You Had a Wedding Share Your Knowledges Thread

[Lilllabettt]

Some people from phatmass are getting married. We should give them wedding inspo by posting pictures. Whether you got married yeseterday or 50 yrs ago ... post those pics and your advices about wedding planning or marriage. What was your best wedding planning decision? Did anything go wrong the day of? If you've been married awhile and could go back to your wedding day to tell your newlywed self some wisdom, what would it be?

 

[Lilllabettt]

My husband makes rosaries; he made me this one; it was my something blue. We also had to get married on the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary, Because.

Husband getting ready, is handsome

Flower girl, her name is Mary Madeline

Country church

Lovely chanted Nuptial Mass with schola and CHANT. During the homily Father played a 3 minute youtube clip from his ipod. Something will go splat on your wedding day, just roll with it.

Skip unity candle, go pray to Our Lady

My sweetie had all his military buddies come and do an arch of swords. He did all the planning for this. It was a Major Accomplishment.

Everyone look at the front of my dress.

Reception was at a hotel.

Wedding planning advice: pick your 3 main things you want to spend money on and cut corners on all else. I wanted nice photography, music (esp. for Mass) and good food. I wore a Davids Bridal dress I bought used, online. We did not have a limo, my husband drove us. I did candles and greenery, no flowers except my bouquet. Flowers are SO expensive, people are allergic, they have to be done last minute and they wilt if you look at them wrong, and they DIE. I saved so much money and anxiety and hassle by buying wholesale candles and wholesale greenery and getting everything set up ahead of time.

Marriage advice: Only been married a year, so I don't have much to give. Take time every day to look at your spouse, really BEHOLD them, think on how lucky you are, and promise God again to take care of them.

Edited December 4, 2018 by Lilllabettt

[tinytherese]

I'm not engaged. I'm not even dating anyone, but I have questions. Get ready for me going on my soapbox again. 

How do you handle your friends and relatives who try to pressure you into having the wedding and reception be the way that they want it to be instead of the way that you're comfortable with? How do you assert yourself without turning into or coming off as a bridezilla or groomzilla? How do you deal with loved ones who refuse to behave themselves on the day of the wedding and then act as if you're the one who's being unreasonable? Do I have to give certain people a list of rules specifically taylored to them that they have to follow or they're not invited? 

I've heard horror stories where parents are passive aggressive and bully their son or daughter into having the wedding be the way that they want it to be or else they won't pay for it. I know that some things aren't necessary or that there are cheap if not free short cuts, but it can still be stressful to deal with loved ones or so called loved ones who act like this, especially if the couple is experiencing money problems. Is it any wonder then that some people are engaged for a long time saying that they can't afford a wedding? 

I hope I end up with a guy that's okay with not having a big wedding and a casual reception afterwards. Instead of a reception hall with dancing and fancy dinners, I ideally just want immediate family members who can behave themselves and friends that we actually enjoy spending time with casually eating an informal dinner at my Grandma's or something. 

I find large groups of people exhausting. Too much socialization even with small groups of people is literally tiring for me too. 

I don't want it to be like my high school graduation party where my parents invited pretty much everybody they knew. Some of them were people I wasn't used to seeing, I didn't remember them very well, or I hadn't even met before then. I felt awkward thanking them for coming and accepting the money that they put in my graduation cards. I appreciated them giving me money, but yea...

The party was for my parents, not me. Instead of me enjoying myself at the party with my friends and family celebrating moving on to adulthood, I was left with the tiring job of entertaining guests so that they didn't feel left out or unwelcome. (I understand the reasoning behind this, because I don't want to be rude to guests, but come on.)

My mom means well, but has a history of being very critical of people and is a perfectionist about some things. I remember her stressing out over planning this party for months and her pushing me towards the edge with how over board she went with it. She was stressed which stressed me. She embarassed me in front of some friends and acquaintances when she yelled at me in exasperation for not doing something that she wanted me to do immeditely. She was just in one of those moods where nothing that you say or do will appease her. Just do what she says, don't make suggestions because that'll only upset her more, and try not to take what she says personally, (easier said than done.) She'll calm down eventually.

I call it her dragon mode because she reminds me of Benedict Cumberbatch's Smaug. I have this comical image in my head of me notifying the rest of my family like when the alarms go off because of a tornado or thunderstorm. "Mom's in dragon mode. Code Smaug. I repeat, Code Smaug. This is not a drill! I repeat, this is not a drill!"

