Anxiety and doubts about religious life?

[StThereseMaria]

so... I'm 17 and i discovered that I have no desire for marriage/romantic relationship nor kids as well (I'm aromantic- I experience no romantic feelings and i discovered this when i was 15 as well. )  when i was 15 and things haven't changed ever since. I accepted the fact that I want to be single for the rest of my life and I'm pretty much happy about it :). However, one day, i was busy doing something and all of a sudden, the idea of a religious life popped into my head out of nowhere and i thought about it for a while and the thought went away. Fast forward, as I began to get closer to the Lord, the idea of religious life came to my mind AGAIN LOL! and now, i cant stop thinking about it . 

 

I am about to discern my vocation to religious life but im confused as what is a discernment? How do i do it? Where do i even begin?

 

Okay, onto my question, ever since i have been thinking about a religious life, I have been feeling so joy and peace of being a religious sister or a nun  BUT I have also been facing tremendous doubts like what if i regret going into a religious life? What if I'm made for this? How can i be a religious sister or nun if im not even good enough or special? I have also been having thoughts like ''I don't think God wants me to do this'' or ''I am gonna regret this''. These thoughts have been plaguing my mind for a while and i hate it. Due to this, I kind of wish God would just give me a straight answer but I guess He wants to take His time with me.

 

Any advice?

[futuresister]

Welcome to Phatmass! I am 18 and discerning religious life. My first piece of advice would be to go to Eucharistic Adoration and pray the Rosary. I can understand your doubts, I have them all of the time. Satan is trying to get to you, don't let him. Spending time in Adoration will give you some peace. You should also be friends with Saint Clare and Saint Therese. They both helped me so much. I started by researching communities and asking them questions. I suggest you do that, or at least look on their website. I will be praying for you!

I also just invited you to a PM chat with a bunch of other discerners.

[StThereseMaria]

24 minutes ago, futuresister said:

Welcome to Phatmass! I am 18 and discerning religious life. My first piece of advice would be to go to Eucharistic Adoration and pray the Rosary. I can understand your doubts, I have them all of the time. Satan is trying to get to you, don't let him. Spending time in Adoration will give you some peace. You should also be friends with Saint Clare and Saint Therese. They both helped me so much. I started by researching communities and asking them questions. I suggest you do that, or at least look on their website. I will be praying for you!

I also just invited you to a PM chat with a bunch of other discerners.

Thank you! I am not a catholic btw aha but thanks for the advice! 

But I am strongly considering to convert into Catholicism

[profer_lumen_cæcis]

3 hours ago, StThereseMaria said:

Okay, onto my question, ever since i have been thinking about a religious life, I have been feeling so joy and peace of being a religious sister or a nun  BUT I have also been facing tremendous doubts like what if i regret going into a religious life? What if I'm made for this? How can i be a religious sister or nun if im not even good enough or special? I have also been having thoughts like ''I don't think God wants me to do this'' or ''I am gonna regret this''. These thoughts have been plaguing my mind for a while and i hate it. Due to this, I kind of wish God would just give me a straight answer but I guess He wants to take His time with me.

 

 

May God reward you for listening to His voice in the first place  The fact that you are open to discernment is beautiful! Doubts at any stage, especially when one first becomes serious about it, are most definitely normal--just do not let the anxiety creep into the peace of your soul! As @futuresister recommended, time in front of the Blessed Sacrament is priceless for any advancement in the spiritual life, and will definitely help guide you during this discernment process! 

 

Aside from staying close to Our Lord and the Sacraments, I think the greatest thing you might do is seek spiritual direction from a learned priest. If you can find one that is holy and learned, that is even better  Pray for God's guidance in finding a director (most traditional priests will be more than happy to offer direction--seek the FSSP or ICKSPs if you can!  ) and watch how quickly you grow in the spiritual life! It's astonishing

 

You are in my prayers! May Our Lord keep you always in His Sacred Heart!

[futuresister]

1 hour ago, StThereseMaria said:

Thank you! I am not a catholic btw aha but thanks for the advice! 

