Large Families

[StColette]

Hey, I haven't posted in here yet lol

well my immediate family is rather large. I have 2 older brothers, 28 and 25, the 27 yr old is a 1st Lt. in the Army and he has a son and the 25 yr old is a Vet School student in NC. Then I have 2 older sisters, 27 and 22 fixing to be 23, the 27 yr old is moving back home to La this week with her three kids and the 22 yr old is married and has 2 kids, then there is me 19 turning 20 in November, and my parents are divorced and my mother remarried so now I have 2 younger step sisters, 13 and 10, but I rarely get to see them since my mom lives in NC and I'm in Louisiana. So that's my immediate family lol I love having a large family and if God lets me I want a bunch of kids when I get married

[hopeful1]

As an only child, i can tell you guys it ain't always what it's cracked up to be. Growing up i was very shy and i grew up in a nieghborhood where there weren't alot of kids around, so i was very lonely. I think if i had a bigger family i wouldn't have been so shy growing up because you do have more people in the house, and it's even more so when they bring their friends over, so you're forced to learn more communication skills and how to interact with other people, ect. You also learn self defense, especially when that annoying little brother is bugging the heck out of you. I also think being an only child in the area i grew up in affected the way i form friendships, because i was kinda a loner growing up.

Now when i get married (unless if He's calling me to be a sister), i know i want to have kids, not just one or two. I also notice on the campus i'm at right now that three seems to be the magic number for the number of kids (that is, according to one of my professors, if you have more than three you're a prime candidate for the nut house). I don't know if i can exactly afford the "catholic dozen", especially if i'm considering being a teacher, but I'd love to have at least 4 kids. of course that's up to God (i just hope he agrees! )

[BurkeFan]

I wish I had more siblings... only one older sister. As a result, I'm not at all used to being around young kids. People who grow up in big families, I think, tend to be better parents.

[MG's_mom]

Wow!! What great responses!!

I came from a large family (9 kids) and my husband and I have eight.

What people who make such comments (about attention and such) don't understand is that love doesn't come in a set amount--you have just as much to give to your last child as your first. Someone's comment that, usually with one or two children, the mother works outside the home, is by and large true in my own circle of acquaintances. This of course cuts down by a large amount the "attention" children get. And don't forget, they trade 40 hours of time every week they could be spending with their children. I read a saying in a book--"motherhood is the basket into which I have chosen to place all my eggs." Children, whether one or many, know if their parents are doing so. As for the babysitting factor, ask Mickey's Girl--when she was about 13 she told me that "she" was raising my children. But, everybody contributing means that the children are not living a selfish life.

Sounds like the original conversation was with someone who meant well but has been taken in by the world's opinion.

By the way, tho' I grew up Catholic, we now go to an Assemblies of God, where there is an explosion of families with 5, 6, 7, and more children. Give them time and they will get to a dozen! God is revealing to them the fallacy of birth control--if we truly desire to have God lead in every area of our lives, then that means EVERY AREA of our lives.

[Mickey's_Girl]

[quote name='MG's_mom' date='Jul 19 2004, 06:23 AM'] As for the babysitting factor, ask Mickey's Girl--when she was about 13 she told me that "she" was raising my children. [/quote]
LOL! It's true--I did! :ph34r: I honestly felt that at the time! (Mom was working outside the home part-time (briefly), and I had 5 younger siblings. That was a tough summer.)

So, to those of you who are older kids and have to babysit insanely: This, too, shall pass. Hang in there.

To moms who deal with melodramatic children, as well as all the drama of raising a big family: You are not alone, and some day the drama will end.




MG

[mamalove]

I grew up with just one older (6 years older) sibling. Mom had a number of miscarriages. We weren't just too close growing up, but we are now. My husband on the other hand is #10 of 11. Between his nieces and nephews and mine, we have a grand total of 55.

I'm starting on my big family, but I'm not sure if it will get that big. Those c-sections are the pits. Three of them in 2 1/2 years can't be good on my body! Maybe there will be a medical breakthrough sometime which can give me a brand new uterus!! (That would be licit, right?)

Anyway, if #3 ends up being the last, I will definately adopt.

[mom25angels]

Wow, how did I miss this thread!!

I love big families! I'm the youngest of four(probably would have been more but my Mom had a really hard time getting and staying pregnant...in fact my oldest sis is adopted because she wasn't supposed to have any)


I myself have five wonderfull, brilliant and energetic kids(4girls and 1boy) They're aiming for 12. I'm game for more.
I can't imagine having just two. I remember when I was pregnant with my third alot of people were so surprised because i had the "perfect" family...1girl and 1boy.
Now, for the most part, they just throw their hands up and keep their comments to themselves!!! I guess the figure I'm a lost cause. They just don't get that there are five times the hugs and kisses.
I have the most wonderfull almost twelve year old who adores her siblings. She helps with them all the time and rarely complains. Her friends love to hang out here and play with the babies and even give them "hand me downs". They always say"I just knew baby Theresa would love this doll/game/toy!" Some of them don't have any siblings or just one and they are jealous of my dd's siblings. HMMM. I think thay would gladly give up one on one time with their parents for a sister or brother or two.
I think my kids are such good friends to their own friends in a large part because they have siblings to learn how to share with at home. They are throughoughly confused when their friends say unkind things like"I'm not your friend anymore" They are used to hammering out their differences with each other they just don't "get it" when someone else doesn't know how to do this.

