Intrusive Thoughts (Scrupulosity)

[IHOBB2002]

Hello! Has anyone ever experienced intrusive thoughts before—mainly unwanted sexual images and phrases or blasphemous phrases? I’ve been struggling with it pretty consistently for a month or so and it’s really hurting my spiritual life. I’m confused as to why they are taking place and if I want them or not. Sometimes I’ll get so tired of fighting them that I eventually just think them (phrases like “oh my f****** God), which is terrible and completely distressing because I don’t talk that way, nor do I actually think these things about God. Sometimes the urge is just so overwhelming too that I think these phrases. It’s almost become constant if I’m not completely distracted, and I try to change the phrase to something like “oh my loving, magnificent God”, just to change what’s going through my head. I question how much of it I can control and how much I’ve caused myself to fall into this pickle. It seems like it can’t all be involuntary because of how the thoughts are at times me choosing to think such phrases, but then I don’t really want to hurt or offend God either. Has anyone ever experienced this? Or know a way to battle it? I’m so frustrated and just want to be able to concentrate at work or while having a conversation without having these thoughts. 
also does anyone know how sinful such thoughts are? I’m terrified to receive communion since they are sometimes deliberate, but I’ve also been advised to attend Confession no more than once every two weeks for scrupulosity. Any advice would be welcome.

thank you and God bless!

IH

[tinytherese]

I recommend this website and the book the author wrote on scrupulously. 

https://scrupulousanonymous.org/about-scrupulous-anonymous/

Edited August 7, 2021 by tinytherese

[truthfinder]

4 hours ago, IHOBB2002 said:

Sometimes the urge is just so overwhelming too that I think these phrases.

This is the concerning part of your post - have you talked with a mental health provider? Many people experience intrusive thoughts, but can let them go/pass by.  We are not generally responsible for these sorts of thoughts (in the same way we aren't responsible for dreams).  It's the entertaining of those thoughts where will and intent come into it.  The fact that you are saying that this is overwhelming definitely points to something which is giving you distress and should be discussed with a medical provider (possibly like a religiously manifesting OCD or the like).

4 hours ago, IHOBB2002 said:

also does anyone know how sinful such thoughts are? I’m terrified to receive communion since they are sometimes deliberate, but I’ve also been advised to attend Confession no more than once every two weeks for scrupulosity.

You've got to follow your confessor here. The usual rule for the scrupulous is, if there is a doubt about the sin, it's probably not a sin (or definitely not mortal).

[Xavier Perez-Pons]

I recommend reading this book where the struggle of Christians against intrusive thoughts is exposed: Can Christianity Cure Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

[benedictaaugustine]

I too can struggle with unwanted intrusive thoughts, but what I do is offer those thoughts (even the really bad ones) to God as an offering, because I suffer from them, but I can offer it to God. It’s best not to try to stop them or get majorly upset about them or else you can send yourself into a spiral or fixate on them. Just shrug, laugh, and offer the thoughts to God. If it gets really bad that you’re ruminating on them, I’d recommend seeing a mental health professional!

[IHOBB2002]

Thank you! I don’t think I’ve been told to offer it up before. That’s a great suggestion.

[benedictaaugustine]

21 hours ago, IHOBB2002 said:

Thank you! I don’t think I’ve been told to offer it up before. That’s a great suggestion.

I hit a point a couple years before that I was having a lot of cursing and sexual intrusive thoughts that even involved religion or Jesus etc. like the stuff you would never willingly think. I literally started to thank God for them, every time a thought would pop into my head I would say “thank you God, glory be to you”, and it helped tremendously with my annoyance at them, but also the frequency. I figured that it could have been OCD, or if it was the offchance the devil was trying to oppress me with them, then I’d just turn his insults on their head, so every insult would become a praise of God. It stopped pretty quick! 