But I am strongly considering to convert into Catholicism

If you have any questions about converting/want to talk about it, I am here.

[ReasonableFaith]

5 hours ago, StThereseMaria said:

I am about to discern my vocation to religious life but im confused as what is a discernment? How do i do it? Where do i even begin?

A good course of action is to find persons living the type of religious life you desire. You can contact individual community members or diocesan vocation directors (the former is highly preferable).  You can ask these persons about the experience of living such a life. Communities expect and welcome such inquires.  

In addition, you can ask these persons how you might become able to live such a life, if you so desire. In general, these persons and communities will be open to discussing the issue with you; they will also allow visits offering glimpses into such a life.  
 

‘Regrets’ of going into religious life are largely mitigated by the amount of time in ‘initial formation.’ Persons are not generally permitted to make a ‘life-long’ commitments to religious life, within a given religious institute, without 5,6,7,9 years experience within the same community.  The discerner is free to leave at anytime and can freely do so in a healthy community. 

Anxieties about entering religious life are not necessarily indication of demonic intervention.  Specific pious acts may or may not help you in the discernment process.  The Saints of old do not necessarily have to be invoked; practical and spiritual advice may and should be sought from those currently, or recently, living the type of religious life you desire.

In closing, the best practical and spiritual advice you can receive is from those currently living the type of religious life you desire.  Call, email, fax, talk to, write those doing so.  Share your spiritual journey and desires.  The vast majority will have encountered persons in your exact position and will be able to offer sage advice. 

[Antigonos]

First, become a Catholic.  This isn't a quick procedure.

Then, live as a Catholic for several years, while completing your education and gaining life experience.

Then, and only then, seriously consider whether you might have a vocation.  I've written to others: the convent will be there for you when, and if, you are ready for it.  Don't put the cart before the horse.  Patience and flexibility are extremely valuable virtues!

[chrysostom]

I have had my own journey with vocation.

Honestly I'm not sure what I would have said to my earlier self, besides really to "pray, hope, and don't worry". Truly, we spend so much time in our heads in the future, in the what ifs, and while a certain amount of planning is good, it is really quite necessary to detach from the future. In the end, God may draw you this way or that but he will never compel you, and it will be your choice in the end (of course any given community will be able to themselves reject or accept). We will always feel some incompleteness in this valley of tears, so don't expect that to go away.

With that said, there is a hierarchy of steps to take before this avenue could reasonably open. Until that time, I would caution against investing overmuch emotional energy into it - of course, sometimes we can't help ourselves. But you haven't even become Catholic yet. That's the first step, and it's the most important one.

After that, communities will want aspirants to have spent some years just living as a Catholic before they will consider you (that is, actually formally received). And you will need to really do that; if you are only becoming Catholic in order to become a religious, that won't help. That doesn't mean you can't learn things about the religious life in the meantime. But it does mean that until you are physically able and ready to undertake serious vocational inquiries with specific communities, that you may be better off limiting how much time you invest into it, as getting amped up about religious life is just not the same thing as the religious life itself.

I know I'm sounding cautionary, but I'm not negative about the religious life in fact. It's a wonderful thing. But you do need some extra time at this point.

[gloriana35]

4 hours ago, Antigonos said:

First, become a Catholic.  This isn't a quick procedure.

Then, live as a Catholic for several years, while completing your education and gaining life experience.

Then, and only then, seriously consider whether you might have a vocation.  I've written to others: the convent will be there for you when, and if, you are ready for it.  Don't put the cart before the horse.  Patience and flexibility are extremely valuable virtues!

I fully agree with Antigonos. I recall, when there was a discussion on this forum about the Sisters of Life, I took a look at their Internet site. I very much liked that they mentioned how converts need several years of the grace of the Catholic worship and sacramental life before considering entrance.

There is nothing unusual about people having doubts about big choices (or regrets, confusion, whatever.) I'm speaking in a general way, since I do not know you, but a sudden impulse to enter a convent, when one is only considering even becoming a Catholic, would need to be very carefully considered - the more if you have an idea that religious are 'special,' and that you're not 'good enough.' 

