Too Young?

[Lilllabettt]

With visiting places, it is a bit like house hunting or college visits I think... do too many and they run together and indecision sets in. Too many options, too many choices.

However. There is a balance to be struck. 

I visited the convent where I entered once; it was the first place I'd visited; by the 2nd day the vocation directress was asking if I wanted an application.  I was 19 and gone thru RCIA the year prior. Too much.

It's also true that some traditional communities have the attitude, mentioned above, of encouraging everyone.  The risk to them, after all, is lower. If in the end, it's not a fit, they have you leave. In many traditional communities, departing sisters vanish overnight and life for the community goes on pretty much the same. For the former sister, not so. It behooves the prospective sister then, to do her due diligence. 

Speaking of due diligence. It was once the case that girls entered whatever religious community happened to be local to them, or married one of a handful of eligible boys that happened to be known to their family. Whether it was the best fit or even a great fit was not really a consideration. One made the best of whatever happened to be available... the imperative being, bloom where God plants you. Personally I think this resulted in a lot of unhappiness in marriages and religious life. Now happiness is not the main thing... unhappy situations are a path to holiness for many people. But I think today much unnecessary suffering can be avoided if a girl does not attach herself too quickly to the first boy/community that rolls off the turnip truck. So to speak.

 

[Sponsa-Christi]

10 hours ago, JHFamily said:

I just think visiting a variety of communities is often more confusing than enlightening. I don't know how many young women I've met that are waiting to visit the "perfect community for me" and never end up entering anywhere!

I would still stick by my advice to visit several different communities in person--and perhaps even to meet a consecrated virgin or member of a secular institute or society of apostolic life in addition to this. 

This isn't necessarily in order to find the one, needle-in-a-haystack, 100% perfect community (which of course we all know doesn't exist!) Rather, especially for someone who already is drawn to once community in particular, this can even be more like a crash course in "consecrated life appreciation." Having more of a context for what the big picture of consecrated life looks like in the wider Church can: 1. confirm in a young woman's mind that her first choice community is indeed right for her, by helping her understand the special attributes of her community's charism more fully; or 2. point her in the direction of a community which may actually be a better fit. 

And this isn't to suggest that a young woman should go broke travelling all over the country to visit as many communities as possible. I was thinking more along the lines of something like visiting three to five communities, possibly all within driving distance. 

It is good to narrow down one's search by doing internet research, but there really is nothing like meeting a community in real life. And even if entering a community as a postulant isn't a permanent choice by any means, it still is a life-altering one. So why not do the extra legwork to be extra-sure that a particular community really is the right one? 

[futuresister]

Welcome to Phatmass! I am a senior in high school. I would not say you are too young. Many orders have a minimum age of 18. I plan on going to college and I think college will be helpful. Some communities, like the Sisters of Life, require a college degree.

[JHFamily]

13 hours ago, Lilllabettt said:

It's also true that some traditional communities have the attitude, mentioned above, of encouraging everyone. 

 

This is true of some communities that are called "traditional" because they wear a habit, live in common, have a common apostolate, etc. I know because I experienced it.

In my experience, this is not typically true of Extraordinary Form communities, though I wouldn't go so far as to say it won't happen. On the contrary, they can be downright hard to get into. I know several young women that have been turned away because the community did not feel they had a vocation with them.  My daughter was unsure if she would get accepted until it actually happened; we knew two women that were turned down by her community.

I also know that the Novice Mistress/Vocations Director of another EF community has helped several young ladies discern their vocations with a different order/community (she helped my daughter do precisely this!) and even to marriage! She has a gift for helping in discernment that is really unusual and really beautiful.

[gloriana35]

Quote

On 10/11/2020 at 9:35 PM, underatree said:

Many of us who pursue religious vocations are the types of people who volunteer for everything and always want to help out — when someone shows us a need, we see a job to do. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it’s good to be aware of the tendency. I have to remember that I can’t meet all the needs of the world — I have to make choices about my actions and my life’s work. Just because someone has a need doesn’t mean it’s my job to fulfil it. If there is a hungry person on the street I could feed them, but that doesn’t mean building a network of soup kitchens is my vocation. Also, just  because a particular congregation lives in my parish or runs my school or campus ministry doesn’t mean I’m called there — vocation is not the same thing as proximity. 

I could not agree more! To this day (and I am of quite mature years), my admitting to this truth could lead people to think I 'don't care.' Far from it! It can wear someone to a frazzle (and make them vulnerable to some less than principled sorts) to think we could solve the problems of the world, were we only to be dedicated enough! 

 

[chrysostom]

On 10/13/2020 at 6:12 PM, Anastasia said:

I can see I gave my advice about visiting various monasteries out of the Eastern Orthodox practice: in our Church a person who comes to the monastery with a thought of eventually - maybe becoming a nun shares some menial work with the nuns. She is usually placed into special "guests quarters" (very austere dormitory) an is immediately immersed in to the monastery life (that can be very difficult).

The discernment in West appears to be much more formal.

As with everything this depends on where you look, as monastics in the West will often do much the same thing with inquirers - no particular formal programme needed.

Edited October 23, 2020 by chrysostom

[chrysostom]

Take my advice with a grain of salt but I think one of the important points is the need for maturity to a certain extent. One needs to be able to deal with acceptance or rejection with a little bit of detachment, to have the wherewithal to accept or reject concerning situations yourself, and most of all to hearken to the love of God above all. As long as your time is spent well, time (spent in the fear of the Lord) will lend you the gift of perceiving more easily the truth of things - i.e. wisdom.

I think that is in part behind much of the cautionary advice in this thread.

If you are sufficiently mature to proceed that is good and I would not say you are too young. If you are not, a little time, well spent, would help maintain your peace of mind.

There is no way for any of us to tell here.

Actual contact with the communities will help. Prayers for you!

Edited October 23, 2020 by chrysostom

[M. Therese]

On 10/9/2020 at 11:02 PM, StrivingforSainthood said:

Hi!

I am new here on phatmass, so I am not sure If I am doing this correctly, but I would really like some advice.... I am a cradle Catholic, and after getting closer to my faith in the past few years, I started the discernment of religious life. While I am still not 100% positive, I think that this is what God is calling me to do. I am currently a junior in highschool, and after I graduate I would love to enter postulancy or candidacy with an order. After doing some research, my  favorite order is the Sister Adorers of the Royal Heart of Jesus with the ICKSP.  I also am interested in the Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles. I have several questions that I would love If anyone would help me with:

1. Since my birthday is in September, after senior year when I will hopefully be applying to be a postulant  I will be 19. Will the religious order be concerned that I will be so young? Will my age be considered a negative factor in deciding whether I would be fit for postulancy? Are most of the Sister Adorers or Benedictines college graduates? 

2. When should I begin inquring about candidacy and writing to the orders to show my interest, If I would like to begin postulancy within six months- a year of my highschool graduation?

3. When I do begin to inquire with orders, will they be concerned that I do not have a Spirituality director? (I am shy and seeking a Spiritual director seems like a daunting task.)

4.  (This is related to question one.)  Am I too young? Should I attend college first? (I know that I am young, but I am so eager to join an order, and I feel that college is not necessary if I want to become a nun.)

I apologize that this is so long, and I appreciate any response. 
AMDG.

If you want specific answers to your questions especially from the two religious communities you mentioned, then contact them directly and find out what their process for entering is.
Having a spiritual director is critical to discernment and is a requirement.