Do communities ever "test" their Novices?

[nikita92]

This is a gee whiz question of a different kind. 

I was thinking back of the time I went on a "come and see" of which I have thought about this one particular incident over and over that happened to me, that turned out to be a very negative experience.. I still am left with wonder, if it was intentional or just a oversight on the novice mistress part. 

While discerning the religious life is a very serious undertaking, unlike living in a collage dorm (community setting where females tease one another etc..Which, begs the question...do novice directors, formators, novice mistress...ever "test" their novices...for example, maybe saying or doing something "rude" (for lack of a better word) to see what their threshold of tolerance is, before it becomes obvious that the novice experienced a negative reaction to it; (for the purpose of seeing how the young lady "handle's herself in a uncomfortable situation "!  Or, is this something that would never be considered? Thank you

[Nunsuch]

I can't imagine that any 21st-century formation person would do such a thing. I think this belongs in the past, along with the (greatly overstated) sagas of teaching nuns with rulers. Today's formation process is usually directed by someone with training, who is seeking to develop and shape the candidates' spiritual and personal maturity. It isn't a game.  Certainly  no sister I have spoken with about formation (and I used to work nationally with US vocation directors, and have researched and worked with literally dozens of congregations) has ever mentioned this happening in her own formation. Nor have any formation directors even joked about such a thing.

[nikita92]

Thank you kindly for your reply and info!

 

 

[Sister Leticia]

My own experience - of my own formation, plus seeing others going through the process - is that God's work within the novice can be testing and powerful enough, without needing extra "tests" from the formator.

As Nunsuch has said, formation is about enabling growth as well as discernment, and whilst we all want to grow and become holy, this is never easy. A formator might need to challenge a novice or urge them on if they're holding back, or restrain them if they're trying to be too zealous (eg if they want to give up too many things during Lent) - but they wouldn't create artificial tests or trials, rather like a televised game.

That said, I would add that the noviciate in particular can lead to times of heightened sensitivity and vulnerability. A comment from the NM or tiny setback on one day might not have the slightest effect; on another, it could leads to tears or lots of self-pity/self-recrimination. 

But for all that, it can be a truly graced time, with personal growth and maturity, as well as growth in prayer and self-giving.

[Nunsuch]

Sister Letitia makes an important point when she writes about the fact that formation is "testing and powerful enough." Most who undergo formation have never engaged in such deep contemplative effort, or come to know themselves (as well as God) so profoundly. 

[gloriana35]

I am glad to hear that this practise is obsolete. It certainly still existed during the 1960s-70s - and it accomplished nothing, save to press us into confusion and self-hatred. What Andrew Greeley writes of in "Virgin and Martyr", about Cathy's diary and formation, is far from fictional.  

[nikita92]

I would like to thank everyone for their posts. Let me explain alittle of what I perceived had taken place (without naming any particular community I had visited in the past)

It still has left a profound memory of when I think back about it. (which comes and goes even to this day)

Why?? Because I was left questioning myself on was it my imagination or were they possibly "testing" me in some way!

First of all, keep in mind that I was only in the pre candidate state at that time, on my first "Come and See" with them! 

I will try and briefly explain. Back story-I have worked in the Maritime security field for 9 years and community based security for over a year. In years passed, I have been trained in "observing body language", being "aware of ones surroundings" aspects of security just to name a few training classes. 

As religious sisters/nuns go, I will acknowledge that they have vast experience interviewing perspective religious candidates that suits their particular community.

It was during this informal meeting (in the living room of the convent) with the novice mistress and another candidate (who had been on her second live in visit) I quickly noticed (as the conversations were taking place) that when I was commenting, asking, answering etc.the NM would wouldn't give me eye to eye contact as I was doing so!!turn to the other woman and engage with her as I was talking.

It became so obvious (as I was closely watching her body language) that it was falling into the RUDE category! 

I became upset and quickly had to leave the room to go to my room to process what had taken place and calm down and collect and contain my emotions. 

Even though I trust in my training and ability to read situations and people, I had to consider that Sister may have not be aware of how she was presenting herself.

Later that early evening, Mother A came to my room to inquire about my absence from meal time. (I elected to forgo the rest of community time) 

As I tried explaining to her what I felt had taken place, adding my (trained) observations to back them up..she would have no part of it and totally disagreed with everything I had to say! I believe she even became upset with me! 

I felt so terrible, I couldn't wait for the next day to come so I could fly back home!

Mother A and another sister drove me to the airport. While we were cordial to each other, the atmosphere on the drive there was somewhat tense.

Later I found out, that the other candidate had went on to professed first vows with the community; of which I was really happy for them all!

Even after the years have gone by, I still can't help but think, was my perception off, or maybe it had been some kind of "test" by the NM! ( hence my question on here)

If the answer (by the comments that were submitted) is "Not likely" then all I can say was, I was not meant for them! 

 It gave me some valuable insight on myself. 

I am still in the security field "observing and reporting" ! ( it pays the bills) LOL

 

 

[Dymphna]

Well, I'm totally unfamiliar with religious life back then, but this doesn't sound like a "test" to me. I also notice when people are not making eye contact with me (and instead with others), last time I told someone (at an appropriate time) they hadn't noticed at all. I'd guess it means that the novice mistress was more interested in / in tune with the other candidate than you. That can happen.

The really interesting parts of your experience are what followed: First, that you were very upset by this sisters rude behaviour, I guess this is understandable since you were probably young and in a tense situation. And second, the reaction of the community leader, which in your description sounds like she didn't exactly behave in a mature way. Sounds like her instincts were to defend her sister, instead of showing a bit of empathy - which she could have done even if she believed that what you were describing was just a product of your imagination.

So, you're probably right, you weren't meant for them :-)

[nikita92]

On 1/9/2020 at 12:08 PM, Dymphna said:

Well, I'm totally unfamiliar with religious life back then, but this doesn't sound like a "test" to me. I also notice when people are not making eye contact with me (and instead with others), last time I told someone (at an appropriate time) they hadn't noticed at all. I'd guess it means that the novice mistress was more interested in / in tune with the other candidate than you. That can happen.

The really interesting parts of your experience are what followed: First, that you were very upset by this sisters rude behaviour, I guess this is understandable since you were probably young and in a tense situation. And second, the reaction of the community leader, which in your description sounds like she didn't exactly behave in a mature way. Sounds like her instincts were to defend her sister, instead of showing a bit of empathy - which she could have done even if she believed that what you were describing was just a product of your imagination.

So, you're probably right, you weren't meant for them :-)

Yes yes yes to every thing you just said!! Thank you for that! I really appreciate that you actually touched on what I have been thinking & feeling all this time. 

[Amy Subbiah]

Well..in those days i guess it was difficult to swallow because thete is no real dialogue to build a healthy relationship.

Its only yes or no.

You either take it or leave it.  All they will say is offer it up to the Lord.