Also, in regards to a honeymoon, I'm weird in that I don't like traveling for vacations. Why do we have to go anywhere for vacations? Can't we just relax in our home? I genuinely like staying within the walls of my home. Traveling is a lot of work and the fact that I'm not scheduled for work or a class is vacation enough for me. Apart from some parts of Paris, there's nowhere I want to go. I don't like the outdoors. I seriously hate camping, despise the beach, and find pools pretty meh at best these days. Besides, we know what really happens on honeymoons and a lot of the time it doesn't involve tourist attractions and lounging on the beach if you know what I mean. 

[tinytherese]

6 hours ago, Lilllabettt said:

My husband makes rosaries; he made me this one; it was my something blue. We also had to get married on the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary, Because.

Husband getting ready, is handsome

Flower girl, her name is Mary Madeline

Country church

Lovely chanted Nuptial Mass with schola and CHANT. During the homily Father played a 3 minute youtube clip from his ipod. Something will go splat on your wedding day, just roll with it.

Skip unity candle, go pray to Our Lady

My sweetie had all his military buddies come and do an arch of swords. He did all the planning for this. It was a Major Accomplishment.

Everyone look at the front of my dress.

Reception was at a hotel.

That all seriously looked beautiful.

[Lilllabettt]

5 hours ago, tinytherese said:

I'm not engaged. I'm not even dating anyone, but I have questions. Get ready for me going on my soapbox again. 

How do you handle your friends and relatives who try to pressure you into having the wedding and reception be the way that they want it to be instead of the way that you're comfortable with? How do you assert yourself without turning into or coming off as a bridezilla or groomzilla? How do you deal with loved ones who refuse to behave themselves on the day of the wedding and then act as if you're the one who's being unreasonable? Do I have to give certain people a list of rules specifically taylored to them that they have to follow or they're not invited? 

I've heard horror stories where parents are passive aggressive and bully their son or daughter into having the wedding be the way that they want it to be or else they won't pay for it. I know that some things aren't necessary or that there are cheap if not free short cuts, but it can still be stressful to deal with loved ones or so called loved ones who act like this, especially if the couple is experiencing money problems. Is it any wonder then that some people are engaged for a long time saying that they can't afford a wedding? 

I hope I end up with a guy that's okay with not having a big wedding and a casual reception afterwards. Instead of a reception hall with dancing and fancy dinners, I ideally just want immediate family members who can behave themselves and friends that we actually enjoy spending time with casually eating an informal dinner at my Grandma's or something. 

I find large groups of people exhausting. Too much socialization even with small groups of people is literally tiring for me too. 

I don't want it to be like my high school graduation party where my parents invited pretty much everybody they knew. Some of them were people I wasn't used to seeing, I didn't remember them very well, or I hadn't even met before then. I felt awkward thanking them for coming and accepting the money that they put in my graduation cards. I appreciated them giving me money, but yea...

The party was for my parents, not me. Instead of me enjoying myself at the party with my friends and family celebrating moving on to adulthood, I was left with the tiring job of entertaining guests so that they didn't feel left out or unwelcome. (I understand the reasoning behind this, because I don't want to be rude to guests, but come on.)

My mom means well, but has a history of being very critical of people and is a perfectionist about some things. I remember her stressing out over planning this party for months and her pushing me towards the edge with how over board she went with it. She was stressed which stressed me. She embarassed me in front of some friends and acquaintances when she yelled at me in exasperation for not doing something that she wanted me to do immeditely. She was just in one of those moods where nothing that you say or do will appease her. Just do what she says, don't make suggestions because that'll only upset her more, and try not to take what she says personally, (easier said than done.) She'll calm down eventually.

I call it her dragon mode because she reminds me of Benedict Cumberbatch's Smaug. I have this comical image in my head of me notifying the rest of my family like when the alarms go off because of a tornado or thunderstorm. "Mom's in dragon mode. Code Smaug. I repeat, Code Smaug. This is not a drill! I repeat, this is not a drill!"

Also, in regards to a honeymoon, I'm weird in that I don't like traveling for vacations. Why do we have to go anywhere for vacations? Can't we just relax in our home? I genuinely like staying within the walls of my home. Traveling is a lot of work and the fact that I'm not scheduled for work or a class is vacation enough for me. Apart from some parts of Paris, there's nowhere I want to go. I don't like the outdoors. I seriously hate camping, despise the beach, and find pools pretty meh at best these days. Besides, we know what really happens on honeymoons and a lot of the time it doesn't involve tourist attractions and lounging on the beach if you know what I mean. 

