Paladin D Posted September 11, 2003 Author Share Posted September 11, 2003 (edited) APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. 1. NAME ____Dallas Kempo__________ DATE OF BIRTH ___1/26/87_____ 2. HEIGHT _____6'1_______ WEIGHT ____128____ I.Q __N/A___ G.P.A.__?__ 3. SOCIAL SECURITY # ____Privacy_____ DRIVERS LICENSE # ____None yet_______ 4. BOY SCOUT RANK_______Never was a Boy scout________________ 5. HOME ADDRESS _____Privacy________ CITY/STATE ____Bracey, Virginia___ ZIP __23919___ 6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?______Yes_________ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________ 7. Number of years your parents have been married _______24-25________ 8. Do you own a van? __No__ A truck with oversized tires? __No__ A waterbed? __No___ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_____No, not yet_______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises ) 9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____Anytime passed a certain specific deadline. 10pm-12am I consider late________________ _______________________________________________________________________ 10. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ____Not to touch anywhere that is considered a "private area" or anywhere near one.__________ 11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ____________To refrain from any sexual activity, and from passionate exchanges of mouth&tongue______________________ 12. Church you attend ____Don't got any yet _____ How often do you attend ____Read before_______ 13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? ___N/A_____ 14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.) a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ___Nuts____ B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my _____Neck______ c) A woman's place is in the ________Home and with a career however (if she wants), that won't hinder time with family_______________ d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____How large my penis is :ph34r: ______ e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _____Her attuide and face_______ ( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.) 15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _________Become a Film writer/director___________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. ______Dallas Kempo_________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron) Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back) Edited September 11, 2003 by Paladin D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paladin D Posted September 11, 2003 Author Share Posted September 11, 2003 Yeah, I'm under weight. But I'm currently looking for ways to add more beef to myself (such as working out). Give me some time. Btw, why do I have to wait 5 years? I'm going to be 21...wait...so I'm only allowed to marry at 21? :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Huether Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 Pal, I'm in tears! LOL! I think you passed the test. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmjtina Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 :o Your application has been rejected for the following reasons: a. ) accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, b. ) lineage c.) current medical report from your doctor. I'm sorry, Pal, but rules are rules. B) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paladin D Posted September 11, 2003 Author Share Posted September 11, 2003 Your application has been rejected for the following reasons: a. ) accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, b. ) lineage c.) current medical report from your doctor. I'm sorry, Pal, but rules are rules. B) A) I don't got a real supporting job, but I am working for a small Web Design company (I'm not the boss). Should be recieving my 250-300 dollar check sometime... B) Well, all I know is the following... I'm mainly Polish and Italian, with very little French and Lithuanian. I don't know much about my long family history. C) I might have that somewhere, but I'll have to ask my mom. But in the words of Luke Skywalker in ESB... "NOOO!!!!!"" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paladin D Posted September 12, 2003 Author Share Posted September 12, 2003 Did I pass now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 not even close Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 Did I pass now? yep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paladin D Posted September 12, 2003 Author Share Posted September 12, 2003 HORAY!!! :D Hey JMJ, where did your picture go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleflower+JMJ Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 im in hiding :ph34r: are you talking about the yahoo group one? i don't like it....i hate pics.... <_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paladin D Posted September 14, 2003 Author Share Posted September 14, 2003 im in hiding :ph34r: are you talking about the yahoo group one? i don't like it....i hate pics.... In hiding...hmm.... Btw, that pic was nice. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmjtina Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 im in hiding :ph34r: come out, come out wherever you are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qamidalash Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 ::enters room:: Oh my; this is scary. I'll...talk to you guys later. ::runs out:: Sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleflower+JMJ Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 ::enters room:: Oh my; this is scary. I'll...talk to you guys later. ::runs out:: Sarah your telling me! :blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paladin D Posted September 14, 2003 Author Share Posted September 14, 2003 Just wait dear, just wait. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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