dUSt Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 [quote name='Lil Red' date='Aug 16 2004, 04:28 PM'] this is good advice, but.... for instance, my husband isn't Catholic - isn't even Christian to tell you the truth. he looks at porn. (not online - we don't have online service at home, and this is one of the reasons why i won't get it) he won't stop. going to adoration together won't help us. he doesn't think he's cheating on me. he doesn't think it objectifys women, because as he says, they (the "models") are doing it of their own free will. i've tried throwing out the magazines, the videos, but to tell you the truth, he hides it from me, because he knows i don't like it. how do i get him to see that his porn obsession tries to break down our relationship? (i'm sorry, fewbutmany, for interrupting your thread). [/quote] Hmm... this is tough. Oh well... if you can't beat him, JOIN HIM! hahaha [b][color=red]Warning: Very bad advice. Please disregard this post.[/color][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dUSt Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Lil Red - You should make your husband jealous of Jesus. He may try to act more like him to get your attention back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeraMaria Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 [quote name='Lil Red' date='Aug 16 2004, 06:28 PM'] this is good advice, but.... for instance, my husband isn't Catholic - isn't even Christian to tell you the truth. he looks at porn. (not online - we don't have online service at home, and this is one of the reasons why i won't get it) he won't stop. going to adoration together won't help us. he doesn't think he's cheating on me. he doesn't think it objectifys women, because as he says, they (the "models") are doing it of their own free will. i've tried throwing out the magazines, the videos, but to tell you the truth, he hides it from me, because he knows i don't like it. how do i get him to see that his porn obsession tries to break down our relationship? (i'm sorry, fewbutmany, for interrupting your thread). [/quote] I'm really sorry Jess I can't really give any good advice...but I'll pray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theculturewarrior Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Lil Red... Will pray for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 thanks, guys. and it's also hard because i can tell him what i believe, and he respects that, but it's just that to him, my belief. not fact, not truth, just an opinion. "Hmm... this is tough. Oh well... if you can't beat him, JOIN HIM! hahaha" dUSt, that was hilarious! it made me smile anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stagefairy Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Christopher West has some awesome talks for guys (and for everyone else too), which could be very helpful if husbands/boyfriends would be willing to listen. You can get them at [url="http://christopherwest.com"]Christopherwest.com[/url] or [url="http://theologyofthebody.net"]TheologyoftheBody.net[/url] and I highly reccomend them. Even guys that aren't Catholic or Christian might be willing to listen if you convey how much it means to you that they have full understanding of what you believe about it. He explains it so clearly and he struggled with the same things so many guys do. I have heard of Theology of the Body bring ing people to the church, because it's truth hits home with so many people. I will be praying for both of you!!! As far as dealing with staying pure before marriage... it's hard. Follow the advice given. Talk to a priest and start going to confession as often as possible. Avoid the occasions of sin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 [quote name='stagefairy' date='Aug 16 2004, 06:30 PM'] Christopher West has some awesome talks for guys (and for everyone else too), which could be very helpful if husbands/boyfriends would be willing to listen. You can get them at [url="http://christopherwest.com"]Christopherwest.com[/url] or [url="http://theologyofthebody.net"]TheologyoftheBody.net[/url] and I highly reccomend them. Even guys that aren't Catholic or Christian might be willing to listen if you convey how much it means to you that they have full understanding of what you believe about it. He explains it so clearly and he struggled with the same things so many guys do. I have heard of Theology of the Body bring ing people to the church, because it's truth hits home with so many people. I will be praying for both of you!!! As far as dealing with staying pure before marriage... it's hard. Follow the advice given. Talk to a priest and start going to confession as often as possible. Avoid the occasions of sin. [/quote] I would echo this. I've heard Christopher's talk to men about struggles in this area, and it's just beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 thank you for the advice, but (and I feel like I'm the bearer of bad news here)..... he's not willing to listen. he doesn't care. he doesn't think it hurts him, me, or our relationship. he thinks it's healthy, and he used to have me convinced (I know it's wrong, now, though). thanks for the prayers, we surely need them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Praying for you Red and fewbutmany. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1337 k4th0l1x0r Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I'm praying for both of you. As a guy who struggled with this (well, the struggle still hasn't really ended, but I've got it under control), I can say that there is little you can do as a girlfriend/wife other than be there. In fact, now I have less temptation to sin when I'm with my girlfriend that when I'm not with her. Be a model of purity and he should surely want to be one for you. It's definitely a hard cross to bear and you should let him know that he can (and must) bear it with the help of God. It's also important to note the shame associated with the sin. It's a very hard sin to confess, as unlike most sins it can be extremely private to the point no one else would ever have to know about it. Regular confession - and I mean going once a week or every other week and calling the sin what it really is - of this sin will break down the shame and allow him to be healed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fewbutmany Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 Thanks everyone for the advice and prayers. It has helped a lot. I just have to get the courage to talk to him about it. I know he feels ashamed..... so its hard addressing it, without making him feel worse Lil Red, I will be praying for your husband. Its tough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 thanks, fewbutmany, you've got my prayers, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stagefairy Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 [quote]thank you for the advice, but (and I feel like I'm the bearer of bad news here)..... he's not willing to listen. he doesn't care. he doesn't think it hurts him, me, or our relationship. he thinks it's healthy, and he used to have me convinced (I know it's wrong, now, though). [/quote] I would reccomend that you get some of the talks for women. Or read Christopher West's books (if you haven't already). [u]The Good News About Sex and Marriage[/u] and [u]Theology of the Body for Beginners[/u] are both really good. The more you saturate yourself in the churches teachings in this area, the more you will be able to articulate to your husband the damage being done and the specific you can be in your prayers. Just a suggestion. I had another friend in a similar situation and she really got a lot out of listening to his talk, 'Splendour of Woman'. Still praying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 [quote name='Lil Red' date='Aug 16 2004, 08:26 PM'] thank you for the advice, but (and I feel like I'm the bearer of bad news here)..... he's not willing to listen. he doesn't care. he doesn't think it hurts him, me, or our relationship. he thinks it's healthy, and he used to have me convinced (I know it's wrong, now, though). thanks for the prayers, we surely need them. [/quote] Yeah, it's not that long ago that I would've been in pretty much the same boat ... sometimes you don't have any idea there's anything wrong, because you don't know any better. And I know there are lots of other people in the same place ... I used to have a friend who would talk about going to a strip club with her husband and how much fun that was. Christopher West has a great analogy for this ... he says it's like we're all driving around with flat tires, and we think it's normal because EVERYONE has flat tires and we just don't know any better. The great thing is that Jesus came to re-inflate our tires, to show us how life SHOULD be lived, and real change is possible. But the first thing you've gotta see is that the tires are flat ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 wow, great analogy!! thanks, sojourner! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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