Becoming a nun with mental illness

[CatholicFam]

A family member is interested in a religious vocation.  She has a long history of mental health issues.  These issues include multiple episodes of clinical depression, chronic anxiety, history of obsessive compulsive disorder with intrusive thoughts, episodes of self harm, suicidal ideation, and unresolved trauma issues.  She is currently taking medication for depression and anxiety.

Her faith is strong and a large part of her life.  But we think she needs to find other ways to serve God as opposed to a vocation.  What are your thoughts?

[Bonkira]

Ultimately a potential vocation to religious life is between her and God, and the blunt truth of the matter is that her family's desires for her aren't more important than that...it is her that lives the plan God has for her. Certainly you want the best for her, but if God intends her for religious life that is the best for her. If that is what his plan is for her, he will lead her to a community that supports her situation, or he will create in her the vocation that suits her best.

Edited November 29, 2021 by Bonkira

[Dymphna]

First, I'm wondering a bit about the background of your question. You write as "we", which is fairly unusual for a forum and gives the impression of several relatives who would like to have the support of an internet forum of perceived "experts" to convince their family member to find "other ways to serve God", which makes me feel just a bit instrumentalized and uncomfortable. I could be wrong, obviously.

But for a start: I'm definitely not an expert and I certainly don't want to give the impression that I know better than the person concerned what her vocation is. As Bonkira said, that is a thing between her and God. (And by the way, everybody has a vocation, whether it is for religious life or for another path.)

That said, the description you give of your family member sounds not unfamiliar to me. I was in similar terrain, some years ago. I am now starting out as a member of a religious community. But it was a long and hard way to get there. It took years of intensive therapy, hospital, medication, lots of pain, several rejections by religious communities. And it may still not work out in the end, for all sorts of reasons.

Religious communities are very reluctant to accept members with mental health issues, for understandable reasons: Religious life is emotionally challenging for a healthy person already, if you're emotionally fragile then it would just be dangerously damaging for you.

On the other hand: I do believe in post-traumatic growth and I'm convinced that working through my mental health issues has made me a stronger person in some aspects than others, who never had to fight such monsters in their own head. If I'm lucky, this strength will be enough for me to cope with the issues where I will always have more problems than others.

So, given the description of your family member that person doesn't sound like someone who would be able to join a religious community right now. They would need to work on their mental health first, and this will take time. Maybe their wish to be able to join a community can motivate them - trauma therapy is definitely no fun, so motivation is good. Maybe during the course of that work, they will find out that God has other, good plans for them. Maybe they will, at the end, still wish to join a religious order, and maybe this will then be possible.

[gloriana35]

6 hours ago, Dymphna said:

you write as "we", which is fairly unusual for a forum and gives the impression of several relatives who would like to have the support of an internet forum of perceived "experts" to convince their family member to find "other ways to serve God", which makes me feel just a bit instrumentalized and uncomfortable.

I'll admit this makes me uncomfortable, as well. Dymphna made some excellent points. 

Whether a community would consider someone with the mental illnesses you mentioned may be unlikely - that is for your relative to work out with the congregations, painful though it can be. But don't keep pressuring your relative to forget about religious life (even if that is a strong possibility), or she'll feel she has no-one left on her side. (No-one encourages anyone to enter, in any case, even if they have the best of health. But dealing with mental illness is a daily struggle, and feeling everyone is against one can trigger some worse symptoms.)

[Feankie]

I'm also finding this more than a bit uncomfortable.  We are not (although some may be in their private lives) therapists, psychiatrists, etc.  Nor do I believe this is what this board was set up to discuss. I may be wrong :)) Not the first time...not the last!

 When the subject drifts into someone (who?  we really don't know for sure, do we)  having "clinical depression, chronic anxiety, history of obsessive compulsive disorder with intrusive thoughts, episodes of self harm, suicidal ideation, and unresolved trauma issues"  red flags immediately go up.  This is not something we can "fix" nor should we try.  As the old expression goes (most of you are probably too young to have ever heard this!) "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."  Just saying that well-meaning comments/suggestions may ultimately do more harm than good.

 

Edited November 29, 2021 by Feankie

[gloriana35]

I may be falling into an old mistake. Whenever anyone mentions a mental illness, I tend to assume that they already are receiving treatment. 

[gloriana35]

I intend no disrespect, but my initial impression was that the first post might have involved 'trolling.' Many people, myself included, deal with some form of mental illness. However, the combination listed there would make someone hardly functional.

I very much doubt that anyone with that combination of disorders could ever enter religious life (though I've known enough vocation directors to know that some make the attempt.) If she indeed has all of these conditions, I doubt she'd even be considered. The very desire (as only her doctor/therapist could help her see) might be some form of obsession or other symptom. My only concern was that family members might be assuming what does not exist.

[CatholicFam]

I am not trolling.  I would not dream of doing that on a forum like this.

And, the history is accurate.  These symptoms can go together.  OCD can be very debilitating.  It can cause depression and anxiety, which can result in suicidal ideation and self harm.  I know myself.  She is functional.  She works very hard to be that way.

I am not trolling.  I would not dream of doing that on a forum like this.

And, the history is accurate.  These symptoms can go together.  OCD can be very debilitating.  It can cause depression and anxiety, which can result in suicidal ideation and self harm.  I know myself.  She is functional.  She works very hard to be that way.

[GraceUk]

I very much doubt she would be accepted by any order given the information you have provided.   However, presumably she is an adult so her family's wishes and plans for her are not the most important thing here.

Perhaps the first thing would be to discuss this desire with her therapist before she thinks about looking foŕ a spiritual director. 

 

Edited November 30, 2021 by GraceUk
Typing error

[Antigonos]

14 hours ago, gloriana35 said:

I intend no disrespect, but my initial impression was that the first post might have involved 'trolling.' Many people, myself included, deal with some form of mental illness. However, the combination listed there would make someone hardly functional.

I very much doubt that anyone with that combination of disorders could ever enter religious life (though I've known enough vocation directors to know that some make the attempt.) If she indeed has all of these conditions, I doubt she'd even be considered. The very desire (as only her doctor/therapist could help her see) might be some form of obsession or other symptom. My only concern was that family members might be assuming what does not exist.

It's hard to avoid the impression that someone with the sort of history described might well have the idea that religious life might "solve" her problems through grace.  I think that's a very dangerous idea.  Convents are like pressure cookers -- indeed, you don't have to be in religious life!  I remember just how stressful and intense being in nursing school in the 1960s was, living in a dormitory with a lot of girls, all having to make radical changes in lifestyle and the discipline of thought, as well as intense study in the sciences. [And we were in uniform, too -- almost like a habit! Uniform inspection daily, and room inspection once a week!]