Jokes

[franciscanheart]

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door.

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation "Genesis 3:10."

Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hears my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."

Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, but I was naked, and I hid myself."

[cathgirl]

[shelly_freak]

oh man thats great

[Thy Geekdom Come]

LOL

[Cure of Ars]

Why did the chicken cross the park?

























To get to the other slide!


:ph34r:

[franciscanheart]

hahahahahahaha

[cathgirl]

[1337 k4th0l1x0r]

Why did the lawyer break his nose?









Because the ambulance driver slammed on the brakes!

[cathgirl]

[franciscanheart]

this is totally off subject but have you seen that play????

its all about creation and the adam and steve story thing....
its really disturbing

[1337 k4th0l1x0r]

Reposting this in this thread:

What do liberals use as contraception?









Their personalities
(Of course, you can change liberals to any other group you want, i.e., students at a rival school, from a different town, etc.)

[1337 k4th0l1x0r]

Here's a long one. I loved telling this one as a kid.

Dave is driving down a rural highway late at night. He's been driving for a long, LONG time, and he's starting to get REALLY tired, but he is SO far out in the country that there are no hotels or inns ANYWHERE. So finally he decides that he is tired enough to just pull over at the next house and ask to spend the night. He pulls up at a pink house with pink trim, pink shutters, pink windows, and a pink door. He gets out of his car, walks up the pink sidewalk, up the pink driveway, climbs the pink steps, and rings the pink doorbell. A pink lady comes to answer the pink door. Dave explains to her, "Ma'am, I know it's late, but I'm really tired, and if I could just spend the night, I'd really appreciate it." The pink lady says, "Sure, no problem! Come on inside! Go up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and behind the first pink door on your right you'll find a pink bedroom. Inside the pink closet are some pink sheets, pink blankets, and pink pillowcases that you can put on the pink bed and the pink pillows. Sleep well!" So Dave steps inside the pink door, walks up the pink steps, down the pink hallway, and opens the first pink door on the right. He walks into the pink bedroom, goes to the pink closet, and takes out the pink blanket, the pink sheets, and the pink pillowcases. He puts the pink sheets and pink blanket on the bed, and the pink pillowcases on the pink pillows. He climbs under the pink covers, turns out the pink light, and falls immediately asleep. Time passes. A second man, Bob, is driving down the same highway. He, too, has been driving for quite some time and desperately needs sleep. But there are no hotels or inns anywhere to be found, so Bob decides to pull over at the next house that comes up. He parks in front of the pink house with pink trim, pink shutters, pink windows, and a pink door. He gets out of his car, walks up the pink sidewalk, up the pink driveway, climbs the pink steps, and rings the pink doorbell. The pink lady comes to answer the pink door. Bob explains to her, "Ma'am, I'm really sorry for ringing your doorbell so late at night, but I've been driving for hours and hours, and all I need is to please spend the night?" The pink lady says, "Sure! Come on in! Go up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and behind the second pink door on your right you'll find a pink bedroom. In the pink closet are some pink sheets, pink blankets, and pink pillowcases that you can put on the pink bed and the pink pillows. Sleep well!" So Bob steps inside the pink door, walks up the pink steps, down the pink hallway, and opens the second pink door on the right. He walks into the pink bedroom, goes to the pink closet, and takes out the pink blanket, the pink sheets, and the pink pillowcases. He puts the pink sheets and pink blanket on the bed, and the pink pillowcases on the pink pillows. He climbs under the pink covers, turns out the pink light, and falls immediately asleep. Time passes. A third man, Fred, is driving down the same highway. Like Dave and Bob, Fred has been driving for a long time, only Fred has been driving longer that either Dave or Bob. He can barely keep his eyes open. Because there are no hotels or inns, Fred decides to pull over at the next house. He parks in front of the pink house with pink trim, pink shutters, pink windows, and a pink door. He gets out of his car, walks up the pink sidewalk, up the pink driveway, climbs the pink steps, and rings the pink doorbell. The pink lady comes to answer the pink door. Fred, so tired he can barely speak, manages to stammer out, "Ma'am, I hate to bother you so late at night, but I really need some sleep. Could I stay at your house?" The pink lady says, "Sure! Come on inside! Go up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and behind the third pink door on your right you'll find a pink bedroom. In the pink closet are some pink sheets, pink blankets, and pink pillowcases that you can put on the pink bed and the pink