Handling all your Stuff before entering the convent

[kmbrei]

Hello and thank you all for your wonderful posts in this area of the site, it's truly been so helpful and a source of light while discerning my own vocation. I'm planning to enter as a postulant with a community in about one year's time as I still have some student debt that I am working at paying off. I've got a conditional acceptance; once I am debt free or have at least reduced my debt to something selling my car + one year's payments via my savings could cover, I can go. At the end of summer I will be moving back in with my parents to dedicate as many funds as possible to the cause. I figured this would be a good time as any to start paring down my belongings in preparation for entrance, but I don't want to get rid of too many things as I've seen in some posts around here that there are some things people wish they had kept over the years. I haven't been able to find much in recent posts of things you'd definitely hang on to when entering in 2024. Anyone have some insight they could share? I have a sort of desire to just get rid of it all but the practical side of me knows that isn't necessarily the right answer. I'll be entering an active-contemplative order, if that's relevant. Thank you and God bless you! 

[Lea]

Hi! First of all, congratulations on your acceptance and God bless!
I'm currently a postulant with an active order. Should I be accepted into noviciate, I will get a list with items to bring and not to bring (at least this was what the novices told me). 
So I'm also preparing to pack stuff. Personally, I'd keep a basic set of clothes, small things of emotional value, like diaries, letters and photos, sports equipment (I'll be allowed to keep practising my sport also in the noviciate, might be different in others communities) and my bike (I don't own a car). I'm still kind of torn about what to do with some material from College which could come in handy if I was ever to go back to engineering, which might or might not happen both within the order or if I'm discerning out. 

I'll also have to deal with my bank account, the savings I have got and my insurances, but this is something my community helps me figure out. I won't have to give up on it until final vows. 
So mostly it comes down to the things I can bring with me to the noviciate and a few things I'll leave with my mom as I won't need them during the noviciate, but likely later on. 

Probably it would be best to ask about this in your community and then have a look on what you need in your normal daily life right now. All of your stuff minus what you'll bring to the convent minus things you'll definitely need if you'd discern out, that can be stored easily and are not bringing with you minus things you just want to keep might be what you can give away/sell/donate. For example, I wouldn't keep furniture, if you own them, but a laptop/cellphone.

Oh, and did you ask the community how they support members discerning out after years and having to start all over? 

[kmbrei]

Hi, thank you for your insight Lea! It's tough as I've been living on my own for many years now and I've accumulated everything one does when in a house by themselves lol. I've asked my community about what to bring but they've only really got a list of prohibited items for the postulancy year for me currently - in general they've just advised to stick to the basics, for obvious reasons, and will let me know what items they have waiting for me that I do not need to bring once it gets closer.

I have asked my community about what support is offered if someone discerns out - there's not really a clear answer/path that they have as each person's needs are unique. Some women want to go back home, while many others that have discerned with them have gone on to other communities and just needed help transitioning. While there's no funds offered, there's a convent 8 miles from where I'm currently living with a guest house I can live at temporarily while I figure out what's next if that happens. They've housed many young women who have discerned out during or after their postulancy for a short period. Getting there would be no problem as it's only a 7hr drive from the novice house, and the sisters go back and forth regularly. I also wouldn't be required to sell my own car any time soon.

There's also a small group of young women who discerned out but still visit the convent who have experience walking other women through that. In short, there's nothing I'd need to worry too much about if I discerned out. My family also likely would be supportive as they don't really want me going to the convent anyway. In addition, it seems the community's own discernment process and formation work well, as they have almost no one discern out after several years. 99% of the time, it is women who are there for their postulancy year and simply decide not to continue or are not accepted for the novitiate. 

It's a wonderful community that's really more flexible than others can be. They don't normally get to visit their families by going to them, rather their families must come to them, but one sister wanted to visit her sister that was in a Carmelite Monastery before entering. A small group of sisters got together and road-tripped out there to visit with her. It's little things like this that leave me confident I'll be in good hands. 

I also don't really plan on leaving. While of course there's a lot to the discernment process, I'm going in very open to being formed in the religious life and confident in doing so, largely because my live-in at the novice house was for 1 month, and I didn't even want to leave. Of course, God's will be done in everything. 

[Lou]

Hey kmbrei,

 

congratulations on this new adventure you're about to undertake. We will pray for you!

Start by clearing out the things you already don't use: clothes you never wear, books you never reread, college materials that will not help or school stuff that you haven't looked at in years but are keeping incase 'it helps someone else.'! Maybe chuck old things that are no longer up to scratch (within reason), underwear that's past it's sell by, sweaters that are balled.... things that won't help you even if you discern out. Like things you look at and say 'If I'm back here in a year, I certainly won't need this.'

Even if you're not permitted to bring electronics or tech stuff (laptop, phone especially) with you, keep them. Don't give them away, but maybe put your files on a hard drive external and let someone know who could use them if you persevere. Shoes too, keep some shoes, because shoes can be expensive and if you have to leave they might be needed for job interviews, etc.

That's really all you need to keep: electronics, shoes, duvet/pillow, about 3 or 4 outfits of clothing. And a winter coat!

If you play an instrument, bring it to the convent. And all the gear that goes with it!

[FutureFiliae]

Congratulations on your acceptance! I was about to ask the same thing, as I'm currently trying to get rid of my stuff before entrance in a few months. It looks like I'm in a different boat though...I've never moved out (I'm only 3 years past high school graduation) and share a room with my little sister. I don't want to totally get rid of everything, change our room and make it hard on her too, which has been difficult. I agree with what Lou said and that's very similar advice to what my spiritual director told me. As I go through things, ask "Do I use this regularly?" or "What do I really need to live versus what am I keeping just in case?". Also, after my one month aspirancy, I came back and started getting rid of stuff before I was even accepted because I had so much that I just didn't need. After living for a month in poverty, I realized how much I truly didn't need. I too didn't want to leave, but cried on the last day! 

I'm a big sentimental person and had a trunk full of items from elementary school-high school, things I was just saving for the memories. Getting rid of all that was SO freeing. I'm planning on keeping my more recent journals (gifting them to my niece/Goddaughter if I go to Final Vows), some photos and old letters for my family, my laptop, my bike (I don't own a car), a few clothes, sweaters, a couple jackets, and snow boots since I'm from cold Minnesota, one pair of dress shoes that aren't black (I'll be bringing 5 black pairs with), and my collection of books. I can only bring 2-4 of my own books, so I figure the rest of my family can get use out of them. I'm still deciding on things hanging on the wall...my sister and I hardly ever rearrange things and if I take all of the photos/drawings from my brother down, it might be hard on her. Thoughts, anyone?

[kmbrei]

9 hours ago, Lou said:

 

If you play an instrument, bring it to the convent. And all the gear that goes with it!

I didn't even think of this, thank you!! 

[kmbrei]

2 hours ago, FutureFiliae said:

I'm still deciding on things hanging on the wall...my sister and I hardly ever rearrange things and if I take all of the photos/drawings from my brother down, it might be hard on her. Thoughts, anyone?

Maybe you could ask your sister what she would like to keep and help her with arranging the room to her liking before you go. It could be a good activity for the both of you to both spend some time together and give each other some good closure on the way things are now. 

[FutureFiliae]

3 hours ago, kmbrei said:

Maybe you could ask your sister what she would like to keep and help her with arranging the room to her liking before you go. It could be a good activity for the both of you to both spend some time together and give each other some good closure on the way things are now. 

Beautiful idea! So much of me just wants to get rid of it all...either all or none is my type.