Kayte Discerns (An Ongoing Journey)

[InCordeJesuEtMariae]

On 6/14/2020 at 3:41 AM, Kayte Postle said:

Hello pham, 

It's been a hot minute since I have posted, and well much has happened in the world and in my own life since I posted back in March. Ultimately I did not apply to the community I mentioned above. The VD had sent out two applications, both of which got lost in the mail. Then I was asked to wait on my application, which was completely fine, but the community was less than communicative from there on out. I haven't been able to speak with the VD since March, despite my efforts at contact. I have resigned myself to the fact that entering this community is not going to happen. I was very bitter about the whole thing for awhile. I was mad at the community, and I was mad at God. I felt like went off the rails in my bitterness and immediately started to try and date, which of course, was a terrible move. The lack of access to the sacraments because of COVID-19 also has taken it's toll on me just as it's taken it's toll on everyone. 

I'm at a point where in my diocese I can attend mass and confession again, and feel as though I can begin to pick through the pieces of what has happened. I'm taking some time to breathe and rest in the Lord before moving forward with discerning with any other community. I know in my heart of hearts I'm still called, despite my struggles and shortcomings. Just right now I need from rest from the journey. 

Pray for me please? I continue to hold you all in prayer! Love you my pham. 

 

The peace of Christ for you. 

I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. I wanted to write something because I understand on some level. I’m not discerning religious life but I’ve been there and can completely relate to having the desire and not having it work out with a community you had hoped for. I’ve been in two monasteries and three other communities (one of the same Order and two different Orders) wouldn’t let me discern with them because, well, it’s not easy to find a community that will let you discern when you haven’t made it two times. 
 

I know bitterness and anger and have made silly choices in rebelling. Our Lord’s mercy is great. Stay close to Jesus. Praying for you! 

[gloriana35]

Most countries are on lockdown - I assume that applies to you. Heaven help any of us if we think God controls the mails. Deliveries have often been very long. Applications getting lost in the mail are no-one's fault. I'm inclined to think that a few months away from the elation made you decide not to enter there. Best in what you finally do decide. 

[monica_margaret]

Kayte, I'm sorry to hear about what's been going on. I will certainly be keeping you in my prayers. Do your best to lean on God more than ever during this time. <3

[Kayte Postle]

I'm going on a visit with a new (to me) community this weekend, will be boarding my plane in a few short hours. Please pray for good things and the Lord's will be heard by simple little me. 

[Jennifer]

I hope you have a wonderful and joyful weekend. Many prayers  for you Kayte.   

[Kayte Postle]

Hello Pham, 

It has been awhile since I posted and figured I was in a place where I could finally post an update. The weekend retreat with the community above went terribly, and I ended up having to change my flights to go home early because of personal and family reasons. Even though I was there for a short time, the Lord was clear in His message that it was not the place for me.

I also realized I held a lot of hurt still from the rather odd rejection I received from the one community I had asked to apply to. I still have no clear answers from that community about what happened or why communication was so abruptly cut off. I have given up on trying to contact the community  to find out what happened, as all forms of communication I've tried since April-ish have resulted in no response. This is a big hurt. One that needs some time, prayer, and a whole lot of Jesus to heal. 

Right now? I'm working and striving to reach a few financial goals regarding my debt. I love my job, and am happy where I'm at right now. I don't know if I'm in the best place to be active in my pursuit of religious life. I still think I'm called, but it's a "not yet love" phase. Please pray for my patience because this type of waiting is very difficult for me. Jesus will provide, and help me through it as long as I stay close to Him. 

[adoro.te.devote]

I'm so sorry! From what I hear, covid has really affected the discernment of lots of people (including myself too) and it's hard to discern during a time that is so confusing/unstable/frustrating. My prayers for you that God would keep your heart in peace. I always tend to think, if it didn't happen, it wasn't the right place. I was very heartbroken after a very difficult trip to a Carmel, but now looking back, I wasn't called to that community, as wonderful as it is. God knows where He wants us eventually, though the waiting is difficult and tests our patience a lot!! 

[Antigonos]

Hang in there, Kayte!  "This too shall pass".

I think right now, everyone's stress levels are off the meters entirely.  Take it one day at a time.  The right religious calling and community will be there when you -- and they -- are ready.

[Kayte Postle]

Hello Pham! 

I had disappeared from the phorum for a bit, was trying to keep my distance from religious life in general as I was trying to be patient and focus on other aspects of my life for a few months. I'm back for the time being though, and thought I'd update. 

Work is good, I love my job. The commute is long, but I've been using it as praise and worship time in the car. It also has a lot of flexibility which makes getting to appointments easier. It will also make it easier to take time off for visits without taking up vacation time. Living with my folks still, and making some good headway on my more higher interest rate debt. Still got a long way to go, but I'm making a lot of progress. 

As for discerning I'm in contact with a community, and have scheduled a talk with the VD of another community to learn more about them beyond their website information. I have talked with community A previously and they are very open to letting me discern with them despite my limitations. I'm just now finally in a place work wise and financially that I can afford to make the trip to go visit them. I have scheduled a visit with them in mid-March for a few days.  I have very briefly looked at community B before, but never talked with the VD. We will see how that conversation goes on Monday. I am hopeful, but patient in seeing where things go. 

[KaytePost]

Hello Pham! It has been quite some time. Since the facebook login button doesn't work anymore, and I'm pretty sure the email on my fb is one that I no longer have access to, I've had to make a new account! 

Wow so much has happened since January. I was offered a wonderful position at my parish shortly after my last post, and wow Jesus is so freaking good! I'm the office manager, and I'm also using my art degree for a lot of graphic design and video work for the parish. It's a dream come true!

Right now I'm happy, content, and at peace with where I am at in life. I'm going a on general discernment of spirits zoom retreat in October, which I'm super excited about! There are two communities I've talked to, and have some causal contact with. Just feeling each other out, I might consider visiting the local convents of each community sometime after October starts, but will lean into what the VDs of the communities thinks is the right next step. 

It's weird with my 30th birthday coming up in a few months, and still finding peace.  22 year old me thought I'd be in a convent for a long time by now, and I chuckle at that thought. God works wonderful things, and although my story and journey has had struggles, I wouldn't have it any other way! 

tldr; Jesus is good. I'm at peace. God knows what He is doing. 

Love you all, and I continue to pray for you! Please pray for me as well, pax! 

[Jennifer]

I'm so happy for you Kayte. 

God bless you      

[Antigonos]

A big thumbs up.

[gloriana35]

I am glad you are happy.

[Pax17]

Congratulations, Kayte...glad things are going well for you.

[KaytePost]

Y'all, I'm going on a visit this weekend for a few days (Thurs-Mon to be exact). Please keep me in your prayers!