"I never thought I'd enter a monastery..."

[DameAgnes]

https://aleteia.org/2021/05/19/the-call-of-the-cloister/

 

[gloriana35]

It is a warm and moving account - but I want to hear what she has to say 10 years from now. Certainly, many nuns are celebrating their 60th anniversaries, but too many accounts of religious life, which seem very lovely and positive, end with 'then I left and got married the following year.' (I saw such a post here, about a Carthusian.)

[Lea]

7 hours ago, gloriana35 said:

too many accounts of religious life, which seem very lovely and positive, end with 'then I left and got married the following year.'

Well, that's what discerment is all about, isn't it? There's a reason for several years of formation before professing final vows and/or getting ordained. 

[Sponsa-Christi]

8 hours ago, gloriana35 said:

It is a warm and moving account - but I want to hear what she has to say 10 years from now. Certainly, many nuns are celebrating their 60th anniversaries, but too many accounts of religious life, which seem very lovely and positive, end with 'then I left and got married the following year.' (I saw such a post here, about a Carthusian.)

I remember that reflection! It was really beautiful, but it did feel ultimately disappointing to hear that the writer discerned out (even though of course I'm glad she found her true vocation). 

Maybe part of the reason why former novices often write so beautifully about their time in religious life is because maybe they're more objective about it? Sometimes when you've been consecrated for a number of years, even if you're happy in your vocation, it can start to seem a little mundane as you get bogged down by all the day-to-day joys and challenges of your everyday life. I suppose an "outside" perspective from someone who lived the life can be helpful to long-time consecrated people that way.

1 hour ago, Lea said:

Well, that's what discerment is all about, isn't it? There's a reason for several years of formation before professing final vows and/or getting ordained. 

I think it's reasonable to feel a little sad when reading about someone who loved religious life ultimately leaving during formation, even if that was the right decision for them. 

With respect to personal reflections, I think the disappointment in the article is different from a rational spiritual judgement on the person's discernment process.

From just a narrative perspective, when you read a really beautiful reflection on religious life that ends with the person leaving, you can't help but wonder: "Ok, but what was missing for this person?" It sort of makes the story feel a little less coherent.

But, my point is that the whole big picture of real life is different from what is captured in just an essay, so you can't really judge the one by the other. Obviously, we're all happy when someone discerns their vocation properly, regardless of what state of life they end up in.

[gloriana35]

"How can I ever live this life? Grace." Well, that applies to any life, but she hasn't even entered yet. Whatever is ahead, in any state of life, those of us who are devout hope God will give us the grace. I can't say 'that's what discernment is all about'  - in fact, I think I'd be a bit puzzled if someone didn't have enthusiasm. I'd just prefer vocation stories from those who actually have found they were suite to the life. All of us started in formation or honeymoon time, whatever, but I actually prefer, even on Internet sites and videos from community, that those who are just entering, or who only just began formation, don't present their vocation stories. 

I made a mistake - I, of course, meant 'suited', not suite

[gloriana35]

Incidentally, someone's leaving in a year and marrying does not necessarily mean she found her true vocation. I've seen too many different scenarios.

[debc]

That's true, leaving or staying can be fraught with questions. In the "olden days" I was dismayed to read how hard it was to leave, the shame, the parents who were dismayed. They usually left in silence like they committed a crime. The woman had no skills for working, was older in those times for marriage and felt out of place. Now, things aren't like that in most areas and women can feel more free to discern. I wonder though about inner pressure because you feel "everyone else seems ok" 

I noticed a slight bias still though on discernment when watching a vocation video from Dominican Sisters, Mother of the Eucharist. They have had sisters who said they followed a sibling but this Sister said her sister entered first and left after 4 years because she discerned marriage and now has 4 kids. Sister Joseph Andrew had a slight smile but no words were said. I thought "That happened fast" but maybe she felt this way for a good part of her 4 years and now is happy and holy in her marriage vocation. I just don't think any order likes to talk about it. 

I see some orders that are smaller welcome new postulants and sometimes they aren't there later in pictures or letters. Sometimes someone will ask online (if on FB) and they'll just say "they left to discern more" It's not a crime but still I feel something you hope doesn't discourage others. Sometimes they feel you don't belong. A Franciscan order had a woman who was posting online about entering and so happy and a year later she said "they discerned this order wasn't for her" but she still keeps in touch and loves them. 

One thing that is good today is that for many orders, communication is better and less mystery.