I hear you with parent issues. My mom has mental illnesses, alcoholism, and to top it off my parents filed for divorce a month before my wedding date. I told her ahead of time that, since my husband is a cop, and all his cop buddies were invited, she had better fly straight. My mom has been arrested many times and is afraid to go back to jail, so it worked. She got nasty at the very end of the night, but I just left her there lol. Sure, tell people the rules ahead of time. Hire security if you can afford it (we were required to have it to serve alcohol) but at least have a trusted "body man" who can escort people out if need be. 

Have the wedding you can pay for yourself. Wear your best dress and have a cake and punch reception, if that's what you can pay for.  Sure people say they "can't afford" to get married,  but that's an excuse. It might cost a few hundred dollars for the license, the priests stipend, and a cake from walmart.  What people mean is they can't afford the wedding of their dreams. But delaying the marriage of your dreams for that reason doesn't make sense. And cake and punch receptions can be gorgeous. 

My mom really wanted me to have engraved invitations.  I let her pay for that. My fiance's mom paid for a rehearsal dinner (another thing you dont really need to have.) I didnt ask for their opinions on my dress or anything else. The guest list was off limits and they couldn't buy access. $$$=control. 

At wedding, we did a receiving line. As they entered the dining room, we said hello to each guest. I'm really glad I did that because as a guest theres nothing worse than traveling across the country and then feeling like you have to "butt in" to let the bride/groom know you're  there. The conversations were kept extremely short and really just "hi" because everyone saw there was a line, and after that I felt I could relax and not worry about talking to anyone I didnt really want to.  

I didn't have a honeymoon (criminals dont take time off and neither could lover boy). Its very good, if you can possibly swing it, to take a few days off in privacy together - whether at home or not. That's the 1 thing I really regret. It sucked big time that he had to go back to work immediately. But it wasnt possible so what can you do!

[PhuturePriest]

On 12/3/2018 at 10:41 PM, Lilllabettt said:

My husband makes rosaries; he made me this one; it was my something blue. We also had to get married on the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary, Because.

Husband getting ready, is handsome

Flower girl, her name is Mary Madeline

Country church

Lovely chanted Nuptial Mass with schola and CHANT. During the homily Father played a 3 minute youtube clip from his ipod. Something will go splat on your wedding day, just roll with it.

Skip unity candle, go pray to Our Lady

My sweetie had all his military buddies come and do an arch of swords. He did all the planning for this. It was a Major Accomplishment.

Everyone look at the front of my dress.

Reception was at a hotel.

Wedding planning advice: pick your 3 main things you want to spend money on and cut corners on all else. I wanted nice photography, music (esp. for Mass) and good food. I wore a Davids Bridal dress I bought used, online. We did not have a limo, my husband drove us. I did candles and greenery, no flowers except my bouquet. Flowers are SO expensive, people are allergic, they have to be done last minute and they wilt if you look at them wrong, and they DIE. I saved so much money and anxiety and hassle by buying wholesale candles and wholesale greenery and getting everything set up ahead of time.

Marriage advice: Only been married a year, so I don't have much to give. Take time every day to look at your spouse, really BEHOLD them, think on how lucky you are, and promise God again to take care of them.

Your wedding was so beautiful!

[Lilllabettt]

9 hours ago, PhuturePriest said:

Your wedding was so beautiful!

Why thank you. All weddings are beautiful of course. I hope other people will share their photos/advice. Maybe you should get a copy of your parents wedding picture

[Miss Simon]

My wedding was small. We chose to save on arbitrarily inflated prices that follow in the shadow of newly engaged couples and spend that money instead on a nice honeymoon. I think our wedding was 30 people or so? Including the wedding party. My husband and I also do not gravitate towards much pomp and circumstance so that might also explain it. 

My advice to those planning weddings is do what makes you feel comfortable. You'll want to enjoy the day and not worry about technical details so plan for something within the range of your stress levels.

[MIKolbe]

Some people from phatmass are getting married. We should give them wedding inspo by posting pictures. Whether you got married yeseterday or 50 yrs ago ... post those pics and your advices about wedding planning or marriage.

 

inspirational pic

Enjoy the warm gooey feelings, but know this is love. It ain't always pretty, and it can hurt.  Love is a choice made. A choice made on your wedding day and every single day thereafter.

 

 

What was your best wedding planning decision?

MY best planning decision was letting my wife plan it.  OUR best wedding decision was calling on friends to save $. 

A friend was a baker- winner winner.

Another friend had a flower shop - winner winner.

Another friend was a sheriff and accompanied my wife and the florist to the flower mart in LA and got a deeper discount (people like to hook up cops) - winner winner

 

Did anything go wrong the day of?

Yes, the best man lost the rings. We gave it to him the night before so we wouldn't forget. Luckily he found them in his car.