[IHOBB2002]

On 8/8/2021 at 12:27 PM, benedictaaugustine said:

I too can struggle with unwanted intrusive thoughts, but what I do is offer those thoughts (even the really bad ones) to God as an offering, because I suffer from them, but I can offer it to God. It’s best not to try to stop them or get majorly upset about them or else you can send yourself into a spiral or fixate on them. Just shrug, laugh, and offer the thoughts to God. If it gets really bad that you’re ruminating on them, I’d recommend seeing a mental health professional!

 

On 8/8/2021 at 12:27 PM, benedictaaugustine said:

I too can struggle with unwanted intrusive thoughts, but what I do is offer those thoughts (even the really bad ones) to God as an offering, because I suffer from them, but I can offer it to God. It’s best not to try to stop them or get majorly upset about them or else you can send yourself into a spiral or fixate on them. Just shrug, laugh, and offer the thoughts to God. If it gets really bad that you’re ruminating on them, I’d recommend seeing a mental health professional!

How did you approach receiving the Eucharist? I’m confused as to whether my thoughts are truly intrusive and involuntary, but because I think I’m causing some of the thoughts, I don’t want to receive—although I know the healing graces in the Eucharist would be beyond helpful to me. Did anyone ever advise you on the degree of sin (ie mortal vs venial vs no sin)?

[benedictaaugustine]

11 hours ago, IHOBB2002 said:

 

How did you approach receiving the Eucharist? I’m confused as to whether my thoughts are truly intrusive and involuntary, but because I think I’m causing some of the thoughts, I don’t want to receive—although I know the healing graces in the Eucharist would be beyond helpful to me. Did anyone ever advise you on the degree of sin (ie mortal vs venial vs no sin)?

I never took issue with receiving the Eucharist because I knew I rejected those thoughts. If you aren’t wanting these thoughts and are suffering from them, please don’t keep yourself from the Eucharist. What do you mean by thinking that you may be causing these? 
At least for me, if I was watching violent movies constantly or listening to music with horrible lyrics, or watching sexual shows, I think I would be partially responsible if violent, cursing, or sexual intrusive thoughts start ramping up. Remember, I said constantly, not the odd movie or song. But if this scenario doesn’t apply to you, it sounds like you genuinely are distressed from these thoughts, and it sounds like a form of OCD. Be not afraid, my friend, there’s help available! We are not responsible for our thoughts, we are responsible if we start dwelling on them or entertaining them. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. Shrug at them, move on with your day, and offer them as a gift to God. If you continue to suffer, I’d see a counselor or speak with a trusted and not scrupulous spiritual director. And receive the Eucharist daily if you can! Remember, mortal sin must involve willing and meditated consent. It doesn’t sound like this in your situation.

[IHOBB2002]

40 minutes ago, benedictaaugustine said:

I never took issue with receiving the Eucharist because I knew I rejected those thoughts. If you aren’t wanting these thoughts and are suffering from them, please don’t keep yourself from the Eucharist. What do you mean by thinking that you may be causing these? 
At least for me, if I was watching violent movies constantly or listening to music with horrible lyrics, or watching sexual shows, I think I would be partially responsible if violent, cursing, or sexual intrusive thoughts start ramping up. Remember, I said constantly, not the odd movie or song. But if this scenario doesn’t apply to you, it sounds like you genuinely are distressed from these thoughts, and it sounds like a form of OCD. Be not afraid, my friend, there’s help available! We are not responsible for our thoughts, we are responsible if we start dwelling on them or entertaining them. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. Shrug at them, move on with your day, and offer them as a gift to God. If you continue to suffer, I’d see a counselor or speak with a trusted and not scrupulous spiritual director. And receive the Eucharist daily if you can! Remember, mortal sin must involve willing and meditated consent. It doesn’t sound like this in your situation.

By “causing” the thoughts…I mean when I am not focused on the thoughts they don’t come near as frequently. However 75%+ of my day is spent trying to not think these thoughts. Even if I’m busy I’m thinking about them—it even interferes with conversations I’m having. Sometimes I get so tired of fighting them that I think them to get momentary relief. Thus, by thinking the thoughts in pursuit of relief, am I not consenting? Because I’ll be thinking “no, no, no…..*insert thought*”. I’m mainly concerned about thinking them for relief.

