23andme and my family's refusal to be black

[cutenickname]

I am an Afrolatino. Cuban and Dominican specifically, with more distant Haitian, Puerto Rican, Filipino, and Mexican roots.

Almost all Cubans, Dominicans, and Puerto Ricans (regardless of how light or dark they are ) are genetically a heavy mix of Native American, African, and European ancestry.

I took the DNA test at 23 and me SPECIFICALLY, because I wanted to know how much African ancestry I have (60%). My father kind of looks like Drake and my mother is very dark, but with "European features" (people tend to assume she is Indian, like from India Indian). Anywhere other than NYC or South Florida I look biracial, or like a "light skinned" black person. In New York or Florida everyone knows/assumes I am Dominican.

My welita (grandmother) on my dad's side is the Cuban born "illegitimate" child of an immigrant from Spain (a Catholic priest actually, don't ask, or maybe do) and a Cuban woman of very mixed heritage. My grandfather on my dad's side was a dark skinned black Cuban man, BUT he had distant Filipino and Mexican ancestry.

I called my mother and gave her my results. Her response was "You didn't get it from my side." It is literally impossible to be 60% anything without having it on both sides.

My welita had a similar response, but commented that "Well, at least [my husband] is white."

Like neither my mom or my dad's mom were willing to acknowledge their African ancestry. My father on the other hand just said "Don't you have a mirror? And like pictures of us all."

I do not know what response I expect from you dear reader, but I laughed. And no I can't share this on social media instead of here. Woke police would do bodily harm to me for laughing.

[dUSt]

If your DNA came back 60% African descent it is possible that the percentage is off. Could be 50%. It's not exact. Of course, this would mean your dad would have to be 100% African. Why not have your parents get tested?

Be careful. Me, my mom, dad and brother all did Ancestry DNA, just so we could accurately see where all the percentages came from. Found out my brother is only my 1/2 brother and not related to our dad at all.

We're both in our 40's already.

That was interesting. lol

[Anomaly]

cute nickname,

Where did you grow up?  Growing up here in Tampa, Hispanics were always referencing how much European Spanish heritage they had, whether they came from Columbia, Cuba, Mexico, etc.   it was also a big deal if you were Central or South American vs from an island.  I see it in my extended families we’ve married into.   It’s mostly my generation and older.  Kids under thirty in my family don’t have that attitude, but then again at this point we’re so multicultural, it’s meaningless. 

I’m a little creeped out on the DNA thing.  I know a few people who found, or were found by other families.   It gets complicated.  

dUSt - How did your family handle it?   Did your parents suspect a possibility or was it a shocker?   What about your brother and his additional DNA family?   Any contact?

[Peace]

Yeah Afrolatinos are pretty interesting to me. I don't really understand ya'll but many of you are attractive so you get a free pass! Like, you have the DR and those guys seems to really emphasize their European ancestry, while on the same island you have Haiti and those guys seem to emphasize their African Ancestry more. Why the big difference?

I am in the "high yellow" club myself but identify as black.  It's pretty amusing to me to see folks who are many shades darker than myself swear on their mother's grave that they are not black, but I guess I can understand not wanting to be identified as a black American, because its true that the cultures are pretty distinct. But trying to downplay your African ancestry - I don't really get that part honesty.

9 hours ago, dUSt said:

If your DNA came back 60% African descent it is possible that the percentage is off. Could be 50%. It's not exact. Of course, this would mean your dad would have to be 100% African. Why not have your parents get tested?

Be careful. Me, my mom, dad and brother all did Ancestry DNA, just so we could accurately see where all the percentages came from. Found out my brother is only my 1/2 brother and not related to our dad at all.

We're both in our 40's already.

That was interesting. lol

I think I read somewhere that like 10% of children are estimated not to be the biological child of the husband unknowingly.

Edited September 22, 2020 by Peace

[dUSt]

1 hour ago, Anomaly said:

dUSt - How did your family handle it?   Did your parents suspect a possibility or was it a shocker?   What about your brother and his additional DNA family?   Any contact?

When my brother told my dad he was like, "Yeah, I already knew that". haha

My mom was genuinely surprised.

My brother's DNA family actually reached out to him. His bio grandma flew down to spend time with his family. His bio dad has cancer--he still hasn't met him because of Covid.

Not a lot of drama. It's crazy to think that for 40 years the dude I thought was my 100% brother was only my 1/2 brother, but honestly, it hasn't really changed a thing. Just gives us one more thing to roast each other about.

[Anomaly]

21 minutes ago, dUSt said:

When my brother told my dad he was like, "Yeah, I already knew that". haha

My mom was genuinely surprised.

My brother's DNA family actually reached out to him. His bio grandma flew down to spend time with his family. His bio dad has cancer--he still hasn't met him because of Covid.

Not a lot of drama. It's crazy to think that for 40 years the dude I thought was my 100% brother was only my 1/2 brother, but honestly, it hasn't really changed a thing. Just gives us one more thing to roast each other about.