Just my two cents......I could go on and on but then I'd bore you all to death.

[Maddalena]

XD Ever since you joined, I thought your username meant that you were the mom of 25 children!

[IcePrincessKRS]

hehe ok, 3 pages is too much for me to read through right now. Sorry it took me so long to come in and add my 2 cents.

I come from probably one of the biggest families here at phatmass. I am the second oldest of 12. My husband is the 7th of 11. We both LOVE being from large families. We love having all that wonderful family to expose our children to. In my family growing up we all got plenty of attention. We also had plenty of responsibilities, but thats a big part of what has made us the well grounded, moral, hard working, loving/good parents that we are as adults (and I'd say this goes for both of our families). We didn't get less love because there were more kids, we got 12x the love and attention we would have gotten if we were only children! So many only children or kids who only have 1 or 2 siblings end up in day care or with sitters half the week. How is that giving them MORE love and attention? The parents aren't there half the time! There was alot of sharing, and passing on of things in my family, we never got the super expensive sneakers or whatever but we honestly never thought twice about it. We still got what we needed or wanted (wanted=often, not always, but kids shouldn't always get everything they want! And we weren't the kind of kids who went to a store and begged for every cool thing we saw, if we went to get Jordan new Church pants thats what we went for, other stuff wasn't really on our minds); when my brother wanted a guitar for Christmas he got it without my parents going broke and when he wore that one out he got a replacement. In my family we love and we argue, its part of life and brings us even closer. Even with 12 kids we always got a little bit of private time to chat or hang out with mom or dad. When I talk to my Mama on the phone and we say goodbye she still says "I love you, baby girl" and I still say "I love you, too, Mama." I *always* tell my brothers and sisters I love them when I talk to them on the phone or when we visit. (But I don't have a problem pointing out certain faults or things that should be changed either.)

People ask all the time if we're "from the same two parents" (no, we're all aliens who just decided to invade these poor people's home). When I was 16 and had a job a woman I worked with said, unabashedly, "Hasn't your mother heard of tubal ligation?" I looked her square in the eye and said "We don't believe in that." She didn't have anything else to say. lol My friends all tell me things like "And people think I have a big family, we only have 4!" One friend is from a very Catholic community and she gets the reverse, her mom was never able to have more than 2 and she always got questioned about why her family was so small. Alot of people don't realize that there are 2 extremes, people who think you're weird for having too many kids and people who think you're a sinner because you don't have alot. (I have to rant a little on that because before I was even pregnant with Adrienne I had nosey people asking me and my friends if I was expecting yet, and honestly it was none of their buisness, they didn't know our financial situation or if I had fertility problems--I don't--questions like that are SO rude!--with the exception of people who know you really well and know your exact situation and if your'e trying to conceive or not.) Most certainly if you know someone is using contraceptives or contemplating abortion you should counsel them, there is no doubt about that.

If you HAVE to limit the number of children you have for a just reason, abortion is definately not the answer. Give it 5 or 10 years and then try explaining to your kid why you KILLED their brother or sister!!!

I once said in a thread in the debate table that kids don't need money or stuff to make them happy and feel loved. They just need LOVE. Adrienne is happier sitting on my lap drinking my glass of water than she is in a room full of toys. And that attention doesn't get diminished with the more kids you have, my family is proof of that. More people, more lovin'!!!

Edited August 7, 2004 by IcePrincessKRS

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Colleen' date='Jul 16 2004, 06:20 PM'] It's funny, because you know, the average family of four (two parents, two kids) usually don't spend a whole lot of time together. In reality, there oftentimes isn't a lot of attention for anyone. I've noticed this with some of my friends.

Usually the mother and father both work and aren't at home until the evening, and the kids are either watching TV, talking on the phone, or playing video games. There's hardly any interaction at all.

It's not always the case, of course, but more often than not, it is.

And then there's my family.

There's nine of us (mom, dad, 5 boys, 2 girls). Oh and the dog and the bird. We're noisy, boistrous, loud . . . yeah, you get the point. We're always together and our house is small, so we can't help but give each other plenty of attention!

We don't have a lot in terms of money and material things, but I will say that we are a pretty happy bunch and get along with each other better than a lot of our friends who have only two or three kids in their family.

I think because there are so many different opinions being expressed all the time (constantly, I tell you!), we learn to get along better.

That just seems like a silly argument to me. I mean, would you limit yourself to just two friends so that you made sure that they got enough attention from you? Of course not! There is truth to the saying, "the more the merrier." [/quote]
Sounds kinda like my family.

[DancesforLove]

That is really messed up. It's not about the number of kids it's about parenting skills. Because I know a mom with 2 kids and they weren't happier than my friends family who had 5, it all depends on the parents.