New K of C third degree exemplification - still appalling

[Kevin lyon]

In 2013 I went through the "new" Knights of Columbus 3rd degree exemplification. While I guess it is not quite as bad as what I have read regarding the old ceremony... I was still appalled. Below is a recent email I sent to my pastor on the subject... mistakes in grammar and all. I am sharing this so people can see the effect it had on me and the fears I have for other converts. As I state below, this was so egregious and outside of what I learned about the teachings of the church in my RCIA classes (I am a convert), I feel it is not in any way a sin to break my oath they had me take in ignorance to keep quiet about this event. In fact, I have kept quiet for far to long.

Hi Father Matthew,

(I have been meaning to send this email for years.... apologies for the delay)

I converted to Catholicism in 2013. I am writing you today to discuss two very different experiences I had as I entered the church in hopes that you can help me reconcile them. The first was my RCIA class. I was truly fortunate to be in Paul Thigpen’s last RCIA class at St Brendan’s (before he went on to translate works of saints into modern day languages…. What a guy!) . This entire experience was quite simply the most beautiful spiritual exploration of my life. I learned so much that I will carry with me to my last days on this earth and beyond. I will never be more grateful for my good fortune. It is difficult to summarize all that I learned, but the underlying theme of the entire course was the depth of God's love and the connection we as god’s people all share.

Shortly after my confirmation I joined the Knights of Columbus. I joined because my father in law was very active and so was aware of all the good works that they do. Before I go on and explain what turned out to be a very negative experience, let me say that I truly respect much of the work the knights do. Their work for the unborn, in particular, is something I very much admire, and would like to support.

However, I was quite taken aback by what was in my view the rather Machiavellian nature of the third-degree exemplification. Now, as I assume you are aware, they swear you to secrecy about these ceremonies before you go through them. After prayer and contemplation, I have decided that it is not a sin to go against this particular oath (sworn in ignorance), and it may even be a sin to keep quiet….. In this ceremony there is an attempt to publicly shame any who can not name all of the 10 commandments… on the spot, in a public setting. I was one of the last people in my fairly large group that the leader of this ceremony approached, so I saw how uncomfortable he made everyone as he went around the room and asked for the next commandment… laying his stern judgement on those who under the pressure of his attention could not recall one of the remaining on the list. This was just a few short months after the beautiful loving nature of the church was outlined to me in RCIA where it was stressed that judgement was reserved for the lord and the lord alone. As this ….lets say gentleman… approached I was quite angry that an organization that is recognized by the church would treat its members in this fashion, regardless of the intent behind the ceremony. I found myself gritting my teeth as he approached and very shortly said… “yeah, I don’t remember either”, quite simply to end the offensive farce as quickly as possible.

Obviously, I know that the ten commandments are part of the bedrock of our church and certainly support any organization that wants its members to know them and live them. If the knights had made us pass a test or complete an in-depth course on this subject I would have applauded. I don’t, however, see how public shaming and human judgement as a teaching mechanism is useful or in line with the teachings of the beautiful church I learned about in RCIA.

There were other moments in my brief tenure with the knights that caused me concern. The mandatory sales presentation from the knight’s sales rep, who I had been warned by a former grand knight had garnered several complaints, was much too much of a stereotypical pushy sales call than demonstration of concern for the welfare of brother knights. In either the 1st or 2nd degree exemplification (I don’t recall which) a plastic skull was used as one of the props, which apparently had replaced an actual skull in earlier iterations of this ceremony. Also, in one of the only meetings I attended a very reasonable suggestion by the gentleman who at the time was the groups lead cook to allow voluntary donations for the weekly dinners, so all of the fundraising was not used to feed ourselves (which made me uncomfortable as well), was shot down somewhat coarsely by the leadership.

All of the above I tried to brush off as simple human failings, but the Machiavellian, judgmental nature of the knight's  foundational third-degree exemplification, in such sharp contrast to what I had learned in RCIA, was too much for me to bear. I have since asked to no longer be a member of this organization. The whole experience has left a truly bad taste in my mouth. Unfortunately, this experience tempered what was my overwhelming excitement I had as a new member of the church as a result of RCIA.  I have since gone on-line (in some catholic chat rooms) and realized that I am far from the only one who felt this way about the third-degree exemplification, but there does not seem to be any inclination by the knights to make any changes to it.

I am curious if you have any thoughts you would like to share on the matter or if you have any advice. I would love an opportunity for fellowship in an organization that is a little more in line with what I learned in RCIA, but haven’t found one. Thoughts? I am also concerned that the delicate faith of some other new converts could be shaken by similar experiences with the knights. I was fortunate that I had been attending mass for ten years prior to my conversion, so I had a foundation from which to draw. Other converts are truly lost and have gloriously found the church as a way to save their life. Yet they may not be strong enough yet in their faith for it not to be shaken.  I fear if someone in such a state had the same experience as I had with the knights, we may lose them.... and what a tragedy that would be.

Thanks in advance for your help (and for reading this lengthy email),

 

Kevin Lyon