I have many adopted and illegitimate people in my family.  We’ve learned family is who you grow up with and have a relationship with.   We have “framily” that are long time friends or kids we grew up with whose parents were friends for decades.   

Finding dna families in later years is sometimes real messy. There are so many different opinions on past choices that evolve once the “secret” is out.  It’s the extended family that gave someone up or didn’t raise the person that sometimes stirs up the drama and recriminations afterwards. As long as your brother is happy with his family and can tolerate his brother, it’s all good. 

40 minutes ago, Peace said:

Yeah Afrolatinos are pretty interesting to me. I don't really understand ya'll but many of you are attractive so you get a free pass! Like, you have the DR and those guys seems to really emphasize their European ancestry, while on the same island you have Haiti and those guys seem to emphasize their African Ancestry more. Why the big difference?

I am in the "high yellow" club myself but identify as black.  It's pretty amusing to me to see folks who are many shades darker than myself swear on their mother's grave that they are not black, but I guess I can understand not wanting to be identified as a black American, because its true that the cultures are pretty distinct. But trying to downplay your African ancestry - I don't really get that part honesty.

I think it’s a matter of pride to be more European Spanish because that was the ruling class for centuries.   It’s more pride in class/cultural identity determined by heritage than merely racial bias.  Get involved in a discussion with a Guatemalan, Columbian, Mexican, and a Cuban about culture and food and they’ll illuminate you. LOL. 

 

[cutenickname]

12 hours ago, dUSt said:

Why not have your parents get tested?

 

I do not think I could deal with the amount of therapy/lovingkindness/prayer I'd have to supply my mother when she discovers that she is like 90% African. Dominican culture kind of specializes in developing non-black identities.

As for the other stuff, about your brother I feel you. My parents have 6 children together, my father, who is now a sweet and gentle man who is in his late fifties and goes to Mass like 6 days a week was as recently as 15 years ago an open adulterer who was personally attempting to raise the latino birth rate in the US as high as possible. At last count he has 8 other kids from women other than my mom ranging in age from 44 (my dad is 58) to 15. 

2 hours ago, Peace said:

Yeah Afrolatinos are pretty interesting to me. I don't really understand ya'll but many of you are attractive so you get a free pass! Like, you have the DR and those guys seems to really emphasize their European ancestry, while on the same island you have Haiti and those guys seem to emphasize their African Ancestry more. Why the big difference?

I am in the "high yellow" club myself but identify as black.  It's pretty amusing to me to see folks who are many shades darker than myself swear on their mother's grave that they are not black, but I guess I can understand not wanting to be identified as a black American, because its true that the cultures are pretty distinct. But trying to downplay your African ancestry - I don't really get that part honesty.

I think I read somewhere that like 10% of children are estimated not to be the biological child of the husband unknowingly.

If you are high yellow (Mariah Carey, Cameron Boyce, Logic) I am definitely darker than you. I am light skinned, but quickly identifiable as being of some degree of African descent. I do not identify as black, because people tend to misunderstand what that means. I grew up eating sancocho, mangu, tostones, and bizcocho dominicano and speaking ghetto Caribbean Spanish where pescado (fish) and pecado (sin) both sound like pecao. I am a Latino, but I am very aware that some, most apparently, of my ancestors were kidnapped from West Africa and forced to provide free labor for other people.

4 hours ago, Anomaly said:

cute nickname,

Where did you grow up?  Growing up here in Tampa, Hispanics were always referencing how much European Spanish heritage they had, whether they came from Columbia, Cuba, Mexico, etc.   it was also a big deal if you were Central or South American vs from an island.  I see it in my extended families we’ve married into.   It’s mostly my generation and older.  Kids under thirty in my family don’t have that attitude, but then again at this point we’re so multicultural, it’s meaningless. 

 

I grew up in the South Bronx, BUT all four of my grandparents had siblings in the Miami/Hialeah area, so I am drowning in Cuban/Dominican cousins down there and spent/spend lots of time visiting.

[Peace]

2 hours ago, cutenickname said:

I do not think I could deal with the amount of therapy/lovingkindness/prayer I'd have to supply my mother when she discovers that she is like 90% African. Dominican culture kind of specializes in developing non-black identities.

As for the other stuff, about your brother I feel you. My parents have 6 children together, my father, who is now a sweet and gentle man who is in his late fifties and goes to Mass like 6 days a week was as recently as 15 years ago an open adulterer who was personally attempting to raise the latino birth rate in the US as high as possible. At last count he has 8 other kids from women other than my mom ranging in age from 44 (my dad is 58) to 15. 

If you are high yellow (Mariah Carey, Cameron Boyce, Logic) I am definitely darker than you. I am light skinned, but quickly identifiable as being of some degree of African descent. I do not identify as black, because people tend to misunderstand what that means. I grew up eating sancocho, mangu, tostones, and bizcocho dominicano and speaking ghetto Caribbean Spanish where pescado (fish) and pecado (sin) both sound like pecao. I am a Latino, but I am very aware that some, most apparently, of my ancestors were kidnapped from West Africa and forced to provide free labor for other people.

