Why People Are Afraid Of Having Babies...

[Carrie]

This really is sick. It's wasteful and completely ridiculous! I don't know anyone who spends that much on one child. Teens don't need cars, kids can put themselves through college, you can get a great breast pump for $40, many hospitals offer lamaze for less than $50, and the nurses at the hospital can help you with advice the first few days of nursing for FREE. I guess the author of this article has never heard of hand-me-downs. My family loves them. They pass around baby equipment, clothes, and advice around all the time.

[Ash Wednesday]

Very silly people thinking in that article!
It all goes down to people not understanding the difference between a "need" and a "want". Both my brothers are working class and their wives stay at home. They get along fine!

I'm 27, very independant, and all that. Probably won't get married until I'm around 30 if circumstances allow it. I've always been afraid about having kids (I basically put marriage and children together), not because of money, but because I didn't grow up around them a lot, and I worry that I will be too self-absorbed vagabond artist-type to be a good mother. I want to change as a person and I want to be more generous in heart. I don't know if this is because my mom died in November and I've just been in a mode of trying to heal and I've had to re-evaluate things, or what.

A couple weeks ago I babysat my neice and nephew (not until THEN have I learned to change diapers, I'm glad I learned) and while I really love those kids, at times I felt drained and just wanted to go home. Maybe it's different when they are your own?

Has anyone here ever worried about kids being "foreign" to them if you didn't grow up around them much? And is it really different when they're your own?

I talked to a photographer I worked with and he was a lot like me. He's an artist, waited until later to marry (around 30) He and his wife got pregnant accidentally (they didn't know if they wanted kids) but they have two now and are loving family life. So that's encouraging to me.

[1337 k4th0l1x0r]

The worst part about the article is that it makes it seem like not spending the money is not loving the child. Most grandma's would love just having still pictures of their grandkids. If a coworker of mine showed me a picture of a child, I'd congratulate him and tell him how cute the kid is. If a coworker came up to me and handed me a DVD with 60 minutes of film and 500 pictures of his child, I'd probably just start busting out laughing. I've never once thought that the best way my Mom and Dad could have loved me would be to take more pictures or home videos.

As for cars, I drove around a pickup truck that had 257,000 miles on it that my Mom had won at a car dealership before I inherited her car (I dubbed it the Jaywagon and drove it for 4.5 years). They finally bought me a new car when I graduated from college at the age of 22 last year.

Some of the diction in the article sounds slightly sarcastic, but if sarcasm was the intended effect, the writer could have done a much better job.

[Ash Wednesday]

I got this from babycenter.com *phew*
I guess I'm not the only one who ever asked this question!!!!

[b]I was never a "baby person" before. Does that mean I'll be a bad mother?[/b]

[i]No, how you feel about babies before you have one isn't an accurate predictor of the kind of mother you'll become. "You don't have to be the type who fawns over babies," says Rubenstein. Once you give birth, it's a whole new ballgame, and feelings you never expected to have will surface as part of the process of becoming a parent.

Before San Jose resident Heidi Oliveri had her son, Brandon, she was a typical 22-year-old — fun-loving, outgoing, career-minded, and definitely not the kind of person you'd describe as maternal. "I was not a baby person," she says. "I never pictured myself having three kids, which I now do." But she's completely comfortable in her role as a mother. "Until you have your own, you really don't know what you'll be like," she says. "But once you have a baby, the maternal instinct just kicks in." [/i]

But for people to bellyache about MONEY... I mean getting financially situated and things reasonably prepared is fine. But like l337 said, you don't "buy" love for your kids. Reminds me of parents that buy their kids nice toys because they feel guilty for not spending time with them and more time in the office or away on business.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='marielapin' date='Jul 28 2004, 11:23 AM'] I really couldn't believe this article. People must be morons to drop this kind of money on a baby! The key phrase to this article is "upscale baby". Who needs an "upscale baby"? Babies are happy playing in a box! All they need is love, shelter and food. [/quote]
I LOVE you Lauren! lol

No matter how often we say this stuff people are still going to be morons and treat their babies like accessories. Its sad people with "upscale baby syndrome" all the time.

[1337 k4th0l1x0r]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' date='Jul 28 2004, 04:03 PM'] I got this from babycenter.com *phew*
I guess I'm not the only one who ever asked this question!!!!

[b]I was never a "baby person" before. Does that mean I'll be a bad mother?[/b]

[i]No, how you feel about babies before you have one isn't an accurate predictor of the kind of mother you'll become. "You don't have to be the type who fawns over babies," says Rubenstein. Once you give birth, it's a whole new ballgame, and feelings you never expected to have will surface as part of the process of becoming a parent.

Before San Jose resident Heidi Oliveri had her son, Brandon, she was a typical 22-year-old — fun-loving, outgoing, career-minded, and definitely not the kind of person you'd describe as maternal. "I was not a baby person," she says. "I never pictured myself having three kids, which I now do." But she's completely comfortable in her role as a mother. "Until you have your own, you really don't know what you'll be like," she says. "But once you have a baby, the maternal instinct just kicks in." [/i]
[/quote]
I can vouch for people doing that. A friend and coworker of mine back in college had 2 kids before he graduated with his M.S. (he's a year older than me, and yes, he's Catholic). He and his wife were just going along being regular college students. They weren't cooing every time they saw a baby, but after the birth of their first child, there was a dramatic shift. They had to start spending time with their child, but did not seem to resent the fact that the child took away from what was formerly free time. They welcomed the child and loved the child, and by no means did they have alot of money (think college students... with a kid). I'm sure in 30 years I'll meet back up with him and see his family of 10 grown up kids who are all normal despite not having $250,000 spent on each of them.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='daugher-of-Mary' date='Jul 28 2004, 01:16 PM'] Wow. That is utterly absurd. For just 250,000 dollars, YOU can raise a spoiled brat! What a deal! [/quote]
:rotfl:

[Ash Wednesday]

Cool, l337. I know if I'm blessed with having a family I will not be whining about some $250,000 price tag attached to junior's little toe. If I was worried about money I would never have become an artist.

Someone complained to me that people in the Seattle area where I live (rich Microsoft yuppies) have kids but they are treated like "status symbols."

[marielapin]

Hey Ash.

I grew up as the oldest grandchild, great-grand-child, and child in my home. I never really got much "baby" experience. I loved playing with my younger cousins and such, but I didn't really know what to do with babies. I loved kids about kindergarten age.

For me, mothering kicked in, literally as soon as I felt the baby kick. Ok that was bad, but forgive me. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Once you find that special someone and you get married, the warmth and security of that relationship, and a strong relationship with God will help you feel confident and ready to have a baby.

I was never a baby fawner either.

[marielapin]

[quote name='immaculata' date='Jul 28 2004, 12:25 PM'] I missed you, marielapin! :wub: [/quote]
Thanks.

I've been here, just a little more quiet. I can only post when Dominic is sleeping or calm, like he is now. He's very strong for his age and I can't hold on to him when he's throwing all his weight around and type at the same time, so I just surf and read.