Kayte Discerns (An Ongoing Journey)

[Kayte Postle]

'ello pham! 

My meeting with my potential new SD went well, and I'll be meeting again with her next week. She was very helpful already! She gave me some really good reading and some good prompts to pray over for our next meeting. 

I've been able to do a holy hour each a week (with a few extra hours in there too, praise for perpetual adoration chapels!) for the past month and the blessings from that have been amazing! I'm still in contact with an active community and have a planned visit with them in a couple of weeks. However, I am beginning to pray about the possibility of a more contemplative vocation. I have been reflecting over many of my old journals and writings, and one of the common threads for each community I discerned out of was there was not enough contemplation/prayer time, and too much apostolate. I was going over my discernment story with my potential new SD, and she pointed this out to me. I feel somewhat silly for not seeing it before. I'm a little nervous about the possibility of a contemplative vocation, especially given my mental health status. I've played with the idea of contemplative life before, but never took any steps in that direction. I know though that if the Lord is calling me to it, He will open the doors for me. So I'm continuing to pray right now, and slowly starting to write contemplative communities to ask more questions.

Prayers for y'all! 

Edited September 5, 2019 by Kayte Postle

[asimina]

Sounds good, Kayte!

[gloriana35]

Prayer before the Sacrament (and liturgy, such as the Offices, and particularly the Eucharist) are magnificent sources of grace, much as it sometimes seems a drag.  From centuries before Jesus walked the earth, orthopraxy sustained Israel.

I pray for you, Kayte, because you are dealing with so  much confusion. I hope that your finding the best option for where you best can serve God and neighbour is near. I think most of us, if we've been fortunate to have a spiritual director with a true gift of discernment, often are amazed at how we didn't see something in ourselves which was 'under our noses.'

[Kayte Postle]

......Um so guys, the last four days have been CRAZY. 

As I stated in my last post I was going to contact a contemplative community, as I've been feeling drawn that way. I knew which community I'd contact first, as I contacted them 2 years ago but never followed up on things after that first initial email (long story as to why). The Mother Superior of this contemplative community called me on Thursday evening, and we have had several really good phone call conversations over the past two days. I work for a temp agency right now, and I'm in between assignments for a couple of weeks. Well, GUESS WHAT? Mother invited me to come and stay at the monastery for a come and see for a few days!! I am so excited and so nervous. I really think it's Divine Providence that it's happening so quickly. Also, as I've mentioned, I have some minor mental health issues. This is the first community that not only is okay with me continuing medication (praise!) but also is encouraging of me continuing therapy if needed! I am so overjoyed right now I could scream from the rooftops! I'll be driving to the monastery on Tuesday after spiritual direction, so please keep me in your prayers!

I'm trying so hard to stay grounded right now amidst the chaos of this happening so fast. I had my weekly Holy Hour this morning (3am baby!) and I felt so at peace and so sure about going to the monastery this coming week. I feel crazy for considering to go this quickly, but I know it's something I have to do. Please please pray for me, that this will be a fruitful experience. 

[JHFamily]

Absolutely, will do.  I absolutely pray that God will lead you to your vocation and that you have the grace to persevere in it.  As you said, it can be hard to stay grounded.

[Kayte Postle]

So pham, long story short my time at the monastery was fruitful in that it has shown me a lot. I am officially taking a break from any kind of discernment until the new year, possibly longer. I need to deal with some deep wounds before I take steps in any direction right now. Please pray for me during this time. 

Edited October 8, 2019 by Kayte Postle

[chrysostom]

Prayers said.

[Kayte Postle]

Happy and blessed Advent my lovely pham! 

It has a been awhile since I posted here and wanted to give a quick update. I have done a lot of work in prayer, therapy, and spiritual direction on some deep wounds in my life. I found I was wanting religious life for several wrong reasons, and as I said earlier halted all discernment. Once bringing these issues to light especially in therapy and prayer, the Lord has done a wonderful work in healing me. I am still very much drawn to religious life, but for almost completely different reasons now. I've had my eyes kinda opened in my prayer life, and I was waaayy to constricted in what I thought religious life had to look like. It's actually really freeing discovering the beauty in the wealth of expressions of religious life. 

