Question about Changing Parishes

[AbigailGermaine]

I sent an email to the VD from the monastery I'm discerning with to ask a question, and wondered if any of you guys would have thoughts as well....

For background info: When we joined the RC church this past summer, we decided to go to a majority African American church in the city because the music wasn't atrocious and the people were actually friendly, remembered your name, etc. Now, behold the conundrum: (this will be long. You have been warned.)

My family and I have been wondering if it would be better if we changed parishes. Until yesterday, I hadn't been back to our usual parish,(because I was on a live in earlier this month) (and) because every 3 weeks Mom works 11am-11pm on Sunday (she's a nurse) and we have to go to a earlier Mass. Being back at _______ was kind of like jumping straight into a really cold bath. I didn't want to say how disconcerting it was to be there to my parents, but Dad brought it up of his own accord later that evening.

 We all agreed that yesterday was an example of how performance oriented the church is becoming, especially as far as the music. I don't think it helps that since we arrived in July, they hired a new music director who is, I think, some flavor of Pentecostal or charismatic Baptist. He has very little knowledge of how the liturgy is supposed to work, and I think keeps trying to create an atmosphere like he is used to. Yesterday, there were 3 choir anthems, a liturgical dance, and only 2 songs for the congregation, the processional and recessional. When we first started attending, they sang a lot of the old "tent revival" style hymns-- Fanny Crosby, Charles Wesley, etc.; and a lot of old Black Spirituals. Now, I think courtesy of our new music director, most of the songs are what are more properly called Black Gospel/Gospel R+B.

I don't think it helps that our priest, who is naturally a phlegmatic, is exhausted because of his mother's health problems. (His mother lives with him.) He usually has problems keeping things under control, and I think he's often hesitant to curb more cultural impulses since he's not black himself. Deacon would be the one to take the music director strongly in hand, but either he enjoys it or is unwilling to try to find another director, I'm not sure which.

 Because the music is changing, the would liturgy has turned into an occasion to clap for everything and turn it into a show. Yesterday was kind of ridiculous, but it's just and exaggeration of the slow slide. Choir sings prelude, everyone claps. Choir leads congregation in processional, everyone claps. Father preaches, everyone claps two or three times. Choir sings gradual, everyone claps. Choir sings communion song, everyone claps. Choir sings communion meditation with dancers, everyone claps. Choir leads congregation in recessional, everyone claps.

We all agreed that it's getting to the point where the atmosphere is more like a Black Baptist church where the focus is on the music, the preacher and the emotional feelings are the most important. Nobody has obviously touched the liturgy it's self yet, but it's getting slowly eclipsed.

To be totally honest, I've been various shades of uneasy for a while, because through the diocesan Young Adult First Friday Masses and my time at the Monastery, I've seen what a good, solid, 'boring' Mass is supposed to be like. Also, every time I've brought up my vocational journey, I've gotten the distinct impression, from what Father does, and sometimes says, that he's uncomfortable with the traditional nature of the orders I was looking into. After I came to Sister ____  ____'s profession, I showed around some of the pamphlets, etc., that I'd picked up, and that's when he suddenly became more vocal, urging me to look into more active orders, because "I heard nuns can't laugh without permission from the Bishop," and "I don't want your personality stifled." I directed him towards the blog, and he hasn't said a thing since. I think all of you are so much the opposite of stifled that its rather funny. (Although I don't laugh without proper permission.)

We've been talking about it occasionally for a couple of months as a family, but I think yesterday made all three of us agree that we've outgrown the parish.

Probably, we'll just go to the little church whose parish boundaries we technically fall into-- we've been there a couple of times for Days of Obligation, and it's a nice little country parish with an Indian Vincentian priest. The only worry is that since it's a little country parish, it will probably be pretty hard to break into the community. I already have a few connections through the YA activities, but it'll be hardest on Mom. Also, if we go there, we might be able to make it to daily Mass at least part of the time.

Anyhow, wondered if you had any thoughts on the subject. We love how communal and friendly the church is, and probably won't get that anywhere else, but I need more meat, and just want a stable, traditional latin-rite Mass with no superimposed sparkles.

(And now you know how much I ramble when given any chance at all.......)

[truthfinder]

My thought are the following: this parish that you are currently attending is technically not your 'parish' because as you note your territorial parish is elsewhere.  You then technically have no obligation to it outside those that you have made to some of the members or any volunteer work there.  You are free to go to whatever church you choose.  The only concern from a vocational standpoint is at some point you would need a reference from at least one and maybe a couple more priests.  This might mean a spiritual director, but sometimes pastor.  As it stands, the pastor at your current church does not seem overly supportive of the communities which interest you.  (Many years ago a priest joked that no contemplative nuns were under the age of 70 (even though he knew that the particularl community discussed had several younger members) - it's often more a reflection of their own discomfort with contemplative (or sometimes traditional) communities.)

Honestly, I don't think you need to tell anyone - that would be stirring the pot.  If you go back at times, or people ask, you just plainly say, X church is just working better for you (or your schedule). 

Although having community at the church you attend is important, it is not the reason to attend or not attend it.  Sometimes you have to make your own communities.  Also, is there a reason why you still couldn't keep your connections at your current parish while fulfilling your Sunday and Holy Day obligations at the territorial parish?