Guest Aluigi Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 -I---Love and I, as some of you know, are now in a long-distance relationship. she's away at college and i'm a high school senior. anyway, recently some friends of hers as well as a priest were talking to her, and they got her thinking that it could be a casual type relationship and maybe we'd date other ppl as well. she asked me about this, cuz she hadn't even thought of it before, and I basically told her the relationship has to be serious and reverent or just not at all (yeah, I was really really really scared she'd say not at all ) but she ended up agreeing.. so am I right? i mean, we were friends for over a year before we started going out, and as far as I'm concerned casual dating around fuels the culture that is unable to form meaningful relationships (read high divorce rate and that kind of stuff)... so I want to only enter into a relationship with reverence and seriousness, as well as exclusivity. to me, there exists no such thing as the casual dating relationship. you're friends first, then you talk about the possibility of getting serious, and you never date more than one person at the same time. that's my philosophy, so what do you think? was I right to issue the ultimatum serious or not at all? am i right that casual dating relationships are part of the fuel for some of today's society's ills? anyway, i just really want to do this right, cuz i really like her. dating without some future purpose in mind to me is irreverent and disrespectful to both ppl involved. i'd appreciate your feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noel's angel Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 personally, i think u did the right thing, well done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thy Geekdom Come Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 Casual dating is a plague on society. Courtship is the way to go. Read Stephen Wood's [u]ABCs of Choosing a Good Wife[/u]. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 i think you made the right move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinner Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 [quote name='Aluigi' date='Oct 3 2004, 03:31 PM'] so am I right? i mean, we were friends for over a year before we started going out, and as far as I'm concerned casual dating around fuels the culture that is unable to form meaningful relationships (read high divorce rate and that kind of stuff)... so I want to only enter into a relationship with reverence and seriousness, as well as exclusivity. to me, there exists no such thing as the casual dating relationship. you're friends first, then you talk about the possibility of getting serious, and you never date more than one person at the same time. that's my philosophy, so what do you think? was I right to issue the ultimatum serious or not at all? am i right that casual dating relationships are part of the fuel for some of today's society's ills? [/quote] I disagree with your "casual dating" generality. You may have made the right decision for your situation (assuming you believe you are headed for Marriage) but I don't agree with it in general. An analogy: If you were going to buy a car would you just check out 2 or 3? How good at choosing one would you be if that is all you looked at? To get the car that best suits you it would be best to look at a good number of vehicles.... esp if you were required to stay with the car you choose for the rest of your life. Now you would test drive them..... lightly of course. I trust you would not drive someone else's car recklessly, else there would be a high price to pay. "Going steady" should be a big deal. It should imply that a couple is seriously considering marriage. It shouldn't just be some kind of "artificial marriage," taking you out of circulation, tying you down to someone you probably won't marry and guaranteeing a painful breakup down the line. Exclusive dating by its nature leads to a higher chance of temptation.... more time together, more committment, more opportunity for close physical proximity....etc. Trustworthy Catholic moral teachers agree that a person should be discouraged from entering into an exclusive dating relationship unless each partner is in a position to move toward marriage within a relatively short period of time. Since, in high school, neither partner tends to be in such a position, an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend is best avoided. Rather, this is a time for both developing personality and maturity in relating to the opposite sex and setting the foundation for choosing a mate. This is best done by relating to a variety of people (such as through group dating or coming to know one another through each other's families), instead of focusing solely on one person. Some Ideas Taken/Stolen From: [url="http://www.ewtn.com/library/YOUTH/DATEEXCL.TXT"]LINK>>>"Does Dating Have to Be Exclusive?"[/url] [url="http://www.ewtn.com/library/FAMILY/DATING.TXT"]LINK>>>> PRINCIPLES FOR CHRISTIAN DATING[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aluigi Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 wow... i need to rethink this actually... i think i may have made a mistake but to follow that system, stuff like KISSING, HUGGING, HOLDING HANDS would also have to be considered BIG STEPS. -I---Love is in College... so i guess another thing is that it's hard for me to accept is that i don't trust college guys... man, i wish our priest had explained it more like that instead of saying what i wanted to do was "archaic" and stuff... he was reinforcing my idea that i was somehow trying to be more traditional. the EWTN artical got me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aluigi Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 anyway, i'm still kinda confused... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcePrincessKRS Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 I actually agree with you Al. When I think "casual dating" the first thought that comes to mind is the sort of thing you see on TV (like those nasty shows like "elimidate" or whatever). You can have more than one dating relationship in your lifetime and still have it be serious. I never would have dated someone if I initially didn't think there was a possible future with that person. I only dated 2 guys, my sister only dated 1, my younger sister dated several. Sinner is right in that the same formula doesn't work for everyone, but I think we might have different ideas about what "casual dating" is. I know that dating doesn't always have to be "exclusive" if in the right circumstances.... I guess to me there is dating, serious dating, and casual dating--the latter being something thats kind of... distasteful and cheap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i7nvd Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 [quote name='Raphael' date='Oct 3 2004, 04:45 PM'] Casual dating is a plague on society. Courtship is the way to go. Read Stephen Wood's [u]ABCs of Choosing a Good Wife[/u]. [/quote] AND/OR "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris AND/OR "Arms of Love" by Carmen Marcoux ([url="http://www.courtshipnow.com"]order online here[/url]) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frozencell Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 If you can honestly see yourself happily marrying her then I think you made the right decision. Especially in a long-distance relationship. i think casual dating has been "over-casualized"(straight from my own dictionary!) and can lead to bad things including a disinterest in someone you don't see everyday. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i feel like im taking crzy pills Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 (edited) Wellll.... I agree with what was said about the whole casual dating thing. But I guess if your relationship is strong enough it can endure everything that is involved with long distance exclusive dating. Maybe you should talk it over with people, priest, gf, etc. since you decided to re-think it or doubt what you did. Don't regret things... Life's too short to do that. Message me if ya wanna know any more of my opinion on what I think about your whole situation. Good luck and prayers! Edited October 10, 2004 by i feel like im taking crzy pills Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aluigi Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 i think we're not both ready for exclusivity. i let her know that ok, not exlusive is alright, but then we have to SLOW DOWN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinner Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 [quote name='Aluigi' date='Oct 10 2004, 12:32 AM'] i think we're not both ready for exclusivity. i let her know that ok, not exlusive is alright, but then we have to SLOW DOWN [/quote] Thinking is good........esp in relationships. As you pray, you are led to the best decision. I think you are very conscientious and I admire you for asking for advice. There is no "right" answer..... only an answer that is "right" for you. I merely wanted to challenge you to "think". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aluigi Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 haha, if this were any other topic, i might slam you for those statements! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i feel like im taking crzy pills Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 [quote name='Aluigi' date='Oct 10 2004, 12:42 AM'] haha, if this were any other topic, i might slam you for those statements! [/quote] HaHa. Pray that you find the "right" thing to do. I'll help... *praying* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now