pillows. Sleep well!" So Fred staggers through the pink door, walks up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and into the third pink door on the right. He walks into the pink bedroom, goes to the pink closet, and takes out the pink blanket, the pink sheets, and the pink pillowcases. He puts the pink sheets and pink blanket on the bed, and the pink pillowcases on the pink pillows. He climbs under the pink covers, turns out the pink light, and falls immediately asleep. TIME PASSES. The sun rises. Dave wakes up. He climbs out of the pink bed, strips the pink blankets and pink sheets off the pink bed, and takes the pink pillowcases off the pink pillows. He puts the pink blankets, pink sheets, and pink pillowcases into the pink closet, and leaves the pink bedroom. He walks down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs, takes a left, and walks into a pink kitchen with pink cabinets, a pink floor, pink shelves, pink fixtures, and the pink lady, going through the motions of making breakfast. The pink lady says, "Good morning! What would you like for breakfast? We have Rice Krispies or Cheerios." Dave says, "Cheerios, please." The pink lady goes to the pink cupboard and takes out a pink bowl. She goes to the pink silverware drawer and takes out a pink spoon. She pours some Cheerios out of a pink box into the pink bowl, goes to the refrigerator and takes out a pink milk carton, pours the milk into the pink bowl and sets the pink bowl and pink spoon in front of Dave. Dave sits down on the pink chair at the pink table and eats his Cheerios. He finishes, thanks the pink lady, goes out of the pink kitchen, out the pink door, down the pink steps, down the pink driveway, down the pink sidewalk, gets into his car and drives away. A little while later, Bob wakes up. He climbs out of the pink bed, strips the pink blankets and pink sheets off the pink bed, and takes the pink pillowcases off the pink pillows. He puts the pink blankets, pink sheets, and pink pillowcases into the pink closet, and leaves the pink bedroom. He walks down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs, takes a left, and walks into a pink kitchen with pink cabinets, a pink floor, pink shelves, pink fixtures, and the pink lady, going through the motions of making breakfast. The pink lady says, "Good morning! What would you like for breakfast? We have Rice Krispies or Cheerios." Bob says, "Cheerios, please." The pink lady goes to the pink cupboard and takes out a pink bowl. She goes to the pink silverware drawer and takes out a pink spoon. She pours some Cheerios out of a pink box into the pink bowl, goes to the refrigerator and takes out a pink milk carton, pours the milk into the pink bowl and sets the pink bowl and pink spoon in front of Bob. Bob sits down on the pink chair at the pink table and eats his Cheerios. He finishes, thanks the pink lady, goes out of the pink kitchen, out the pink door, down the pink steps, down the pink driveway, down the pink sidewalk, gets into his car and drives away. Finally, Fred wakes up after a long sleep. He climbs out of the pink bed, strips the pink blankets and pink sheets off the pink bed, and takes the pink pillowcases off the pink pillows. He puts the pink blankets, pink sheets, and pink pillowcases into the pink closet, and leaves the pink bedroom. He walks down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs, takes a left, and walks into a pink kitchen with pink cabinets, a pink floor, pink shelves, pink fixtures, and the pink lady, going through the motions of making breakfast. The pink lady says, "Good morning! What would you like for breakfast? We have Rice Krispies or Cheerios." Fred says, "Rice Krispies, please." The pink lady goes to the pink cupboard and takes out a pink bowl. She goes to the pink silverware drawer and takes out a pink spoon. She pours some Rice Krispies out of a pink box into the pink bowl, goes to the refrigerator and takes out a pink milk carton, pours the milk into the pink bowl and sets the pink bowl and pink spoon in front of Fred. Fred sits down on the pink chair at the pink table and eats his Rice Krispies. He finishes, thanks the pink lady, goes out of the pink kitchen, out the pink door, down the pink steps, down the pink driveway, down the pink sidewalk, gets into his car and drives away. The moral of the story is: Two out of three people prefer Cheerios to Rice Krispies.

[franciscanheart]

hahahahahahahahahaha


and now i will never say pink with meaning
did that make sense just then? what i just said....

[prov31girl]

:angry:

All that reading for nothin!!!

[prov31girl]

Ok here's one that I learned when I was little.

Two guys were driving down the highway in a truck. Their names were Trouble and Shutup. As they were driving down the road, Trouble jumps out of the truck, so Shutup did a U-turn to go back and get him. Immediately a cop pulls him over for doing an illegal U-turn. Shutup rolls down the window and the officer asks his name.

Shutup: "Shutup"
Officer: "Excuse me?"
Shutup: "Shutup"
Officer: Son, what's your name?"
Shutup: "Shutup"
Officer: "Son, are you looking for trouble?"
Shutup: "Yeah, he just jumped out about a mile back."