Please pray for me

[Ash Wednesday]

Please, pray for me.

Maybe I'm just stressed out, or nearing the year anniversary of my mom's death, and I've got too much on my plate in general. But lately I've been battling the blues pretty regularly. Sometimes it even rears its ugly head in my faith. There are times I want to ask "Will the real God please stand up?" Because quite frankly for some time, I don't feel very loved by God, nor loveable. I have a hard time reconciling the concept of a loving and merciful God with the one that I have to answer to when I die. I have been unable to feel the same zeal and joy I once was able to feel, and for other reasons I've quite frankly never felt so lost and alone than I have this year. Do I go to adoration? Yes. Confession? Yes. Rosary? Yes. Scripture? Yes. But my whole dialogue with God is so obscured, grey and fuzzy I feel like I am doing everything wrong. No matter what I do, the message of what God wants and expects of me is obscured. And quite frankly, I understand now just why some people lapse in their faith. My ex-boyfriend suffered from scrupulosity so bad, he fell away completely. Nothing he ever did was "good enough" and he could not shake the image of a wrathful God, so he gave up completely. Now I don't see the point of doing this -- but lately I've been tired of just "surviving" and not being the witness that I should ideally be.

I taught my class this morning, and I'm at work. But at the moment I want to just call in sick, go home and cry.

Anyway I'm just having a terrible week. Please pray, thank you.

[Noel's angel]

*prayers* oh and if its any help, i know how u feel, just hang in there, its what im doing at the minute

Edited October 13, 2004 by Noel's angel

[Lil Red]

Ash, anything i can do, please let me know. email me whenever. i'm always here for you, my sister in Christ!

[Carrie]

praying!

[1337 k4th0l1x0r]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' date='Oct 13 2004, 03:18 PM'] Now I don't see the point of doing this -- but lately I've been tired of just "surviving" and not being the witness that I should ideally be. [/quote]
Perhaps just 'surviving' is the greatest way you can witness right now.

[Ash Wednesday]

I quietly offer up my sufferings for souls. Though I still get that nagging feeling that it's "not good enough"

I did have a nice little cry, though, and that sure felt good and took the edge off my agitation.

[Cathurian]

Praying I asked for the intercession of Saint Anselm and Saint Casimir too, so that's three of us together!

[popestpiusx]

Ash, Fr. Groschel has a book called "Arise From Darkness" that I have heard is quite good. This, and prayer, may help some. Of course, there is always "Dark Night of the Soul".

I'll keep you in my prayers (please do the same for me.)

[Lil Red]

Ash, I really think that you might benefit from the upcoming Sunday's readings, especially the Gospel. From Catholic Culture:

[quote]The Gospel is from St. Luke 18:1-8. [b]There are many devout Christians who are deeply puzzled by what they think is God's indifference to their fervent pleas for spiritual favors, which to them appear essential in their journey heavenwards.[/b] These people would readily admit that God has good reasons for not granting temporal favors—they might not be for their eternal good. Why refuse or delay granting their spiritual needs? The man or woman who has dedicated his or her life exclusively to the service of God still suffers from human weaknesses. He or she is attracted to worldly things, is finding humility and obedience very difficult, suffers from dryness in prayer or worse still is scrupulous to a degree that makes the religious life almost unbearable. Such people could work so much better for God and for their neighbor if only God would remove these weaknesses which, in fact, he could so easily do.

Or again, why should whole nations of devout Christians suffer persecution from atheistic tyrants? See their children brought up deprived of the right to practice their faith, or, worse still, taught to despise it? Surely God should answer the prayers of these good people and the fervent prayers of millions of their fellow-Christians on their behalf ...

