Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma

[Mary Magdalene_1]

I just wanted to share my experience with the Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma. I know that there are several women out there discerning with the community. Just make sure that you truly take the time to get to know the community. I was in the community for a number of years and we often put on our best selves when discerners come to visit. Things are not so peachy all the time in the convent and there is a lot of tension within the local communities. Sisters can be very ugly to each other when they do not like another sister and will sometimes go out of their way to throw another sister under the bus to authority figures. These sisters will send their own sisters to their own sister psychiatrists/psychologists for counseling. This creates a lot of tension with the community, because anything that is shared within sessions is not confidential and shared with superiors and formators. In past years sisters were never told that this information was shared. In the last fews years the community changed that and now let sisters know that information is shared with those involved in their formation. The community has also been investigated by Rome and this was kept under wraps by the community. 

 

There are many beautiful women with this community who genuinely want to do the Lord's work but this community still has many issues which women need to know about whilst discerning. There is no such thing as a perfect community but I just wanted to make women aware of some of the issues within this particular community.

I am not trying to dissuade women from discerning with this community, simply urging you to make sure you truly do your research before entering any community. 

 

If the moderators fee l like this comment is inappropriate, please feel free to remove my topic.

[underatree]

This fits with some of the experiences other members have reported, here and elsewhere. Manipulative and abusive practices such as the ones you mentioned are unfortunately far too common (in some of the newer congregations especially). I’m sorry you experienced that. Thanks for sharing your experience and advice, and prayers for you.

[M. Therese]

If anyone is seeing a therapist what is shared should be kept private unless doing so would allow the person to do harm to themselves.

Religious communities are full of 'human beings' first and foremost and that means all the best and the worst can come into play.

[Mary Magdalene_1]

I agree that Religious Communities are full of human beings first and that the worse and best do come into play. However I also believe that there is a lot of manipulation that happens within communities which isn't right and needs to be brought into the light. 

I have read many of the posts that women have posted since leaving Religious Life and I think that it's sad to see how many young women are suffering at the hands of Religious. I think that more religious communities need to be held accountable for their actions.

We often hear about the sexual abuse that takes place within the priesthood but we don't often hear about these things that take place within religious communities. It does happen and Religious communities just brush it under the rug and cover it up to save their reputations. And they also protect the perpetrators. 

[nikita92]

There was a PM member years back, that had a negative experience (on her come and see) with this particular community. 

While she was respectful when describing her experience on here, her perspective of what took place, coincides with this post on the RSM! 

[Mary Magdalene_1]

That's sad that she had negative experience on a come and see with the community. Although this is common with this community. If they do not think you have a vocation to their community, they can be quite rude to discerners. I have witnessed first hand formators ignoring or speaking in an inappropriate way to women. It always made me uncomfortable when this took place at a come and see. It just seemed very un-christian to treat people like that. 

[StellaMaris123]

Just seeing this thread...I was a member of this community and I agree with what has been posted. It makes me so sad and angry that this community continues to manipulate young women. While I was a member of the community there was sexual abuse that was covered up and continues to be covered up by the senior members of the community. It breaks my heart to see women hurt by a community that many look up to, and look to in regards to leading the way in Religious Life. There is no such thing as a perfect community but there are certain issues such as manipulation and abuse that needs to be brought into the light and communities need to be held accountable for their actions. Its a shame and a disgrace that countless women are hurt and left thinking that something is wrong with them when they leave or are asked to leave a community when things like those described above.

[andibc]

When someone shows up rather randomly, to post a critical comment, I am suspicious of their motivation and take what they say with a grain of salt.  Especially when they are new, I am skeptical as it is easy to set up an account under different names to post, and then reply as though you are a different person.  I do not know the Alma sisters directly, only indirectly, but they have great fruit and have not been supresed, so I will give them the benefit of the doubt. I also am praying for the OP that she not be bearing false witness out of bitterness, which would endanger her immortal soul. A few of my daughters are in religious life and I have many friends who daughters are in different orders and sometimes we discuss these issues of concerns while in an order and after having left. Discerners beware, no order is perfect.

I hope anyone casually passing by will keep the following in mind: People post that they were "members" of an order when actually they were in formation and not final professed. Immature people sometimes enter religious orders. They may cause problems as time goes by, blowing things out of proportion and stiring up trouble for another sister. Some leave and because of their immaturity, are angry and feel the need to criticize the community publicly. They likewise will blow things out of proportion and try to stir up trouble for the order.  Every community or organization, lay or religious, has this problem. Most orders and organizations put on a happy face when they know they are being evaluated. We all do that. You, I, and the original poster. As you get older, this becomes very obvious. We have all fallen short of the glory of God. If you have had a bad experience with an order, you probably should write a letter to their bishop detailing your concern and include times and names. Reread your letter and ask yourself, have I ever been grumpy, nasty, short tempered, gossipy? Was their real intent to be malicious? Is there really a large number of sisters who are this (negative) way, or just a few with strong personalities? If you still believe there is a serious problem beyond what is normal, mail that letter to the bishop. 

If you feel called to an order, take what you hear about them from strangers with a grain of salt. Always consider the source, and when you visit the order, pray to your angel and Our Lady to enlighten you. Stay close to the Heart of Jesus and you will sense if something is off. If you still feel called to an order, but are concerned about online gossip you've read, ask the vocation director. If she becomes defensive or angry, you will know that there is some truth to your concerns.  

