Miscellaneous Funnies:

[cappie]

RECALL NOTICE!
IMPORTANT!
The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component or heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, 'Subsequential Internal Non-Morality,' or more commonly known as S-I-N, as it is primarily symptomized by loss of moral judgment.

Some other symptoms are:
(a) Loss of direction
(b) Foul vocal emissions
© Amnesia of origin
(d) Lack of peace and joy
(e) Selfish, or violent, behavior
(f) Depression or confusion in the mental component

The manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service, free of charge to correct this SIN defect, at numerous locations throughout the world. The number to call for the recall station in your area is:
P-R-A-Y-E-R

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without correction, voids the manufacturer's warranty, exposing owner to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on J-E-S-U-S for prompt assistance at any location worldwide.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='cappie' date='Oct 2 2004, 08:49 PM'] RECALL NOTICE!
IMPORTANT!
The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component or heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, 'Subsequential Internal Non-Morality,' or more commonly known as S-I-N, as it is primarily symptomized by loss of moral judgment.

Some other symptoms are:
(a) Loss of direction
(b) Foul vocal emissions
© Amnesia of origin
(d) Lack of peace and joy
(e) Selfish, or violent, behavior
(f) Depression or confusion in the mental component

The manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service, free of charge to correct this SIN defect, at numerous locations throughout the world. The number to call for the recall station in your area is:
P-R-A-Y-E-R

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without correction, voids the manufacturer's warranty, exposing owner to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on J-E-S-U-S for prompt assistance at any location worldwide. [/quote]
Hehe...the "c" option automatically changed to a copyright logo...hehehe...

[rachael]

[quote name='cappie' date='Oct 2 2004, 09:49 PM'] RECALL NOTICE!
IMPORTANT!
The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component or heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, 'Subsequential Internal Non-Morality,' or more commonly known as S-I-N, as it is primarily symptomized by loss of moral judgment.

Some other symptoms are:
(a) Loss of direction
(b) Foul vocal emissions
© Amnesia of origin
(d) Lack of peace and joy
(e) Selfish, or violent, behavior
(f) Depression or confusion in the mental component

The manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service, free of charge to correct this SIN defect, at numerous locations throughout the world. The number to call for the recall station in your area is:
P-R-A-Y-E-R

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without correction, voids the manufacturer's warranty, exposing owner to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on J-E-S-U-S for prompt assistance at any location worldwide. [/quote]
:crackup:

[cappie]

Upon leaving church one monring, our Pastor asked our 4 year old son "if the Devil ever tells him to do bad things"? He replied, "Yes, but Jesus tells him to shut up!"



A true story. Notice on an Anglican noticeboard in Yorkshire England.
"Please help us to keep the dry rot out of our 18th Century pulpit."
Underneath was scrawled "Sack the vicar"

One Sunday morning, none of the ushers showed up. Each one to be away for one reason or another. So, after the announcements, I had to enlist some people to take up the offering. So, I asked two gentlemen by saying, "Since the normal ushers are not here, would you be willing to take up the offering?" They gladly did it, but I have been hearing from them ever since about how they are not normal!

[cappie]

What not to wear at church
A hog farmer decided one morning to attend a church in town. He went into town in his work clothes smelling remarkably like his hog pen.

The church folks were outraged at the smell. The pastor said to the farmer: "The next time you come here, ask the Lord what you should wear." The farmer agreed.

The following Sunday the farmer returned to the same church ...in his work clothes. The pastor asked: "What did the Lord say?" The farmer replied, "The Lord said he had never been to this church and didn't know what to wear."

[cappie]

There was once a parish priest who, with the passing of the years, had become a very difficult pastor. The president of the parish council decided to write to the Bishop and ask for the priest's removal. The Bishop reluctantly agreed, but insisted that the parish council arrange for a good farewell for the departing priest, one with a strong spiritual motif. The council agreed. They planned an elegant farewell that would begin with the singing of a hymn.

At the farewell the president began, ‘For many years Father has been telling us that Jesus sent him into our parish. More recently, Father has been saying that Jesus requires him to stay in our parish. And, though he hasn't said it, I guess it follows now that Jesus has decided that it's time for Father to move on from our parish. I'd like you all to stand and join me in singing what is now my favourite hymn, "We give thanks to Jesus with all our hearts"!’

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

lol, those are GREAT! :rotfl:

[cappie]

Oldies but goodies:

1) A high five and thanks. Sally was thirty years old and had been married for seven years. She lived in Atlanta and was very active in the parish, but she and her husband Jim had been unsuccessful in starting a family. One day she visited her pastor and informed him that her engineer husband had taken a very good job with a reputable firm in Chicago. Hence they would be moving from Atlanta to Chicago. Her pastor told her that he was going on a pilgrimage to Israel and assured her that he would light a candle at the birth place of Jesus at Bethlehem for their special intention of being blessed with children. Ten years later their former pastor, while on a tour of Chicago, was invited by Sally to visit her family. When the pastor called on Sally he found to his great joy and astonishment that she was blessed with six children. “Congratulations Sally, I am glad to learn that my candle at Bethlehem really worked,” he said. After a while, he enquired, "Where is your husband?" "He's gone to Bethlehem," Sally replied, “to thank Jesus and to blow out that darn candle!"

2) Thanks, But No Thanks! Three men were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first man asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I lifted a very heavy long range gun in the Viet Nam war. Could you help me?" "Of course my son," Jesus said. When Jesus touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight,. Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When the glasses hit the water, the man's eyesight cleared up and he could see everything distinctly.
Then Jesus turned to the third man. "What can I do for you?" he asked. At this, the man put up his hands defensively and cried: "Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability."

[cappie]

Persistent prayer works: The middle aged farm couple had no children. As a last resort they put their trust in persistent prayer. And it worked. The wife became pregnant, and at the end of the term, she was delivered of triplets. “Persistent prayer really works, doesn’t it?" she asked her husband. Her husband replied, “Seems to-- but I sure as heck didn’t pray for a bumper crop!”

2) Be on guard! Children learn your spontaneous prayers. A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"
"I don’t know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.

"Just say or repeat the words you have heard Mommy say," the mother told her.

Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?

3) Refreshing sermon: The pastor gave an unusually long sermon on prayer that Sunday based on the parable of The Poor Widow and the Corrupt Judge. Later at the door, while the pastor was shaking hands with his parishioners, one man said: “Father, your sermon, was simply wonderful- -so invigorating, inspiring and refreshing. The pastor, of course, broke out in a big smile only to hear with a shock the man say, “I felt like a new man when I woke up!”

[shelly_freak]

hehe...these are good cappie