Hesitation of being new to the Church

[Dimitri]

Hello. My name is Dimitri. I wasn’t named after St. Demetrius, but I like the correlation anyway – therefore, I chose him to be in my profile picture. I notice it appears a lot in Eastern Orthodoxy, though I am from Northwestern Europe. However, my grandfather is from Greece, so my mother felt it was an appropriate name for me.

I am still only 17 years old – if I am lucky, I will have plenty of time to find out what kind of path God has laid out for me. No, I did not use to look at it in such a positive light. Around two years ago, my intellect grew as I entered puberty and threw me into a pit of nihilism; that I only barely escaped. In the way of St. Augustine, I let my heart find the truth and now it is more at rest, so here I am.

The way I was raised was not religious, so I came to my findings on my own. I like this, since I feel faith is worth more if you come to it yourself, instead of being taught, but at the same time, it provides problems. I fear that it will alienate me from my friends, family – my surroundings. Due to this, I have trouble even going to church for the first time (that is, a Catholic one, as it speaks to me most and Orthodoxy isn’t widespread here) and possibly converting. In religion, I find depth and meaning that I feel like is lacking in the usual life.

I must admit I have always found the life of a monk attractive. However, I am a romantic young man and cannot allow myself to be in a position in which I cannot follow my heart, therefore I feel like such a thing is not my calling, at least not at this time. I worry about finding someone though, whether it will occur. Best would be to find a woman who is already Catholic, so I could integrate more easily, so to speak. In a few years, I plan to perhaps study theology at a Catholic university. Maybe I could find like-minded people there and be in an easier position, though if I want to convert – it seems good to do it early.

Apologies if this post is a bit long, and in the wrong part of the forums. If you have any advice, feel free to grant it to me. If possible, pray, too, so that I may find the way that is laid out for me. I will do the same for you.

[Guest]

Wecome to Phatmass!  

Your post was quite informative and it is good to get to know members.  Thank you for posting.

[maar]

17 hours ago, Dimitri said:

I fear that it will alienate me from my friends, family – my surroundings.

Welcome, Dimitri! Thank you for sharing your journey and know that God's plan will unravel step by step for you.  

To speak to your fear of becoming isolated from the life and people you know, I, too, had this fear when I began to step into my faith seriously. It was also the main fear for a dear friend of mine who entered the Church a couple of months ago.

I wonder if perhaps this is one of the enemy's go-to tactics for people who are considering joining the Church- making them fear they'll be totally abandoned, lonely, and without friends.

God has only multiplied and deepened my friendships and allowed those friendships to fall away which weren't healthy to begin with. He may allow some of your surroundings and relationships to fall away (I don't know), but don't be afraid because He's promised He will never abandon you! 

[Dimitri]

Thank you all for welcoming me so warmfully. It is an interesting thought that it is a tactic of the enemy. I might be deviating a bit from doctrine here, but in any case, I believe that all fear and anxiety are a domain of the devil somehow. He tries to prevent me from going out into the world, instead of just sitting in my room reading and such. This is not only in going to a church for the first time. Nevertheless, I do have to feel that it is the right thing to do, so I will watch my thoughts and feelings carefully.

By the way - maar - are you Dutch or Flemish, by any chance? I ask this since your username is in the vocabulary.  I saw your other thread and I pray for your successful vocation.

[maar]

6 hours ago, Dimitri said:

By the way - maar - are you Dutch or Flemish, by any chance? I ask this since your username is in the vocabulary.  I saw your other thread and I pray for your successful vocation.

Thank you for your prayers, Dimitri! I'm not Dutch or Flemish but my mother is Scandinavian. 

God bless you on your continued journey!