Edited November 24, 2020 by andibc

[Feankie]

I was going to reply to this topic a day or so ago, but hesitated as I've had my proverbial hand slapped and called out by others the past month or so.  I'm thick skinned and have a boatload of education and experience under my belt, so I can take it if you deign to dish it out :)). 

But you took the "words out of my mouth".  Is this the place to air "dirty laundry" about an Order?  There is absolutely no way for others to confirm or deny the "stuff" in your posts/s...to readers it's hearsay, nothing more, nothing less.  I hesitate to call it information as we have no idea whether it is indeed true or not.  This is not meant to be demeaning to the original poster, just a statement of fact.  My feeling is this is not the place for this kind of posting.  VS is and has been over the years the place for encouraging vocations, not demeaning possible vocation choices.  

[Sponsa-Christi]

I agree it should be common sense to take anonymous complaints about religious communities with a grain of salt, but I still think occasional "negative" posts should be welcome on VS. (And I write this as someone who has worked with Alma Mercy Sisters and has a positive impression of them overall.) 

First of all, I think many if not most women who have recently left religious life are in some degree of real emotional pain. So even while VS isn't necessarily the right place to do heavy-duty processing of this pain, I doubt that "negative" posters here are generally doing so out of a nefarious desire to make communities look bad. 

But also, I think it's good to normalize the idea that not everyone has a good experience in religious life. Discerners need to be aware that there are very few guarantees in discernment; and that just because you make the sacrifice of entering a community, it doesn't mean it will be perfectly smooth sailing after that.

Plus, even when women leave or are asked to leave because a community just wasn't a good fit, it adds an extra layer of difficulty to an already difficult situation for her when the general perception within the Catholic community is something like: "If you couldn't make it in religious life, it must have been because of something you did wrong."

And of course it should go without saying in a post-McCarrick world that we as a Church need to be open to the facts that: 1. abuse can occur in religious communities; and 2. talking about experiences of abuse is not a sin or a "problem." 

[Antigonos]

All three of the above posters have made good points, IMO.  Just as in a marriage, there are at least two viewpoints [sometimes even more, as outsiders can be more objective at times].  There are the needs and possible problems of an entrant to a community, including unrealistic expectations and emotional immaturity.  The community itself can be structured in such a way as to be problematic for all but a very few who hold tightly to the community's way of doing things, which may not be ideal.  The "fit" just isn't right for either the entrant or the community.  It's a fact of life, and not a "failure" of either the entrant or the community.  Although Catholic couples may not divorce, many have separated when, even after years of being engaged and married, they realize it was a mistake for them to have actually become married.  And people do change.

It doesn't have to be cloistered life.  Ultra-Orthodox Jews have much the same problems: any rigidly controlled society is going to have its "misfits" and some who simply exacerbate whatever problems they encounter or bring with them.  Here, of course, vows aren't part of the picture.  The ultra-Orthodox person simply leaves his or her community for another which is more satisfying.  But there's always a lot of pain, and grief, and upset involved.

It's not good to obsess over negative aspects of community life; but it is necessary to recognize that they exist.

[mantellata]

On 11/24/2020 at 3:35 PM, Sponsa-Christi said:

First of all, I think many if not most women who have recently left religious life are in some degree of real emotional pain. So even while VS isn't necessarily the right place to do heavy-duty processing of this pain, I doubt that "negative" posters here are generally doing so out of a nefarious desire to make communities look bad. 

And of course it should go without saying in a post-McCarrick world that we as a Church need to be open to the facts that: 1. abuse can occur in religious communities; and 2. talking about experiences of abuse is not a sin or a "problem." 

I can't agree more with what Sponsa Christi has said here. I've discerned with several religious communities.

 I don't think negative experiences should be dismissed out of hand. This is how abuse perpetuates. A community can be both good, have wonderful dedicated Sisters AND simultaneously have Sisters who sin, who abuse their authority and who have others covering up for them. Nothing in this world is that black and white (except a Dominican Habit) a dicerner needs to go in to a community with eyes wide open.

[HollyDolly]

Don't know these sisters, but as you said, it's a mix of personalities. You can  look at some religious womens communities from the past, where this was an issue. Right now can't think of the communities names, but several  treated their foundress terribly after someone new, whether bishop or other sister in charge came it. Look up the foundress of Our Lady's Nurses of the Poor in Australia. She and this priest founded the community, and well both were punished  because of vicious rumors of  they were more than  just friends and co-founders. Now if I recall from their website, both founders are having their causes  placed before Rome.

I do think however, that  if a discerner doesn't fit in , there is a way to  put it gently to them, and do what you can to help them out. That leaves a better impression of the community the person left, than all this stuff.

[katherineH]

I've thought a lot about this thread over the years as I discerned with this community and spent a lot of time with them. I noticed that they have a new Mother Superior (Mother Mary Christa), who is, to my understanding, the first Mother Superior to not be one of the original foundresses of the community. I hope this indicates a shift in the overall "management' of the community and a desire to heal past wounds. 

[NP4BBZ]

I actually entered with Sr. Mary Christ.  Let's hope she does better.