Spiritual direction is difficult to find, but I hope you do find such guidance. In the meantime, I believe both seeking to become a Catholic, participating in sacramental life and common worship, and having a structured (if simple) daily prayer life (perhaps the Offices) would be a good foundation for discernment. It would be wonderful if you found you had the calling to religious life, and were at a point where you could enter - but your confusion does not mean the devil is distracting you. 

[chrysostom]

On 3/14/2021 at 6:30 PM, StThereseMaria said:

I am about to discern my vocation to religious life but im confused as what is a discernment? How do i do it? Where do i even begin?

Some more thoughts. If, further down the line, you do really want to explore this possibility, I recommend you talk to religious sisters who have been doing this for a very long time. If you really enter and persevere, these are the sorts of people whose place you will be in.

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What if I'm made for this? How can i be a religious sister or nun if im not even good enough or special?

There are different ways to describe religious life, sometimes deriving from the different charisms of each community. One way to describe it is an intensification of the Christian life. Who is good enough or special to merit the Christian life? In the end it is the gift of God. That is, Christian life is the shared life of the Holy Trinity within us bought and paid for by the Passion of Christ, and for all religious in some sense their life is an entrance into that Passion in a very deliberate way since it involves the renouncement of one's will and learning how to die to self and carry one's cross. For that it is not necessary to be good or special. All Christians are called to do this in some way regardless of the circumstances. For religious this renouncement is formalized and given an opportunity to deepen through obedience to a superior.

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I have also been having thoughts like ''I don't think God wants me to do this'' or ''I am gonna regret this''.

Perfectly knowing the Will of God will only take place in heaven. How do we find the Will of God out before that? Or more bluntly, how can we figure out God's opinion about our future?

I am not the person to give an accurate concise summary of Catholic teaching about free will, discernment of spirits, and the properties of God. I will say a few things that I believe are pretty straightforward.

1. Regarding anything involving sin, the answer is easy: no, God doesn't want you to do it.

2. Regarding the most fundamental practices of Christian faith, such as receiving the sacraments such as Baptism, Confession, the Eucharist, and Sunday Mass, the answer is: yes, God wants you to partake in these things. I do believe in the Catholic faith (and as a happy convert of some years), I believe God wants you to become Catholic. The same applies to things like giving to the poor, and making time for prayer.

3. Regarding anything else, such as discernment of life choices which do not involve sin, the answer may not be so clear. But whatever else you do, do not proceed out of fear that you will sin by choosing the wrong thing. All other things being equal, you truly do have the freedom to make life choices this way and that. If you choose something out of fear, the freedom of the choice itself is polluted and made less free. I may be projecting a little of my own story in this comment, but truly, God will not smite you for choosing one thing over another. He will not make your choice for you, and He will still love you just the same.

Quote

These thoughts have been plaguing my mind for a while and i hate it. Due to this, I kind of wish God would just give me a straight answer but I guess He wants to take His time with me.

Prayers for you as you consider entering the Catholic Church. It's home to me now and I am grateful for the sheer grace that drew me in.

Edited March 15, 2021 by chrysostom

[StThereseMaria]

15 hours ago, chrysostom said:

I have had my own journey with vocation.

Honestly I'm not sure what I would have said to my earlier self, besides really to "pray, hope, and don't worry". Truly, we spend so much time in our heads in the future, in the what ifs, and while a certain amount of planning is good, it is really quite necessary to detach from the future. In the end, God may draw you this way or that but he will never compel you, and it will be your choice in the end (of course any given community will be able to themselves reject or accept). We will always feel some incompleteness in this valley of tears, so don't expect that to go away.

With that said, there is a hierarchy of steps to take before this avenue could reasonably open. Until that time, I would caution against investing overmuch emotional energy into it - of course, sometimes we can't help ourselves. But you haven't even become Catholic yet. That's the first step, and it's the most important one.

After that, communities will want aspirants to have spent some years just living as a Catholic before they will consider you (that is, actually formally received). And you will need to really do that; if you are only becoming Catholic in order to become a religious, that won't help. That doesn't mean you can't learn things about the religious life in the meantime. But it does mean that until you are physically able and ready to undertake serious vocational inquiries with specific communities, that you may be better off limiting how much time you invest into it, as getting amped up about religious life is just not the same thing as the religious life itself.