 

If you've been married awhile and could go back to your wedding day to tell your newlywed self some wisdom, what would it be?

You know those times when you think you're funny, but she ain't laughing?  That's your cue to re-evaluate and apologize, not to keep going.....

 

 

[Lilllabettt]

3 hours ago, Miss Simon said:

My wedding was small. We chose to save on arbitrarily inflated prices that follow in the shadow of newly engaged couples and spend that money instead on a nice honeymoon. I think our wedding was 30 people or so? Including the wedding party. My husband and I also do not gravitate towards much pomp and circumstance so that might also explain it. 

My advice to those planning weddings is do what makes you feel comfortable. You'll want to enjoy the day and not worry about technical details so plan for something within the range of your stress levels.

Picks or it didnt happen

[Lilllabettt]

1 hour ago, MIKolbe said:

Some people from phatmass are getting married. We should give them wedding inspo by posting pictures. Whether you got married yeseterday or 50 yrs ago ... post those pics and your advices about wedding planning or marriage.

 

inspirational pic

Enjoy the warm gooey feelings, but know this is love. It ain't always pretty, and it can hurt.  Love is a choice made. A choice made on your wedding day and every single day thereafter.

 

 

What was your best wedding planning decision?

MY best planning decision was letting my wife plan it.  OUR best wedding decision was calling on friends to save $. 

A friend was a baker- winner winner.

Another friend had a flower shop - winner winner.

Another friend was a sheriff and accompanied my wife and the florist to the flower mart in LA and got a deeper discount (people like to hook up cops) - winner winner

 

Did anything go wrong the day of?

Yes, the best man lost the rings. We gave it to him the night before so we wouldn't forget. Luckily he found them in his car.

 

If you've been married awhile and could go back to your wedding day to tell your newlywed self some wisdom, what would it be?

You know those times when you think you're funny, but she ain't laughing?  That's your cue to re-evaluate and apologize, not to keep going.....

 

 

I was also going to make you post a pic but I love the idea of a crucifix as a wedding picture. 

 

[Miss Simon]

1 hour ago, Lilllabettt said:

Picks or it didnt happen

We didnt take many, the only major ones are of the two of us however I dont feel comfortable sharing my irl pics at the moment. It was a Catholic ceremony (not a full mass, just readings) performed by a super nice deacon in their small chapel. The entrance song was Avril 14th (which is special to my husband and I) and our exit song was the Rick Roll (on the piano of course so perfectly legit). 

Most of my family was way too innocent to realize they got rick rolled but a couple friends in the wedding party gave us victimized looks on the way out. Worth it. 

Edited December 5, 2018 by Miss Simon

[Lilllabettt]

1 hour ago, Miss Simon said:

We didnt take many, the only major ones are of the two of us however I dont feel comfortable sharing my irl pics at the moment. It was a Catholic ceremony (not a full mass, just readings) performed by a super nice deacon in their small chapel. The entrance song was Avril 14th (which is special to my husband and I) and our exit song was the Rick Roll (on the piano of course so perfectly legit). 

Most of my family was way too innocent to realize they got rick rolled but a couple friends in the wedding party gave us victimized looks on the way out. Worth it. 

Classic. 

I feel you, I had to go thru looking for ones that were not face shots. However most people here see me on fb anyway so... why I care idk

[CatherineM]

I made a Celtic type gown. The sleeves look great, but those things were a pain to sew, plus I sat on them every time I sat down. 

Weirdest thing was his ex girlfriend showed up unannounced. She behaved though. 

[Lilllabettt]

31 minutes ago, CatherineM said:

I made a Celtic type gown. The sleeves look great, but those things were a pain to sew, plus I sat on them every time I sat down. 

Weirdest thing was his ex girlfriend showed up unannounced. She behaved though. 

Do I see green at the waist there?

Very pretty. Looks like a nice room, too. 

Ugh to party crashers. And droppers. I had two people rsvp yes and then just not show. Luckily 1 person just showed up without telling me they were coming. So only 1 meal went to waste and there was a chair for them. But I mean come on really???

Worst were people that rsvp'd "maybe". Or they would "maybe" bring a guest. Arggghhh@!!!!

2 minutes ago, Lilllabettt said:

 

To be honest I did 1 of those things before i knew any better...

40 minutes ago, CatherineM said:

I made a Celtic type gown. The sleeves look great, but those things were a pain to sew, plus I sat on them every time I sat down. 

Weirdest thing was his ex girlfriend showed up unannounced. She behaved though. 

Also did you wear a veil?

I had a piece of tulle I ended up wearing on my head the whole day...

Edited December 7, 2018 by Lilllabettt