These and many similar questionings arise in our minds [b]because our limited, human intellects can see but one small section of the immense tapestry which God is weaving for the human race.[/b] We would all like immediate results in our own tiny corner of that tapestry while the all-wise [b]God is occupied with the whole picture.[/b] He is not forgetting us either. If he delays in answering our urgent appeals, we can be certain that the reason is not that he wants to punish us, but rather to help us. [b]There are many saints in heaven who would perhaps never have become saints if God had not allowed them to struggle on longer than they would have wished, against trials and difficulties—spiritual as well as physical.[/b]

Our divine Lord teaches us, in this parable, the need for perseverance in prayer. This perseverance develops our trust and confidence in God. [b]It helps us to become humble and to realiize how weak we are when left to ourselves.[/b] It keeps us close to God, as we learn how dependent we are on his generosity. If we only would realize that God is perhaps never closer to us than when we think he is forgetting us! The trials of life, spiritual or temporal, which he allows us to suffer are not obstacles to our spiritual progress but rather stepping-stones without which we could not cross the rivers of life at all.

God wants every one of us in heaven but just as no two men on earth have the same identical features, so also no two men on earth have the same road to lead them to heaven. God is supervising the journey of each one of us. He is ever there to help if the obstacle on one's road is insurmountable. We may and we must, keep asking God for the spiritual and temporal favors which we feel we need. [b]We must never grow despondent or feel that God has lost interest in us, if he delays in granting these favors.[/b] When we shall look back on our earthly journey from the happy vantage point of heaven, we shall see how effectively and how lovingly God regulated our journey. When he did not grant a certain favor it was because he had a much more important one to give us, one we did not ask for or even realize we needed.

"Ask and you shall receive," not perhaps what you wanted, but what God knew you needed. "Seek and you shall find," not the easy way which you thought you deserved, but the harder way which would make you more deserving of heaven. "Knock and it shall be opened unto you," not the door you were standing at, which would have delayed or endangered your progress, but the door further down the street where refreshment and new courage to continue on your upward climb were awaiting you. — Excerpted from The Sunday Readings Cycle C, Fr. Kevin O' Sullivan, O.F.M.[/quote]

[marielapin]

You have my prayers, Ash.

And if it makes you feel any better I think you are an awesome person....one of my favs of phatmass. It would be nice to meet you in person.

[Sinner]

Praying...... My God is a God of my own understanding. I have discovered I do not need to consider another's conception of God. My own conception, however inadequate, is sufficient. This "arid" feeling you have is common in the spiritual path and is discussed by many Church Fathers. You are not alone......as a matter of fact you are in great company. Speaking to my Spiritual Director during times like this has been very beneficial to me. God Bless You Nice Person.

[IcePrincessKRS]

I'm praying for you Ash. :wub:

[franciscanheart]

praying for ya ash

[Ash Wednesday]

Thanks everyone!!!

I've had a really hard past three years. I realize I'm "turning the corner" and things have been getting better in my life, very slowly.

Some days I still feel pretty weary and overwhelmed, of course.

P.S. Thanks for the article, Lil Red. You so totally rock.
P.P.S. MarieLapin what an awesome thing to say. Thank you so much!

[Donna]

Dearest Ash, I was about to post "praying for you", but decided not to...because I was [i]certain[/i] my Hail Mary wasn't worth anything. For real.

This has been so for a long time with me. I guess that means I understand.

It occurs to me that the 1st sentence I wrote is a vain way of looking at things. BUT, when one is exhausted and has been hit hard on-going with physical and/or emotional trial, it's normal.

We need hope. And our prayers should be in thanksgiving. God loves that. And that He would lessen the cross, or make it so sweet we can't bear to give it up.

But Ash...how are your levels? [i]Have you had labs lately?[/i] Have you had good, non MSG/processed meals? Have you been able to take a walk?

Let your mind wander! It's the enemy's interference, if you feel you can never veg, or must always be doing something. Example: you're on the chiropractor's table, waiting for him to get back in the room to adjust you and you feel you must pray x,y and z for a,b and c, even though of course your prayers will be badly said/meant/heard/intended/offered.

Don't do it. Let your mind wander.

I hope any of this applies.