Madonna Posted July 30, 2004 Author Share Posted July 30, 2004 So why can't couples who are in love before they get married go in with the same mentality? Maybe the issue isn't arranged marriage or not, but more what the couples attitude is going into a marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagiDragon Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 (edited) [quote name='Madonna' date='Jul 30 2004, 04:10 PM'] So why can't couples who are in love before they get married go in with the same mentality? Maybe the issue isn't arranged marriage or not, but more what the couples attitude is going into a marriage. [/quote] i think they *can*, but a lotta the time, they just don't. They don't see commitment as the foundation of a marriage. If you don't see marriage as a sacred promise, then the marriage isn't real likely to 'work out.' So, yeah, I have to agree with you Madonna. Peace, Joe Edited July 30, 2004 by MagiDragon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daugher-of-Mary Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 My family knew a lovely Indian couple whose marriage was arranged. They were very happy together, but had to work hard at their relationship just like anyone else. (They have a son my age, and the wife told mum to bring me back in a few years and maybe they could work something out. Eek! ) Anyway, I think arranged marriages definitely have the potential for being very beautiful relationships, but I'm not sure it's something an American could handle. In other cultures, people grow up expecting their parents to choose for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christina Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 [quote name='MagiDragon' date='Jul 30 2004, 03:26 PM'] i think they *can*, but a lotta the time, they just don't. [b]They don't see commitment as the foundation of a marriage. If you don't see marriage as a sacred promise, then the marriage isn't real likely to 'work out.'[/b] So, yeah, I have to agree with you Madonna. Peace, Joe [/quote] That's exactly right! So, these people who are in an arranged marriage have been taught that marriage's foundation is commitment, so they "make it work." Love comes after that...heck, it could have even been love at first sight too right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picchick Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 My $.02. Well, I agree arranged marriages can and do work. I have heard how they have turned out to be beautiful relationships like many people have mentioned. However, I do not really support it. I think that if you are adult enough to get married then you should be mature enough pick your spouse. (This can be unture in some cases. That is why couples planning to get married should consult with their parents and priests/pastors.) What if the arranged marriage is not who God wants you to be with? For me, that is the purpose of dating. To find your future spouse. Also for me love is everlasting. If love is not everlasting then what is God and what is the purpose of him loving us? Plus, Jesus really stressed the theme of love in his gospels. He said, "Love your neighbor as yourself" and "Love God above all things." If love wears out then why do couples love each other to there death and perhaps into eternity? I think that affections and feelings wear out. Sometimes I think that Americans today have confused love with affection. God's Blessings and Peace, Meg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Two things: 1) Continuing with what Sojourner said, not all parents can be trusted to act in their children's best interest; some are either abusive or possessive. 2) The first question that a priest will ask during the marriage rite is "Have you come here freely". In an arranged marriage, one may not be able to truly answer "Yes". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagiDragon Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 [quote name='Norseman82' date='Jul 31 2004, 03:52 PM'] 2) The first question that a priest will ask during the marriage rite is "Have you come here freely". In an arranged marriage, one may not be able to truly answer "Yes". [/quote] yes, that's true, but i don't think that's typically the case. I think arranged marriages are a beautiful thing when the people have had a chance to become aquainted beforehand: people know right from the outset that they aren't gonna be all emotional about each other all the time. I think that can help a lot. Also, they know that commitment is the #1 priority in a marriage, not sex or the modern concept of emotional love. it's also very symbolic of the God's love for His people: The people know they must learn to work towards love, it's not something that is a given. Perhaps i'm wrong here. As always, i'll stand by what i wrote unless someone can convince me otherwise. (I love that quote from GK Chesterton, something about the only reason to have an open mind is to close it on something solid.) Peace, Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qfnol31 Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Wasn't Mary and Joseph's wedding arranged? We know how that one worked out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mickey's_Girl Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 (edited) Okay, how can I phrase this delicately? From the female perspective, anyway, going into the wedding night without *affection* could make the wedding night activities FAR more difficult than they would otherwise be. Of course, millions of women the world over have dealt with this. But it's not something I'd wish on myself. MG Edited August 1, 2004 by Mickey's_Girl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichaelFilo Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Coming out of Baghdad where arranged marriages was ( amonsts muslims, is ) the norm, and all dating is for the direct purpose of marriage ( as it should be ), I can only say, arranged marriages are great. Christina insists that it's not love but the idea that they have to love each other that makes the love work out. Now there MAY be some basis to it, but I can't agree completly. It's a practice that has worked for a long time ( and still does ). I think going into marriage acknowledging that you have to be commited is the right way of going into it, right? No marriage based on love that doesn't change it's basis double quick will last, as love in today's terms seems to be affection ( which is why I get a bunch of looks from my buds when I tell them I love them ). Arranged marriages work and I support them, as they are usually tied to socities that appreciate and understand what marriage is for, and the sanctity of it ( as far as the Christian circle goes ). Is it better than regular dating and then marriage, probably not. There are alot of people that I'd never want go out with for one night. Arranged marriages has it's flaws, but I'd hate to think they outdue the good. Anyways, my parents didn't have an arranged marriage so I'm not biased. My grandmother and grandfather did however, and she didn't like the idea, but they had 5 kids, and she deeply loved him after all. It was a financial marriage, but they both went in thinking commitment, they came out happy. The poor-rich marriages don't work out so well when you're using dating as a means of finding a spouse, because genearally you only date people like yourself. Final note, Arranged marriages would never work here in the States. God bless, Mikey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picchick Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 (edited) I was always taught that dating was used as a purpose for finding a spouse. What is recreational dating? What is it's purpose? (out of curiosity) Oh and a few questions about arranged marriages, do the couples get to meet and "date" before they are married? What if they are totally repulsed about the idea? I always wondered about this. Edited August 1, 2004 by picchick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichaelFilo Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 [quote]I was always taught that dating was used as a purpose for finding a spouse. [/quote] I'd hate to consider most high school and nearly all middle school dating based on finding a spouse. [quote] do the couples get to meet and "date" before they are married?[/quote] Well I'd sure hope so, but it's very possible they don't. (The vows taken however allow rejecting the marriage). [quote] What if they are totally repulsed about the idea? I always wondered about this.[/quote] Repulsed about an arranged marriage, it's possible, but I'm thinking you're using the wrong point of view on it. In an arranged marriage, you aren't looking for looks, but a spouse who is caring and loving. Since arranged marriages tend to happen amongst higher classed families who have strong ties with each other, each parent knows the other family, and can take a really good guess at what the child will be like. Looks are not a repelent in countries were AM is an accepted practice. Good looks are a plus, but not so great ones possibly aren't held in a negative view. As far as being replused by the person, they can object during the marriage vows. God Bless, Mikey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagiDragon Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 [quote name='qfnol31' date='Aug 1 2004, 12:59 AM'] Wasn't Mary and Joseph's wedding arranged? We know how that one worked out. [/quote] according to Tradition, isn't that why Joseph's staff always has the flowers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qfnol31 Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 One of these days maybe I'll understand marriage for what it truly is, trying to get each spouse to Heaven. Until I do that, and unless I become a Priest, I'll remain single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagiDragon Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 [quote name='qfnol31' date='Aug 1 2004, 01:41 PM'] One of these days maybe I'll understand marriage for what it truly is, trying to get each spouse to Heaven. Until I do that, and unless I become a Priest, I'll remain single. [/quote] there's a great book called 'three to get married' i think it's by fulton sheen. it's worth reading! Peace, Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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