I wrote one community for more information a couple of days ago (it was a super late night decision to write before the new year, probably should have held off, but what's done is done). I'm excited about going this direction again, and feel so very different than I ever have before in this process. I'm so thankful to God for every no I have received up to this point. I'm at peace with myself, and living my single life right now, but excited to see what God has in store for the future. 

Love you all, and see you again in January! Many prayers for you all, pax! 

[Jennifer]

Thank you Kayte for this update ........... I will pray for you as you continue your discernment

.I hope you have a blessed Christmas.  

 

[Kayte Postle]

Pax phriends! 

I am so joyful in this new year! So much is happening that I'd love to share. The community I wrote called me and I had a lovely conversation with the VD. I was open, and kinda blunt about my journey this far, my struggles, my joys, and the shortcomings in myself that I have discovered along the way. She was very sweet, and very receptive to me! This community is 100% okay with my medication needs, and would even want me to continue treatment should I hypothetically enter someday. This has been the most joyous news for me! The VD has invited me to a discernment retreat with them in mid-Feb, and I had more than enough airline miles to cover the trip. The only thing I had to pay for was $11 in processing fees, God is good! 

In other news I have applied to graduate school for to get my Master's in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I've been wanting this for a long long time, and finally felt like it was time to take the plunge. This has been a challenge given my discernment, but I am at peace with where I am at right now. I also know for a fact that this community is willing to work with me on being able to finish my Master's should we discern for me to enter before it is complete. Especially since my coursework is in line with the apostolate of the community, and my coursework will 100% be online. 

I have had to tell my family about my continuing discernment, given I will be flying out of state for almost a week in Feb. There had been some major miscommunication and they had thought I was completely done discerning when I decided to take my break. This has not gone over well. My sister is neutral, but my mother is extremely hostile to the idea. When I told her over the phone, there were many tears, much yelling, and an insistence that this path is "absolutely impossible" for me to pursue. To say the least that really hurt, even though I knew that would be her reaction. My SD and I have talked about this and he has encouraged me to continue moving forward despite my mother's loud objections. He has also reminded me to be loving and patient with her through this process. If you could pray for my family and their hearts during this time, that would be appreciated. 

Lastly I am transitioning into an "old-new" job. I've worked in a very similar capacity, but am changing employers. I'll be working at the Children's Hospital in my city, and I could not be more thrilled (and a tiny bit nervous). God is great though, because my schedule will allow me to continue to attend daily mass every day, and be home at a decent time in the afternoons. 

I'm doing super well and continue to grow in many areas each day with the love and grace of our Beloved. I'm always praying for you all! Love you pham. 

Edited January 13, 2020 by Kayte Postle

[Antigonos]

Good to hear positive news, hope this all works out for you!

[Kayte Postle]

Told my dad about my discernment today and even told him about the retreat I'm going on in a few weeks. It went much better than when I told my mom. He doesn't agree with or understand my discernment, but he does understand that I'm trying to do what God is asking of me.

They're both under the impression that I'm "running away from life" which we all know that the convent is the worst place to do so. They're also concerned about how I'm going to pay off my debt. I'm well aware of the resources out there for candidates and trust that God will make it happen if I should get to that point, but I know it's not going to go over well with my parents when I mention that fundraising is one of the options.

I know that this is steps down the road, but I'm very serious about my discernment with this community. It's not out of the realm of possibility for me to be moving forward with entrance very soon. I am doing my best to trust the Lord with my parents, but I'm so afraid I'm going to lose them over this, especially my mom. I'll always choose Jesus, but losing them would practically kill me. Prayers for me please?

[monica_margaret]

Prayers Kayte! I'm sorry your parents aren't very supportive/don't understand it. I hope they at least will be happy seeing you happy when you enter.

Fundraising definitely might help for paying off debt -- take a look into the Laboure Society. A friend of mine entered her community with their help.  Good luck, and be assured of my prayers! 

[gloriana35]

Very few people understand consecrated life - even if they are devout. I'm sure it is difficult for you to have your parents opposed, but, small comfort though this is, it's a typical attitude (the more since people saw far more Sisters in final vows exit religious life than remain.)

[PaxHominibus]

Don't worry, neither Catherine of Sienna nor Thomas Aquinas' parents were supportive of their vocation either. You are in excellent company.

Edited January 22, 2020 by PaxHominibus