On making comparisons of vocations

[adoro.te.devote]

I dont know where this thread would go but I just want to make it really clear that I'm not intending for this to be ANY sort of debate

This is just an observation. I've noticed that in discernment, it's reallly easy to compare ourselves with others, and compare our vocations as well, based on how other people perceive them. Unfortunately I've noticed this in myself as well. Sometimes when I look at others, I feel discouragement creeping into my heart. This could happen if God calls you to private vows or consecrated life in the world even though these are vocations where you give your heart totally to God! Like shouldn't this be total joy? but then we get discouraged by what others say, or don't say. It could also happen if you have a difficult path towards a vocation, if you have obstacles that no one else seems to have, or if you're just stuck in discernment because things don't work out! (I read of some Saints/Blesseds who took decades to come to their vocation, and spent those decades in waiting or seeking! surely there is a purpose to this, as frustrating as it is?)

I'm just realizing how important it is to keep our eyes on God alone and what He thinks. St Catherine of Siena was a third order Dominican, not a nun, and lived with private vows in her family house. At that time, it was normal for Third Order women to be widows, and the fact that she wasn't, made her different. But we see what an amazing Saint and woman she is, and her vocation is so beautiful too. 

I just felt a need to say this - if God is calling you to be in the world, or if you are still looking for your vocation and everyone else seems to have found theirs, or if you are not being accepted into communities and your friends are, - it's soo easy to compare ourselves and feel worse about the path God has for us... there must be a way to avoid this, so that we don't fall into discouragement? Anyone have any thoughts?

Edited November 3, 2020 by adoro.te.devote

[chrysostom]

18 minutes ago, adoro.te.devote said:

it's soo easy to compare ourselves and feel worse about the path God has for us... there must be a way to avoid this

Having feelings of various kinds, positive or negative, is unavoidable. They will come and go.

We all, growing up, have to learn to live around other people as well as live in our own skins. One might say comparison is a "tool" in the toolbox for this. Sometimes helpful on occasion, sometimes profoundly unhelpful. If it seems to be a persistent source of discouragement for you (and I wouldn't know!) then I'm not sure what I'd recommend besides the ubiquitous "get a spiritual director" thing - we all mature in different ways.

I will say that perspective helps. For me, reading a copious amount of books was a source of finding perspective about human nature and a fount of life lessons growing up.

[Anastasia]

1 hour ago, adoro.te.devote said:

Like shouldn't this be total joy? but then we get discouraged by what others say, or don't say.

The are far worse discouragements, like a well known phenomena: a person is about, let's say, to enter a monastery or the third order and the war begins, in a mind of a person. 

I think St Catherine's primary purpose was to be with Christ and do His will, how and were was very secondary. I think it can be applied to any vocation. It is, in a sense, secondary to the primary purpose. 

[Lea]

Of course finding your vocation should be linked to joy [or - roughly quoting St. Ignatius, if there isn't joy, it's most likely not from God], but still, whatever it is, most likely you are about to take radical decisions that will shape your life forever. Our future is uncertain, so it would be normal to be stressed out. 

A novice mistress I talked to said the more complicated it is, the more likely it's a real decision. Things like this require not only prayer, but mustering up our courage. What I personally find particurlary helpful is hearing from others, both persons who already live out their vocations and others still searching for it. 

Also remember: God wants nothing but the best for us. And if He wants you to enter a certain community or marry or whatever it might be, He will get you there. And if it takes you a few detours in advance, this is fine as well. He can and will wait. 

[M. Therese]

19 hours ago, adoro.te.devote said:

I dont know where this thread would go but I just want to make it really clear that I'm not intending for this to be ANY sort of debate

This is just an observation. I've noticed that in discernment, it's reallly easy to compare ourselves with others, and compare our vocations as well, based on how other people perceive them. Unfortunately I've noticed this in myself as well. Sometimes when I look at others, I feel discouragement creeping into my heart. This could happen if God calls you to private vows or consecrated life in the world even though these are vocations where you give your heart totally to God! Like shouldn't this be total joy? but then we get discouraged by what others say, or don't say. It could also happen if you have a difficult path towards a vocation, if you have obstacles that no one else seems to have, or if you're just stuck in discernment because things don't work out! (I read of some Saints/Blesseds who took decades to come to their vocation, and spent those decades in waiting or seeking! surely there is a purpose to this, as frustrating as it is?)

I'm just realizing how important it is to keep our eyes on God alone and what He thinks. St Catherine of Siena was a third order Dominican, not a nun, and lived with private vows in her family house. At that time, it was normal for Third Order women to be widows, and the fact that she wasn't, made her different. But we see what an amazing Saint and woman she is, and her vocation is so beautiful too. 

I just felt a need to say this - if God is calling you to be in the world, or if you are still looking for your vocation and everyone else seems to have found theirs, or if you are not being accepted into communities and your friends are, - it's soo easy to compare ourselves and feel worse about the path God has for us... there must be a way to avoid this, so that we don't fall into discouragement? Anyone have any thoughts?

Whether someone is a cleric or lives in religious community has no bearing on their call to be a saint. Yes, that means us out here in the often confusing frustrating world. So many saints were married men and women or single men and women living a life of prayer, penance and reparation.

 

[gloriana35]

In my youth, there were many religious congregations - and they had many members. I saw the mass exodus later. Some of the communities I know have only a handful of members left. Fifty years ago, with many leaving, some of these same communities seemed to go to every length to discourage candidates.

Centuries ago, those who were in third orders (women who belonged to religious institutes would have had to be cloistered) often had huge commitments. Their lives resembled those of active Sisters in our own days. Those who made vows did not hide this fact. Some were anchorites.

I cannot help but wonder how many who resign themselves (not who would have chosen) to being in third orders or private vows would have far preferred to have been religious, had the options existed? (I'll never forget when I was entering the convent. A woman I knew, who'd been a classmate of mine - married, with children - belonged to the third order Dominicans, and told me, 'Why don't you just join the third order? You don't want to miss all that good stuff!' So much for understanding consecrated life...)