Why did the Chicken cross the road?

[Iacobus]

Why did the chicken cross the road?


GEORGE W BUSH

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.


COLIN POWELL

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.


HANS BLIX

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.


JOHN KERRY

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!


RALPH NADER

The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.


PAT BUCHANAN

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.


RUSH LIMBAUGH

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?!? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.


MARTHA STEWART

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.


DR SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die in the rain. Alone.


MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.


GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.


BARBARA WALTERS

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.


JOHN LENNON

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.


ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.


KARL MARX

It was an historic inevitability.


CAPTAIN KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.


SIGMUND FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.


BILL GATES

I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.


ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?


BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?


AL GORE

I invented the chicken!


COLONEL SANDERS

Did I miss one?

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

:crackup:

THOSE ARE SOOOO FUNNY! They all sound like who they are!!

BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

[BurkeFan]

Some more that I had on my journal from three years ago. Hopefully there aren't any repeats.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Neil Armstrong: "That's one small crossing for a chicken, one giant leap for chicken-kind."

Arthur, King of the Britons: To seek the Holy Grail.

Humphrey Bogart: Otherwise, it would regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of its life.

The Borg: TO BECOME ASSIMILATED!!!!

Boston Market, Inc.: Chicken is no longer in our name. Please refer to our SEC filing.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Rhett Butler: Frankly my dear, I don't give a beaver dam.

Julius Caesar: It came, it saw, it crossed.

Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

Candide: To cultivate its garden.

Tom Clancy: It was a rocket-powered chicken. You know, one of those rockets with a 7' gameon and a nuclear wizzawhats that could easily kill millions if Ryan didn't stop the chicken.

Bill Clinton: It crossed the road once, but it didn't inhale.

Bill Clinton: I think I know why that chicken crossed that road. That is what chickens have always aspired to do. You know, I come from Arkansas, so it comes as no surprise to me. The point is that there is always another side. I know it, you know it, and the chicken knows it. And we want our kids to know it as well.

Bill Clinton: Well, my bridge to the 21st century isn't ready yet; those chicken-&%$# Republicans won't fund it. Or maybe the bird was misled by its left wing. Anyway, Al and I will soon have it returning to the middle of the road.

Hillary Clinton: While it is true that these files indicate that I crossed the road at
approximately the same time and place as the chicken, I have no idea why it insisted on holding my hand.

Neville Chamberlain: To achieve peace, peace in our time.

Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Darwin: Let me tell you about the voyage of the beagle instead...

Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.

Jacques Derrida: What is the *difference*? The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is dead.

Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

Charles Dickens: Tis a far, far better road than chicken has e'er crossed before.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Bob Dole: Get off of that road now! It's Bob Dole's road. Bob Dole built it, and Bob Dole's gonna cross it. Bob Dole's not gonna let any chicken get in Bob Dole's way.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Clint Eastwood: It felt lucky, punk.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.

TS Eliot (revisited): Do I dare to cross the road?

Epicurus: For fun.

M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it, the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

Louis Farrakhan: One chicken crossing the road--that's just a joke. But a million chickens--that's history!

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Bill Gates: md c:\othersid copy a:\chicken.jok c:\othersid del a:\chicken.jok

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook.

Windows 95: In this version, we bring the other side to the chiclsjd$##.&///%%^^

Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough;
the chicken had to cross.
If not for the plumage of its peerless tail
the chicken would be lost,
the chicken would be lost!

Stephen Jay Gould: It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

Alan Greenspan: When the committee meeting minutes are released in six months, you'll see why we had to raise interest rates, thus forcing Prairie National Bank to foreclose on the chicken coop.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Mike Harris: Because it was a Tory chicken, and the voter's gave it an overwhelming mandate to cross the road.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: It is uncertain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Sir Edmund Hillary: Because it was there!

Hippocrates: It had an excess of pleghm in its pancreas.

Heinrich Himmler: We haff means to find out

Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.

Sherlock Holmes: It was running to catch the Edinburgh train at Victoria Station at 3:15, my dear Watson. Observe the patina of dust on the dropped feathers, bespeaking long hours in a library, surely reading about Scotland. Remark the Baker Street boys' report that it was humming "Bonnie Lassie" while waiting to cross. Note the ticket stub marked Edinburgh. Of course, we both know the only train to Edinburgh leaves at 3:15 from Victoria...

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Saddam Hussein: It is the Mother of all Chickens.

Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

Thomas Jefferson: Sometimes, in the course of avian events, it becomes necessary for one flock to dissolve the bands which have connected them with their owners, and to assume among the powers of the earth their separate and equal station on the other side of the road.

John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

James Joyce: Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...

James Joyce: To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of its race.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.

Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Obi-wan Kanobe: Because the force was with it.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: It had a dream.

John F. Kennedy: Eich und eine chicken.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

James Tiberius Kirk: beaver dam it, because It's A Human Being - With emotions it must yet explore - not your toy to play with. It breathes and feels and ...