I know I'm sounding cautionary, but I'm not negative about the religious life in fact. It's a wonderful thing. But you do need some extra time at this point.

Tbh, the reason why I want to become catholic is because the teaching is soo...immaculate and beautiful. For some unknown reason, I have become so strongly drawn to Catholicism. I believe God is calling me Home  just a though!

12 hours ago, gloriana35 said:

I fully agree with Antigonos. I recall, when there was a discussion on this forum about the Sisters of Life, I took a look at their Internet site. I very much liked that they mentioned how converts need several years of the grace of the Catholic worship and sacramental life before considering entrance.

There is nothing unusual about people having doubts about big choices (or regrets, confusion, whatever.) I'm speaking in a general way, since I do not know you, but a sudden impulse to enter a convent, when one is only considering even becoming a Catholic, would need to be very carefully considered - the more if you have an idea that religious are 'special,' and that you're not 'good enough.' 

Spiritual direction is difficult to find, but I hope you do find such guidance. In the meantime, I believe both seeking to become a Catholic, participating in sacramental life and common worship, and having a structured (if simple) daily prayer life (perhaps the Offices) would be a good foundation for discernment. It would be wonderful if you found you had the calling to religious life, and were at a point where you could enter - but your confusion does not mean the devil is distracting you. 

Sorry what do you mean by this?-  "It would be wonderful if you found you had the calling to religious life, and were at a point where you could enter" 

[gloriana35]

My meaning was simple. You mentioned that you are not a Catholic, though you are considering becoming one. If indeed would be wonderful if you found you had the calling - though you could not enter a convent before you both became a Catholic and had been practising for some time, plus had the sort of contact with religious congregations which others mentioned. You are not at a point where you could enter now - but pursuing becoming a Catholic, then practising, then entering a discernment process with a community, could bring you to that point. 

[JHFamily]

You are still quite young. The first question in your discernment must be, "Do I want to become a Catholic?"  If so, you need to begin pursuing that end. During that time, a whole new world is going to open to you.

The question about religious life needs to be set aside for a while. It may very well be answered for you during the process of becoming a Catholic or in your early life as a Catholic.  During this time, you will hopefully meet many priests. And your second discernment can begin, "Which priest can help guide me rightly?" and ask him to be your spiritual director. 

He will  then help you work through all those questions about religious life. 

The simple fact is that no religious community is going to accept you into their community until these things happen, otherwise, they would have to install revolving doors for all the people who get a hankering one day to enter religious life but do not have the necessary qualities to persevere.

Edited March 16, 2021 by JHFamily

[ReasonableFaith]

13 hours ago, JHFamily said:

During this time, you will hopefully meet many priests. And your second discernment can begin, "Which priest can help guide me rightly?" and ask him to be your spiritual director. 

He will  then help you work through all those questions about religious life. 

A spiritual director can be a valuable addition to discernment and may come in many forms; perhaps a female member of the laity, male member of the laity, female religious, male religious or a male cleric (deacon, priest, bishop). A spiritual director can help persons discerning whether to enter fully into The Church and/or religious life. Some religious institutes may also be willing to help with both processes as well as help to locate a good spiritual director. 

[gloriana35]

I agree with JHFamily. There are two areas you'll need to consider, during the process of becoming Catholic. (I'm not saying these necessarily apply to you, but many converts have to sort what they truly wish to do - and can have a period of thinking God expects something extraordinary.) Are you attracted to Catholicism because you wish to be a religious? (Proverbial cart before the horse...) Second, if you believe all religious are 'special', and that you might not be 'good enough' (it seems implicit that you may think there is extraordinary goodness in all religious), you'd need to explore whether you truly wish to embrace religious life, or whether you see it as a means to be special.

In itself, wanting to be special often draws someone to a way of life - it's not inherently negative. But one needs commitment in itself, far beyond that initial draw, to have a realistic picture.