I grew up in the South Bronx, BUT all four of my grandparents had siblings in the Miami/Hialeah area, so I am drowning in Cuban/Dominican cousins down there and spent/spend lots of time visiting.

S. Bronx in the house. I lived around 140th for a year, and then on Woodycrest/162 for about 4 years, back in the mid 2000's before the new stadium was built. Yeah, I would say I am about the shade of Mariah in the dead of winter. During the summer I can tan down quite a bit though, depending on how much I am out in the sun. It was kind of embarassing to live in the Bronx because I would often get mistaken for Latino and spoken to in Spanish, and then I would feel like a sellout because I don't speak it well, even though I am black not Latino.

[cutenickname]

12 minutes ago, Peace said:

S. Bronx in the house. I lived around 140th for a year, and then on Woodycrest/162 for about 4 years, back in the mid 2000's before the new stadium was built. Yeah, I would say I am about the shade of Mariah in the dead of winter. During the summer I can tan down quite a bit though, depending on how much I am out in the sun. It was kind of embarassing to live in the Bronx because I would often get mistaken for Latino and spoken to in Spanish, and then I would feel like a sellout because I don't speak it well, even though I am black not Latino.

Join the club. I stay having to slow my speech down and avoid words that are benign to me like "coger" which in Dominican Spanish just means to pick suntin' up, but according to my partner's Salvadoran/Mexican family is a vulgarism for the physical act of marriage. Or Pendejo which to Dominicans is like coward, but means a jerk in Mexican Spanish. Or the way most "s" sounds and "ado" endings disappear in Caribbean Spanish generally, which can make our words hard to follow for others. Idk why am ranting about Spanish.

[Peace]

48 minutes ago, cutenickname said:

Join the club. I stay having to slow my speech down and avoid words that are benign to me like "coger" which in Dominican Spanish just means to pick suntin' up, but according to my partner's Salvadoran/Mexican family is a vulgarism for the physical act of marriage. Or Pendejo which to Dominicans is like coward, but means a jerk in Mexican Spanish. Or the way most "s" sounds and "ado" endings disappear in Caribbean Spanish generally, which can make our words hard to follow for others. Idk why am ranting about Spanish.

Yeah the various differences are pretty cool to me. I feel like with the Caribbean accents a lot of the sounds are pronounced super soft or barely at all, so the language kind of has this relaxed / chill kind of  feel when I hear it. Probably I like Mexican Spanish the best myself, because it's easier to get movies made in Mexico, to practice with. Cheers.

[CatherineM]

When I did mine, it was specifically to try to meet family I’m sure I have in Puerto Rico. My Dad was stationed there before the war, and I’ve seen pictures of a Latino woman with a blond haired little girl who is the spitting image of me at that age. One of my half-brothers was raised as a cousin. My Dad and his brother’s wife did like in the Pearl Harbor movie when they were wrongly told my Uncle had died on Wake Island. My Uncle raised my brother as his own and forgave them both. 
 

What I found really interesting was sending the results to ancient DNA company. My main ancestors were Norwegian Vikings and Vandals. Explains a lot. 

[cutenickname]

3 hours ago, CatherineM said:

When I did mine, it was specifically to try to meet family I’m sure I have in Puerto Rico. My Dad was stationed there before the war, and I’ve seen pictures of a Latino woman with a blond haired little girl who is the spitting image of me at that age. One of my half-brothers was raised as a cousin. My Dad and his brother’s wife did like in the Pearl Harbor movie when they were wrongly told my Uncle had died on Wake Island. My Uncle raised my brother as his own and forgave them both. 
 

What I found really interesting was sending the results to ancient DNA company. My main ancestors were Norwegian Vikings and Vandals. Explains a lot. 

Deep genetics like that is a weird subject. I am not sure how trustworthy a DNA test that claims to be able to distinguish between vikings (a diverse social not ethnic group) and any other North Western Europeans from the same periods (Like Normans, the Dutch, Franks, etc) and Vandals are super interesting too they are a huge genetic link between Northern Europe, North Africa, Southern Spain, and the Americas (not to mention whatever genetic effects the flight of the Vandal elite into Christian Turkey and Greece at the time of the Islamic conquests might be having). When populations are buried that far back I can guarantee two things 1) You are descended from them 2) Most tests that try to show you that are suspect, because if Population X is part of the base ancestry of several modern societies you end up with something that looks like genetic noise.

Still I wanna do it. Got a link?

[Lil Red]

I'm paranoid, even though I'm curious. Not gonna give my DNA out to companies. 

[KnightofChrist]

18 minutes ago, Lil Red said:

I'm paranoid, even though I'm curious. Not gonna give my DNA out to companies. 

It's how they will make cylons, again.

[CatherineM]

The invites from the ancient DNA sites come once you upload your DNA to the GED match thing. I did that just in case I’m related to a serial killer and the cops can catch them through me.