Evel Knievel: Because its jet pack failed and it couldn't cross the Snake River Canyon.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.

Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

John Lennon: Imagine there is no chicken, it's easy if you try...

David Letterman: And the No. 1 reason -- fricasee!

Tom Lehrer: Got me. I gave up animal husbandry years ago. I was afraid they'd catch me at it.

John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

H. P. Lovecraft: To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous, indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-time continuum.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Malcom X: It was coming home to roost.

Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.

Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.

Moses: Because the sea didn't part in time.

Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.

Fox Mulder: You saw the chicken cross the road with your own eyes. How many chickens must to cross the road before you believe it? I request otherwise.

Eddie Murphy: To get to the flooping other side.

Ralph Nader: Because the crossing guard was asleep on the job. We need a new program to make our interstates safer for people and poultry alike. H.R. I-80, introduced in the Congress this morning, takes the first needed step in that direction.

Bibi Netanyahu: It doesn't matter how many chickens are displaced by the fulfillment of our biblical destiny, further construction must proceed.

Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Richard Milhouse Nixon: I'm glad you asked me about that. This is what I have to say about that. My wife Pat and I only eat good, Republican chickens. Cooked in a good, Republican pot. Hey, is this (expletive deleted) mike live yet?

Richard Milhouse Nixon: That part of the conversation was accidentally erased.

Richard Milhouse Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Noah: Because the Ark was on the other side.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....

Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

Ross Perot: That giant sucking sound you hear is all our poultry heading south.

Plato: For the greater good.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

J. Danforth Quayle: Ite sawe ae potatoee.

Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road because of its own rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.

Rastafarian: There were grass on the other side mon.

Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.

Carl Rodgers: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?

Sappho: Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair than all of Hellas' fine armies.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: He'll be baaack!

Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!

William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.

William Shakespeare: I knowest not, but ne'er hath I seen so fair a fowl.

William Shakespeare: To cross or not to cross, that was the question. 'Twere not nobler to suffer the slings and hatchets of outrageous executioners -- far better to take flight against a sea of troubles, and by crossing end them.
Homer Simpson: MMMM, Chicken .. . Agggrrrr

OJ Simpson: You'd run too, if you had just killed two people and tried to frame an inoccent man

OJ Simpson: To escape my tireless quest for the real killer.

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

B.F. Skinner: The external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would be driven to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Smokey the Bear: To prevent a forest fire. Remember: Only chickens can prevent forest fires!

Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

Jerry Springer: Let's bring out the chicken's ex-girlfriend.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. Spock: It was logical.

Mr. Spock: It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but I have frequently observed that the behavior of chickens is not logical.

Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.

Ken Starr: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev.Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

Gertrude Stein: A road is a road is a road.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Brad Templeton: Do you think I have time to answer questions like that? I'm not a riddle-answering service. Anyway, I've heard it before.

Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.

Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and smell of elderberries all the marrow out of life.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Unix Hacker: Because of a bus error.

The Warren Commission: There was one chicken, and it acted alone.

George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Bruce Willis: A chicken's gotta do what a chicken's gotta do.

Oprah Winfrey: NEXT, live and exclusive -- roosters who fly the coop and the hens they leave behind!

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.

Scully: It was a simply bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

[Iacobus]

One I just made up.

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

The Chicken crossed the road becauses he wished to live deliberately,
to front only the essential facts of crossing roads, and see if he
could learn what it had to teach, and not, when he came to die,
discover that he had not lived.

Henry David Thoreau

hehe.

And Brukefan, those are great! LOL!

[Colleen]

[quote name='BurkeFan' date='Oct 18 2004, 07:17 PM'] Douglas Adams: Forty-two

Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

Charles Dickens: Tis a far, far better road than chicken has e'er crossed before.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

TS Eliot (revisited): Do I dare to cross the road?

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility. [/quote]

[picchick]

Meg:

A chicken crossed the road???? When???? I didn't know.

[Paladin D]

LOL!

[picchick]

Phazzan:

To see me Why else?

[picchick]

Jacob:

Clearly the chicken crossed the road because he is like Darcy. He didn't want to associate himself with young hens who are slighted by other chickens.

Edited October 19, 2004 by picchick

[Iacobus]

[quote name='picchick' date='Oct 18 2004, 08:38 PM'] Jacob:

Clearly the chicken crossed the road because he is like Darcy. He didn't want to associate himself with young hens who are slighted by other chickens. [/quote]
Ah yes. LOL>!

[Scofizzle]

The local Catholi church was on that side of the road

[franciscanheart]

too many brain overload

[Carnanc]

Lol, yea lots of reading!

[BurkeFan]

[quote name='hugheyforlife' date='Oct 18 2004, 09:01 PM'] too many brain overload [/quote]
*sorry*
I had found all of these years ago, was just copying out of my [url="http://rightwinger.livejournal.com"]livejournal.[/url]

[azaelia]

TCW:

Cause Mr. Peterson threatened to lock him in the closet if he didn't cross the road...oh yes, yes my love :skitzo: