Ask a Sister a question!

[Sister Andrew]

Howdy all,

I'm not on phatmass much but I have a little time the next couple of days so I thought I'd offer a chance to ask a Sister a question (this could be fun, right?) I definitely don't have all the answers about religious life and such but I can share from my experience and for the other Religious on here feel free to answer questions too. 

Ok, what do you want to know about the life of a Sister?? 

[StThereseMaria]

How did you end up becoming a sister? How does one know they have a vocation/call to religious life?

[Swami Mommy]

I would like to know how you internally process and sustain an ongoing interest in religious life during those dry acedia times when you take pause and reassess where you’ve been in your spiritual journey and whether it has fulfilled you over the course of your vocation.  What do you learn about yourself during those times?  (Note:  I understand and assume that this happens in ALL walks of life, not just in religious life.)

[Sister Andrew]

On 7/9/2021 at 12:41 PM, StThereseMaria said:

How did you end up becoming a sister? How does one know they have a vocation/call to religious life?

How did I become a Sister? That's a big question! Basically, I grew up in a very non-practicing Catholic home. (we didn't even go to Mass on Christmas or Easter!) during my junior year of high school I realized I needed to know what I believed before I went off to college so I went to church on my own, encountered Jesus in the Eucharist (yay!) and little by little in times of prayer before the blessed Sacrament realized He was calling me to live completely for Him. I didn't think religious life still existed but then I went to a Steubenville youth conference and saw Sisters EVERYWHERE! Then I knew I really had to pray about my vocation. over time I met my Sisters and applied to enter my senior year of college and entered after graduation. 

How does one know if they have a vocation to the religious life. A good first step is finding a spiritual director who can help you discern your vocation. Also, you have to actually visit communities and get to know them (and let them get to know you-discernment goes two ways)  For me there were steps along the way and at each step I knew I should keep going. 

 

That's a simple answer. Was that helpful?

[AVEBVM]

How did you pick an entrance date after being accepted?

[Sister Andrew]

On 7/25/2021 at 1:50 AM, AVEBVM said:

How did you pick an entrance date after being accepted?

I didn't pick my own entrance date. It was given to me by my community and if for some reason that specific date wouldn't have worked for my schedule I think they would have just given me another date. 

In my community you usually don't enter by yourself so the date has to work for a group of people too. We usually have entrance dates in August or September and it's usually a feast day. Mine was on August 22nd, the Feast of the Queenship of Mary.

Every community is different but I hope that answer helps!

God bless

On 7/9/2021 at 1:07 PM, Swami Mommy said:

I would like to know how you internally process and sustain an ongoing interest in religious life during those dry acedia times when you take pause and reassess where you’ve been in your spiritual journey and whether it has fulfilled you over the course of your vocation.  What do you learn about yourself during those times?  (Note:  I understand and assume that this happens in ALL walks of life, not just in religious life.)

Wow, that's a good question! For me in times of desolation or dry times I try to remember to look back on times of consolation or times where things were going really well.  I try to bring to mind the motivations I had when I entered. Though I have matured over time it is helpful to go back to the beginning so to speak and remember the initial call that Jesus put on my heart. 

Over the years I've learned a lot about myself! Especially during difficult or trying times I tend to make certain assumptions or have certain feelings crop up. it's especially important during those moments to be able to recognize the root of what's causing the difficulty. It's a little hard to type out but basically I can recognize in myself that when I'm reacting a certain way that's not "normal" for me. (ie: I'm getting angry about something little or I'm focusing too much on a mistake I made or something) I can step back and see that there's something underneath it that is being touched upon and I can bring that memory to Jesus and let him speak truth to me. 

I don't know if that makes sense but there you go!

God bless

[debc]

I am a mom of 3 children and they grew up in Catholic schools without many sisters or just one in high school. I found many in my church, even ones involved in ministry, knew nothing of the younger orders and some that encouraged doctors, lawyers, etc. to help work with the poor. They thought of all religious orders in a more rigid way and when I'd show them brochures or info, they'd be surprised but not too inquisitive. 

I love hearing stories from sisters from more "unreligious" homes or just "Sunday Catholics" The ones from very conservative or homeschooled families are blessings too but expected to some degree, the ones who hear a call without the stage set just right, is inspiring. 

When I told my priest about certain orders that encourage education, not just teaching, that aren't as severe as others with media but have plenty of prayer time, he said "We aren't a vocation parish" I didn't know what he meant but he explained it was older and the children were going to college or not thinking of religious life as in some areas where that is more prevalent. You can't force a vocation, but if young people saw that it wasn't the 50's nuns they see on TV and had literature available, it would be nice. 

So many sisters said they never even saw a young nun or sister and thought most of the orders closed. I think you tube does help with some of that now and online vocation videos.

I wonder though, even now, why sisters and nuns are given less freedom when professed and when entering vs priests. No one thinks they will lose their vocation or get too homesick if they visit family or they visit them. They don't have restricted letters and gifts. In a cloistered community I understand it, but in an active order, it feels like they think a week home the first year or two will undo everything but that can't be true. You are nurturing a call, not indoctrinating. Maybe that's why some orders like older women, after college, they are more mature, but some like women leaving high school, because they aren't attached to as much and less worldly. What is your opinion on this? It's the only thing that made me question some orders when my children were younger. 

[Nunsuch]

2 hours ago, debc said:

I wonder though, even now, why sisters and nuns are given less freedom when professed and when entering vs priests. No one thinks they will lose their vocation or get too homesick if they visit family or they visit them. They don't have restricted letters and gifts. In a cloistered community I understand it, but in an active order, it feels like they think a week home the first year or two will undo everything but that can't be true. You are nurturing a call, not indoctrinating. Maybe that's why some orders like older women, after college, they are more mature, but some like women leaving high school, because they aren't attached to as much and less worldly. What is your opinion on this? It's the only thing that made me question some orders when my children were younger. 

I think you are looking at a limited range of communities; most permit plenty of freedom to travel, visit family and friends, etc. There are more restrictions during the canonical year of novitiate, of course, but aside from that most sisters I know have a lot of flexibility and travel more than I do! 

Most communities these days do not encourage entry right after high school. While some do not require college degrees, many do. Maturity is important, regardless of vocation (fewer people get married as teenagers these days, too).

 

[debc]

17 minutes ago, Nunsuch said:

I think you are looking at a limited range of communities; most permit plenty of freedom to travel, visit family and friends, etc. There are more restrictions during the canonical year of novitiate, of course, but aside from that most sisters I know have a lot of flexibility and travel more than I do! 

Most communities these days do not encourage entry right after high school. While some do not require college degrees, many do. Maturity is important, regardless of vocation (fewer people get married as teenagers these days, too).

 

Yes, you are right, I've been reading a lot about that. I think it's good (except for loans) I have heard the vocation director of a young order say to a Sister that she wanted her to come junior year out of college but she stayed or some right out of high school and I'm like "Why?" Especially junior year of college, let her finish her degree. It sounded almost like she thought she'd lose her. Excited is one thing, but maturity should be there. 

I just watched an ordination of a priest and the officiating priest said to make sure to take his retreats and vacation, he will need it to refresh. One Dominican order I went to had a community in a friary which was nice, they would go to the movies, read religious books (GREAT library) but had stipend to buy their own things too. It was okay to receive gifts from family and I just wondered why they were stricter in some orders with Sisters. Maybe it's an old feeling of sheltering. I'm glad you knew many who got a change of scenery on occasion to keep things fresh. We all need to be renewed. I wish I could do that now. ; )

[Nunsuch]

The men's community is much like what life is like for most of the sisters I know. Some might consider them more "progressive" or whatever, but they are generally very highly educated and professionals in their own fields. They are also treated like competent and mature adults who arrange their own retreats, etc. Yes, they do so in dialogue with leadership, but they are assumed to have both common sense and spiritual grounding. 

[gloriana35]

Since I have participated on this forum, I have noticed how many who feel a calling to religious life seem to make their contacts through Internet sites. I am not surprised that even life-long Catholics know few, if any, religious Sisters. Communities I knew well have all but died out - when I went to a friend's funeral, the small number of Sisters left (in her once large community) mostly were very old. The 'kids' who were in their 60s I once had known - but very few Sisters were entering during the 1970s.

Sisters being highly educated, and in varied professions, is hardly new (though many entered young in 'my time', and were educated later.) What was unfortunate, then , was that many communities wanted Sisters in initial formation to be rather isolated - in some congregations, it might take a Sister a decade or more to get her Bachelor's degree. (I already had an MA when I entered.)  Just to use one example, the Sisters of the Holy Child, who were very distinguished for education in England, were sending members to Oxford from the time that university admitted women. 

Just out of curiosity, I sometimes click the links to communities mentioned here (some are very new - others would not be familiar to me.) I have an impression that certain communities in these categories, who seem to be embracing some practises that were already becoming outmoded years ago (yes, even though the Sisters to whom I'm referring wore modified habits and did not live alone). I gather that some communities are eliminating former permissions for home visits and the like. That was unexpected. May I ask, if this appeals to some who contribute on this forum, why this is so? 'Everyone always being together, doing everything at the same time together...' seems to be a 'selling point' for some congregations. I even have noticed that some new congregations, even if they have a modified veil, wear habits which remind me of those which I saw in childhood.

[magdalenepenitent]

On 7/28/2021 at 9:31 AM, gloriana35 said:

Since I have participated on this forum, I have noticed how many who feel a calling to religious life seem to make their contacts through Internet sites. I am not surprised that even life-long Catholics know few, if any, religious Sisters. Communities I knew well have all but died out - when I went to a friend's funeral, the small number of Sisters left (in her once large community) mostly were very old. The 'kids' who were in their 60s I once had known - but very few Sisters were entering during the 1970s.

Sisters being highly educated, and in varied professions, is hardly new (though many entered young in 'my time', and were educated later.) What was unfortunate, then , was that many communities wanted Sisters in initial formation to be rather isolated - in some congregations, it might take a Sister a decade or more to get her Bachelor's degree. (I already had an MA when I entered.)  Just to use one example, the Sisters of the Holy Child, who were very distinguished for education in England, were sending members to Oxford from the time that university admitted women. 

Just out of curiosity, I sometimes click the links to communities mentioned here (some are very new - others would not be familiar to me.) I have an impression that certain communities in these categories, who seem to be embracing some practises that were already becoming outmoded years ago (yes, even though the Sisters to whom I'm referring wore modified habits and did not live alone). I gather that some communities are eliminating former permissions for home visits and the like. That was unexpected. May I ask, if this appeals to some who contribute on this forum, why this is so? 'Everyone always being together, doing everything at the same time together...' seems to be a 'selling point' for some congregations. I even have noticed that some new congregations, even if they have a modified veil, wear habits which remind me of those which I saw in childhood.

While I’m still discerning, I’ve found in my journey that the best simple answer to this is that many young women (like me) have had the advantage of living in a world that automatically assumes you have the privilege of a career/life of modern cultural freedom, and therefore don’t feel drawn to orders that have “continue to live a life very similar to your current one” as a selling point. (And that most of Phatmass users skew more traditional doesn’t help.) In the updated 2014 version of “Sisters in Crisis,” there’s more nuanced information in how the changes to religious life in the 1960s were handled and academically based theorizing on why traditional-appearing orders have drawn more attention than less traditional ones. 
 

Part of what I see most frequently (and have felt myself) that I am potentially giving up so much of my life as it is now that I want a visual reminder of why I’m doing this. I want to be visibly a Bride of Christ, and I don’t mind having to ask to coordinate visits home with permission (which isn’t that different from scheduling days off at a lay job) and value the sense of community that comes from a communal schedule. I’m very glad that less traditional orders exist (I imagine that St. Francis de Sales suggesting the Order of the Visitation of Holy Mary didn’t have to chant a midnight or 4 AM office was radically non-traditional at the time), they serve many women who are called wonderfully, but I’m not called to that (for the same reason I’m not called to life in Carmel: I’ve discerned out of it) for many women I’ve spoken with the habit was one of the most discussed factors in deciding to discern with an order at all.
 

Orders with habits are automatically assumed to be more traditional, be it in a TLM sense (IE, Sisters Adorers of the ICKSP) or a JPII sense (IE, Nashville Dominicans), while orders without are often lumped together with modern-oriented segments of the church, regardless of how fair a stereotype that is. I think as the reputation of more “modern” segments of the church are used as further evidence of a divide (even though I’d say at my beloved very much NO parish, the most extreme left-leaning actions are a quiet campaign to address how to support gay/lesbian congregation members with respect/dignity, and the occasional flute solo in choral songs), the more orders use their aesthetic (habits, chapel adornment, what their members do as their apostolate) as a visual symbol of their traditionalism. I’d posit that it’s because many visually traditional orders (who aren’t outright TLM organizations) very much emphasize how they’ve interpreted the Vatican 2 reforms to religious life cautiously and carefully, whereas other orders abandoned many “hallmarks” of what lay people think religious life should be. I’ve been guilty of this thought process as well, which is why I wanted to share my thoughts. Sorry for the whole novel of a reply, LOL. 

[debc]

I see that a woman I used to work with at a library entered an order with teaching and other apostolate near me. They teach but have immigration work and an adult daycare center on premises. Someone made a comment in the vein "Why didn't she look into the Dominican Sisters Mother of the Eucharist or one of the newer, younger orders." I said she might have and liked and fit with this one. They also have young women but maybe not the same numbers. They wear a habit and have lots of prayer time but also share duties (not just the young cook/shop) and watch the news, have fun community times and some of the women have FB pages they update a few times a year with religious things or community events. They also have a lot of joy and outreach without the strict permissions for things, vacations, retreats,  but as others have stated, it's what fits in your heart and soul and what you see in the future for your growth.

I think it's sad there is not a lot of interest or information for people not discerning and I hope more are in the news and online for women to reach out in a comfortable manner. Some like the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal lead a harder life, no internet, fans, they sleep on the floor, you have to write or call.  I have asked the Friars of the Renewal for "amazon" lists and helped with some kitchen items. They truly live a life of poverty.  Some convents are gorgeous and they have lovely kitchens and grounds. The bottom line is you don't pick one like a blouse, you have to feel called there as many on this site know. I understand not wanting something exactly like your secular life but with other woman in community (but that might appeal to some) but many women said to in articles they don't want to feel infantilized either. That is something you never hear with men and their orders for many reasons.

I am just surprised how few in my area even know nuns exist in active apostolates.  I worked at a large hospital and someone said "They still have nuns?" Sadly, I've heard that many times, thinking of aging convents as the only ones left and we have a few active one in my state. Maybe with more outreach in areas that aren't as my priest put it "vocation areas" it would help not only with vocations, but with monetary gifts.

[alec339mcbride]

On 7/31/2021 at 8:36 AM, magdalenepenitent said:

While I’m still discerning, I’ve found in my journey that the best simple answer to this is that many young women (like me) have had the advantage of living in a world that automatically assumes you have the privilege of a career/life of modern cultural freedom, and therefore don’t feel drawn to orders that have “continue to live a life very similar to your current one” as a selling point. (And that most of Phatmass users skew more traditional doesn’t help.) In the updated 2014 version of “Sisters in Crisis,” there’s more nuanced information in how the changes to religious life in the 1960s were handled and academically based theorizing on why traditional-appearing orders have drawn more attention than less traditional ones. 
 

