Duc_In_Altum Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 (edited) So, Im at college and one of my good friends (we'll call her kate for now) from high school (with whom i attend college) has a roommate that's well....odd, to say the least (we'll call her...julie). Kate talks about Julie all the time to lots of people and has endless stories to tell. I find people to be interesting so I'd listen just to observe how people interact in adverse situations. After a while, I started to detect a lot of sarcasm and joking in her stories. The gossip light went off. I’m not the biggest fan of gossip. Actually, it drives me absolutely bonkers. I know she has no malice intent but she is a bit of a drama queen. They actually get along pretty well. I've known kate for a long time and feel completely comfortable with holding her accountable on these kinds of things. So I call her out on it. She’d hear nothing of it. Kate claimed “its not wrong to just talk about someone.” She claimed that Julie would have no problem with how much she talked about her. I personally found that to be a load of bull-Twinkies because Julie's a pretty sensitive young lady. I just couldn’t put my finger on justifying Kate's exploiting of Julie’s differences for the sake of a good story. So where do you draw the line? What is the objective difference between just talking about someone and gossip? -Joe Hahn Edited September 30, 2004 by Duc_In_Altum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmmerf Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Bulltwinkies! I love it. I draw the line at anything the person might a)disagree with or b) not want said if they were there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heyyoimjohnny Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 I'd say it becomes gossip when the person being spoken about is being shown in a negative light... I'm quite guilty of this. I'm trying, though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsFrozen Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 I'm not really sure. I have wondered this, too. I have a neighbor I believe hasn't too much of a clue when it comes to raising and disciplining her children and treating her husband properly. I believe it goes too far and bothers me, and I tell my mom about it, what my neighbor does and how it makes me feel. But I am kind and polite to my neighbor. I never specifically go up to her and tell her what I think, but she has asked me for advice and I have pretty much told her what I think she could do to make her life with her kids easier. (#1: GO TO CHURCH!) She doesn't seem to want to listen. So is it gossipping when I tell my Mom about the things she does? (Some of the things are pretty unbelievable!) My husband says no. But, it is showing her in a negative light. So--to conclude, I don't know. PS I also love bulltwinkies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HartfordWhalers Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 1) if it is untrue, then it is called calumny, and it is wrong 2) if it is true, then it is known as detraction, if it is something that is detrimental to the person's character, and this is wrong, as well Saying something negative about someone without reason would fall under detraction. If anyone finds it negative, then he should speak up, because that would be detrimental to a person's character, and hence detraction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Wednesday Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 I don't repeat gossip. So listen closely the first time! Kidding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musturde Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 What you do is say something like, "That's kinda like the time... (insert wacky, made up story here about urself)" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i feel like im taking crzy pills Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 [quote name='heyyoimjohnny' date='Sep 30 2004, 06:38 PM'] I'd say it becomes gossip when the person being spoken about is being shown in a negative light... I'm quite guilty of this. I'm trying, though... [/quote] I agree. But I usually find myself listening to gossip and spreading it along.. I want to stop though. Welcome to Phatmass Duc_in_altum! And by the way, bull twinkies rock! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.R.D Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Gossiping is really big in my family and im a gossiper but late what i do is say .... when theres a problem ..... "Instead of gossping about that persons problems or whatever help them and find a answer" thats what i say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Gossip is and always has been a huge issue in my school/parish/home. The family as a whole (in my house that is) is a lot better about it now. We simply follow the rule: "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all." There are of course exceptions to that rule but usually the only one is that if someone has done something that really bothers you and you want input on how to better handle the situation/person then you can tell the story. Otherwise, keep it to yourself. We pray about it. We talk to GOD about it. Then you don't have to worry about "gossip." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinner Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Draw the line at the beginning. Walk away. Don't Play. If your are listening to or talking about someone in a negative light with no intention to talk to them directly....... it is wrong. And very possibly a sin. It is hard......as are alot of temptations. The Golden Rule applies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 [quote name='Sinner' date='Oct 2 2004, 09:08 AM'] Draw the line at the beginning. Walk away. Don't Play. If your are listening to or talking about someone in a negative light with no intention to talk to them directly....... it is wrong. And very possibly a sin. It is hard......as are alot of temptations. The Golden Rule applies. [/quote] AMEN!! There is no need for a line to be drawn if you refuse to go down the path!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heyyoimjohnny Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 I confessed gossiping, and the priest gave me the penance that whenever I catch myself saying something bad about a person, to say something good and nice about 'em afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duc_In_Altum Posted October 2, 2004 Author Share Posted October 2, 2004 [quote]AMEN!! There is no need for a line to be drawn if you refuse to go down the path!! [/quote] yea, i hear ya. I'm asking more along the lines of how do you call someone out on it. Accountability is something that is essential to living Catholic. It's incredibly important to hold each other up and support each other in faith- sometimes that calls us to knock a fellow Catholic back down into humility when they stray and don't see it for themselves. I firmly believe that gossip is whack and listening in even for a short time is unhealthy for your soul and therefore, sinful. It just began to elevate with her for me to finally detect it. And when i did, i just didn't know how to explain to her the difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinner Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 I always like to use the line: "My Mama always told me....if ya can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all" It's kinda humorous way to get your point to em without hurtin their feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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