When I think about these thoughts in the past, it doesn’t make sense that I could go from working so hard to reject them to so willingly choosing them within minutes of each other. I am truly disturbed by them in the moment most of the time, but it’s the moments of not being disturbed and thinking them to get relief from the mental tension that I think it could be mortal sin. It’s hard to remember every  scenario and I don’t want to offend God if I did commit a true mortal sin.

[benedictaaugustine]

13 hours ago, IHOBB2002 said:

By “causing” the thoughts…I mean when I am not focused on the thoughts they don’t come near as frequently. However 75%+ of my day is spent trying to not think these thoughts. Even if I’m busy I’m thinking about them—it even interferes with conversations I’m having. Sometimes I get so tired of fighting them that I think them to get momentary relief. Thus, by thinking the thoughts in pursuit of relief, am I not consenting? Because I’ll be thinking “no, no, no…..*insert thought*”. I’m mainly concerned about thinking them for relief.

I think something as pithy as “well, just stop worrying about it and relax your brain so the thoughts won’t come” would be extremely unhelpful lol. To be honest, this sounds like a form of OCD and chronic worry. I would see if you can find a counselor for a couple sessions to work through this, it sounds exhausting. But as for intent, I think you’re in the clear here. A) it sounds like a mental health issue, your brain is wired to dig these trenches, so you’re not in quite control over this. OCD is a suffering and I’m pretty sure that Jesus understands the lack of culpability B) nobody is in control of their thoughts most of the time anyway, I can think my roommate is the most annoying person and have annoyed or mean thoughts drift through my head, but if I’m not purposely delighting and dwelling or acting on them, it’s thoughts man. The brain is a blob of wires and chemicals that have more control than “you” do. 
At any rate, the sentence “75% of your day is spent trying not to think those thoughts” sounds like the major problem here. You can’t stop yourself from thinking thoughts, and if you try to stop yourself from thinking of a pink elephant, you’ll keep thinking about it and exhaust yourself trying to stop a fruitless task. Keep busy with exercise, good diet, and sleep. If the thoughts come, let them come, pass through your brain and out the other end. Laugh and say goodbye to them and ask Jesus to purify your thoughts as they pass through. Trust me, the struggle makes it worse. But anyway, do look into a couple sessions of therapy

[truthfinder]

Very much echo what Benedictaugustine has said here. I am so sorry you fighting with this right now.

Also, in terms of traditional spiritual advice, usually the advice is if doubts come to you, try to reason them away. The exception, the spiritual writers say, is sexual thoughts (and honestly, disordered thinking - that is, irrational, unwanted thoughts like what you're describing), from which they say to flee.  Distract yourself with something wholesome - work, hobby, reading, exercise.  Don't get caught in thinking you have to fight off these thoughts and conquer them - just flee them. Because if you spend all your time thinking about not thinking these thoughts, you still are feeding into the anxiety/scrupulosity mechanism of your brain. If distracting yourself with something good does not switch your brain over, it truly, truly is something you have to see someone about.  And there's absolutely no shame in that - accept it as a cross from the Lord, a lesson in humility to reach out.

[tinytherese]

If you’re unsure if your thoughts are deliberate or not, then they're not. The Ten Commandments for The Scrupulous may reassure you. 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://scrupulousanonymous.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Ten_Commandments_for_the_Scrupulous_2013.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwi65u2hp6ryAhVIGs0KHUceBrUQFnoECAQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw0yIkMxtD0MTL3a7hwAwEOV

 

I recommend a therapist preferably a Catholic one who specializes in religious OCD. Also, I suggest reading "I Believe in Love: A Personal Retreat Based on the Teaching of St. Therese of Lisieux" by Father Jean C.J. d'Elbee. It's a spiritual masterpiece.