sin again if we are relying on our own efforts. That is why in the Act of Contrition we recite during Confession we say to God "by Your grace I will never sin again". 'Never' sounds like an awfully long time, but it's a true statement. By His grace we won't sin again; by our own efforts we will sin again. Don't be afraid because of your attachment to sin, or your propensity to sin. That's part of what being a fallen human being (like all human beings apart from Our Lady and Jesus) is about. Only grace will conquer in us what it prevented from ever happening to Our Lady.

Do not wait until you know you will never sin again---because such knowledge is not given to us in this world. But knowing you are sorry, go and confess to a patient and understanding priest. And talk to your boyfriend. And above all else, PRAY. You are in God's hands. You have nothing to be afraid of. Even this turmoil you're going through now is a sign that God's grace is even now drawing you to His mercy. May the Lord give you His peace. I will pray for you.