Struggling with NFP

[HumilityAndPatience]

7 hours ago, Catholicmom97 said:

I'm so angry with God right now. Ive tried so hard to do his will. He knows how much I try to be a good mother and take care of my children. I try to do the right thing and this happens. NFP doesn't work. Its constantly wrong. I don't understand why I'm being punished for having sex with MY HUSBAND one time. Does God really not want me to go near my spouse???? What does he want???? How can God look at my situation and say here you need another child

Forgive me. I think you need to understand the hard truth that abstinence is your only option going forward. I direct you to consider my last post above- your husband in particular must sacrifice and offer up his natural urges. You and your husband must simply abstain if another child is bringing you such despair. It's really not as difficult as you might think. All the best and congratulations if you are indeed expecting.

[SicutColumba]

The Sisters of Life have an international hotline for women experiencing unexpected pregnancies. It might be worth a shot to get into contact with them to talk about your options, and they could probably help you find an NFP counselor, too. 
Here’s the link:

https://sistersoflife.org/what-we-do/pregnancy-help/

You should probably contact a priest because I think this is a delicate situation that requires discretion and guidance. 
 

Know that you and your children are in my prayers and that God allows you all this suffering because loves you infinitely and he wishes to unite you ever closer to himself.

[Catholicmom97]

I appreciate everyone's replies. Honestly there are just are no options that anyone can help with It seems.

At the end of the day according to church teaching no matter how i look at it, I'm not allowed to be with my husband if we can't handle anymore children. Adoption is not an option for us. If its Gods will I guess it's Gods will.

NFP doesn't work, I don't believe in it. So I give up.

I'm not going to do anything drastic, so please don't think the worst! I'm just frustrated and disappointed.

Just please pray for my sanity taking care of 4 babies if thats what it'll be.

Edited January 18, 2021 by Catholicmom97

[tinytherese]

On 1/6/2021 at 12:03 AM, Catholicmom97 said:

My MIL is a big help with the kids but she is a very nervous person and gets overwhelmed easily so I don't feel comfortable asking her for too much help unless she asks to take them (even then she bites off more than she can chew at times, my two older ones are a handful)

It would be great but with my hectic life right now its not something I can necessarily sit down and talk with people about, I dont even have time to see a Dr for myself right now. messaging? Sure! Emailing? Fine! Phone calls? Eh Can never talk on the phone for more than a few mins at a time. Also meeting with a couple we dont know and talking about sex and stuff like that is definitely not our thing. We dont even talk about that stuff with our own friends.

I went to the link and took the test, it said the method I was already doing is basically the "best option for me" especially since we dont have extra cash the spend on ovulation strips, an actual digital fertility tracker w

I'm sorry that you've been going through so much stress. Speaking as someone with anxiety and depression, I know how that is. You're in my prayers.

 I agree that there can be those who talk about NFP with rose-colored glasses. That's not to say that it can't be good for a marriage or monitor your health, but it takes work. Some struggle more than others.

You might find comfort in the free e-book "When Fertility Feels Like a Cross." https://www.femininegeniusministries.com/e-booklet

Simcha Fisher also wrote a book called, "The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning." She acknowledges the difficulties involved and addresses common issues that people have.

Perhaps it would help to discuss your frustrations on the discussion forum for women who use NFP. People discuss their difficulties and ask questions. Some of the members are even teachers. https://livingthesacrament.com/

Anyone who wants to learn NFP definitely needs a certified teacher. They can make sure that you're properly understanding it. Also, the rules of NFP change when you're post-partum. A teacher is especially important then. There are so many apps out there, but in the end it doesn't replace interacting with another human being. I've tried an app and it just made charting harder for me. Not all apps are even officially approved of by a method a woman might use.

I've been learning the Creighton method lately. My teacher sent me the books and supplies for charting. If I only relied on the books without ever consulting her I would be confused. I recently did a follow up with her and she cleared up some things for me. They understand that there's a learning curve and that most people won't get everything right away.

If for whatever reason a certain teacher isn't working for you, you can switch to someone else. They can refer you to another teacher or suggest you try a method if it doesn't seem like it's the right fit for you. Billings just wasn't working for me, so I changed methods. If you're having trouble affording instruction, they usually offer you an alternative payment plan or operate on a sliding scale.

You could ask friend or family member come over to watch the kids while you talk on the phone, Skype, or Zoom with a teacher. Lots of teachers are willing to communicate that way. There's also the option of sending your kids on play dates with other kids to meet with one. You don't have to say what it's for if you're not comfortable. Plenty of people don't even ask why a parent needs a sitter.

You can also shoot teachers emails whenever you have questions. Some are willing to schedule appointments on weekends and evenings or they may refer you to someone who can do that. You're not limited to the normal business hours of 9-5.

I know that sometimes discussing sexuality can be awkward, but it's probably not as bad or as invasive as you're expecting it to be with a certified instructor. You won't be asked raunchy questions. You'll need to mark in your chart when you make love to your husband which can affect your charting. Questions about sex are really more clinical.

 

Edited January 28, 2021 by tinytherese

[Catholicmom97]

Little bit of an update for anyone wondering what happened:

I did end up being pregnant. But right after we got the confirmation I miscarried on st Patrick's day.

A few months later I ended up pregnant again, and now have a 4th little boy (he was 6 weeks early!) who I'm absolutely obsessed with and cannot imagine not having! Is it hard? Absolutely. But were managing! Hes a little over 2 months old now.

...But now I'm terrified of having another not only because it would be hard, but my dr said theres a lot of damage to my uterus, bladder, & kidneys from scar tissue after having now 3 c sections... Yikes. She was pushing extremely hard for me to have my tubes tied during the c section. So much so that my husband and her had a huge argument (while i was cut open) because she was trying to force me to agree while I was under major anesthesia and could barely breathe/talk. It didnt happen of course.

Nfp will always be extremely hard for us, especially now because I'll have a fear of, well, you know, Dying if I do get pregnant again.

[Archaeology cat]

Congratulations on the new baby!

So, NFP instructor here (Billings method, but I refer to other methods all the time). NFP can be so hard sometimes, I know. As someone else said, I do recommend having an instructor who can help you. I also know this is cost-prohibitive at times. I don't know if you've heard of this or not, but there's a new program that I'm proud to work with that provides no-cost NFP for Catholic couples. It's called CCNFP, and they've partnered with MyCatholicDoctor with this. It sounds like I'm selling something, but really I'm just so excited that this is available now. I wish it had been available back when I was getting married. Or when I was charting postpartum.

You are more than welcome to PM me.