Part of what I see most frequently (and have felt myself) that I am potentially giving up so much of my life as it is now that I want a visual reminder of why I’m doing this. I want to be visibly a Bride of Christ, and I don’t mind having to ask to coordinate visits home with permission (which isn’t that different from scheduling days off at a lay job) and value the sense of community that comes from a communal schedule. I’m very glad that less traditional orders exist (I imagine that St. Francis de Sales suggesting the Order of the Visitation of Holy Mary didn’t have to chant a midnight or 4 AM office was radically non-traditional at the time), they serve many women who are called wonderfully, but I’m not called to that (for the same reason I’m not called to life in Carmel: I’ve discerned out of it) for many women I’ve spoken with the habit was one of the most discussed factors in deciding to discern with an order at all.
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Orders with habits are automatically assumed to be more traditional, be it in a TLM sense (IE, Sisters Adorers of the ICKSP) or a JPII sense (IE, Nashville Dominicans), while orders without are often lumped together with modern-oriented segments of the church, regardless of how fair a stereotype that is. I think as the reputation of more “modern” segments of the church are used as further evidence of a divide (even though I’d say at my beloved very much NO parish, the most extreme left-leaning actions are a quiet campaign to address how to support gay/lesbian congregation members with respect/dignity, and the occasional flute solo in choral songs), the more orders use their aesthetic (habits, chapel adornment, what their members do as their apostolate) as a visual symbol of their traditionalism. I’d posit that it’s because many visually traditional orders (who aren’t outright TLM organizations) very much emphasize how they’ve interpreted the Vatican 2 reforms to religious life cautiously and carefully, whereas other orders abandoned many “hallmarks” of what lay people think religious life should be. I’ve been guilty of this thought process as well, which is why I wanted to share my thoughts. Sorry for the whole novel of a reply, LOL. 

While I’m still discerning, I’ve found in my journey that the best simple answer to this is that many young women (like me) have had the advantage of living in a world that automatically assumes you have the privilege of a career/life of modern cultural freedom, and therefore don’t feel drawn to orders that have “continue to live a life very similar to your current one” as a selling point. (And that most of Phatmass users skew more traditional doesn’t help.) In the updated 2014 version of “Sisters in Crisis,” there’s more nuanced information in how the changes to religious life in the 1960s were handled and academically based theorizing on why traditional-appearing orders have drawn more attention than less traditional ones. 
 

Part of what I see most frequently (and have felt myself) that I am potentially giving up so much of my life as it is now that I want a visual reminder of why I’m doing this. I want to be visibly a Bride of Christ, and I don’t mind having to ask to coordinate visits home with permission (which isn’t that different from scheduling days off at a lay job) and value the sense of community that comes from a communal schedule. I’m very glad that less traditional orders exist (I imagine that St. Francis de Sales suggesting the Order of the Visitation of Holy Mary didn’t have to chant a midnight or 4 AM office was radically non-traditional at the time), they serve many women who are called wonderfully, but I’m not called to that (for the same reason I’m not called to life in Carmel: I’ve discerned out of it) for many women I’ve spoken with the habit was one of the most discussed factors in deciding to discern with an order at all.
 

Orders with habits are automatically assumed to be more traditional, be it in a TLM sense (IE, Sisters Adorers of the ICKSP) or a JPII sense (IE, Nashville Dominicans), while orders without are often lumped together with modern-oriented segments of the church, regardless of how fair a stereotype that is. I think as the reputation of more “modern” segments of the church are used as further evidence of a divide (even though I’d say at my beloved very much NO parish, the most extreme left-leaning actions are a quiet campaign to address how to support gay/lesbian congregation members with respect/dignity, and the occasional flute solo in choral songs), the more orders use their aesthetic (habits, chapel adornment, what their members do as their apostolate) as a visual symbol of their traditionalism. I’d posit that it’s because many visually traditional orders (who aren’t outright TLM organizations) very much emphasize how they’ve interpreted the Vatican 2 reforms to religious life cautiously and carefully, whereas other orders abandoned many “hallmarks” of what lay people think religious life should be. I’ve been guilty of this thought process as well, which is why I wanted to share my thoughts. Sorry for the whole novel of a reply, LOL.