Kayte Discerns (An Ongoing Journey)

[Dymphna]

Dear Kayte, good to hear that you are doing talk therapy as well and that it's working for you! I know psychotherapy myself and it was very helpful for me.

One thing you might be thinking about when you're talking to communities: They may be interested in the progress you've made through therapy, and whether you feel you'd need to continue talk therapy when in community. I once talked to a sister who told me that would be no problem, whereas in another community they said that their postulants/novices are on the move so much that it would not be possible to have psychotherapy during that time.

This is possibly far away for you now - I hope you will find that God has something you will love worked out for you!

[Kayte Postle]

Hey Pham! 

Thank you all for the prayers, and well wishes. I also really appreciate your wisdom and advice through this process. I finally had a chance to talk to my SD, and we are both in agreement that it's okay for me to continue to discern a vocation. I've been through a rough patch spiritually with moving, etc. because I'm having to start from scratch in joining a parish community. I miss my bible study girls from my old parish, but my SD is super supportive of me joining his parish and is helping me get connected. 

Vocation wise I got to talk with the VD of the community I previously told you I would write. She was very nice, and helpful! I was rather upfront about my medical and mental health needs, and the VD didn't see why that would be a barrier with her community. This was very very encouraging. We even talked about how I already have a plan in place with my doctors should I ever move out of state to handle transferring my care. I asked A LOT of questions, and was so happy with the answers. The community hits all the things on my "needs" list, and quite a few of my "wants". The only thing I'm nervous about is that it's an older community, with only one member under the age of 40. I got to talk about this with the VD (who is the youngest member), and she was so understanding as she went through the same thing when she was discerning. We've penciled in a visit for the early fall, pending me getting the time off of work and affording the plane ticket. 

Pray for me during this time, I always keep you all in mine! 

[asimina]

Hi Kayte,

You don't know me, I just lurk, but I want to say how happy I am that things are going well for you!  

[Kayte Postle]

Hiya Pham. 

Finally took the plunge and ordered tickets to fly to discern with the sisters! Honestly I'm so nervous, and a little frightened. It feels like this is the last chance I will ever have at religious life (even though I'm quite sure that's not true). I've also been growing in appreciation of married life, and might be confusing that with a call (also cute Catholic boys don't make things any easier). I am excited to go in retreat in early September and hopefully the Lord will speak loud and clear. Please pray for me as I prep for this retreat, physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

Work has had some bumps in the road, but I have talked with my leadership team and my doctors (as the bumps were mental health related). We've gotten things all figured out, and it's smooth sailing now. I started working from home today, and it has done a lot to ease my anxiety. 

I'm going to continue to pray for you all, and please pray for me! 

[Pax17]

Congratulations on taking that next step in your discernment....glad things continue to go well.

[Antigonos]

Keeping my fingers crossed for you, Kayte.

[Kayte Postle]

That satisfying moment when you finally turn off all your old dating profiles. I'll admit to you my pham that I had a lot of lingering doubts about my vocation (mostly health related) and just defaulted myself into thinking I should date. In those doubts I've held onto my dating profiles like a security blanket, or a safety net. I also felt like the pressure from my family to date was so overwhelming. This of course is not healthy discernment in the slightest. 

The Lord had a good talk with me today during mass, and I know my vocation is to single life, consecrated or not. I've know for years, but have been so afraid of never being able to be a sister and "being stuck" as a single lay woman. Boy did I need an attitude adjustment! The single life is beautiful, like every other state of life, and if God is calling me to it then I am joyful to accept His will. Praises to God! I'm still in a place where I feel called to the convent, but if like St. Gemma, God has a different plan then I will embrace it with my whole heart. 

Prayers and peace my dear pham! 

 

[Kayte Postle]

All the great news today! I cannot share everything with you all yet, but good things on are the way. Like the Holy Spirit has been giving me present after present today. THREE in total, and I'm so jazzed y'all. Can't wait to share with you and soon. =) 

[Kayte Postle]

So I know I've been through this process before, but I'm very excited about something the Lord has done in my prayer life. I contacted a community, by filling out the inquiry form on their website. I did that over a week ago, and then followed up by calling today. I said in my message that I understood it's summer/profession season/a busy time and that I was totally patient on waiting to hear back from them. Was that inappropriate of to call instead of waiting for an email? I'm just so excited to hear from this community, and know that it's a looooonnnnggg shot that they'll accept me with medication. I'm so nervous, so excited, and so hopeful. All the things. 

[beatitude]

Prayers for you, Kayte.  

Personally I would give it longer than a week before following up with a community, as I know some sisters who only check their emails once a week as it is. I don't want to stray into the territory of unsolicited advice, so please tell me to back off if I am (I won't be offended ), but one thing that does come across throughout this thread is that you can be a bit hasty with things like this. On 19th July you were writing with excitement that you'd taken the plunge to buy plane tickets in order to visit a community, which is a pretty big step. Within ten days of doing that you're enquiring with another community, and then phoning a week after writing to them. Just from personal experience, if I knew I had a visit scheduled with a community, I'd probably be waiting to contact others until I'd made the visit and had had a decent amount of time to digest my experiences and pray. Contacting communities even after you've arranged a visit can make it very difficult for you to participate in that visit with clear sight and full attentiveness, as part of your brain will be thinking, "I wonder when Community B will reply to me and how they'll compare to this community." That can actually get in the way of discernment, as there will always be another community to write to and visit, and having them on your mind prevents you from asking the crucial question, "Could I grow in holiness and love and joy with these sisters, in this place?" After all, in the end all candidates for religious life have to answer that question without reference to other communities, in the same way that people in love can't compare their spouses to all the other myriad candidates in the world before they decide to get married.

[Kayte Postle]

@beatitude You're not over stepping at all, in fact I really am glad you said what you did. I was definitely hard to hear, but ultimately it's something I really needed to hear. I guess through my years of discerning I've gotten into the habit of contacting multiple communities at once, and thought this was ok. You make an excellent point though that it could be distracting me from being present to the community I am visiting. I've still got a lot of growing to do in the area of patience, especially when it comes to discerning. Thank you so much for speaking up! 

[beatitude]

Thank you. I was worried I might have been too blunt and possibly hurt you. I'm naturally quite an impatient person myself, so I recognise your struggle. My own impatience manifests in taking on far too many jobs and responsibilities (because they are all such good things to be doing, and God wants me to do good, doesn't he?), then finding I can't cope with it all and collapsing like a sandcastle. It is very hard for me to persevere with just one or two things instead of trying to do everything that catches my attention and interest, and my own formation director is being quite stern with me about this. "It is so important that you learn to pace yourself. It's an act of trust in God," was literally what she said to me in our last conversation. Heaven knows I need her on my case.

I think that we can look at this impatience in a positive light - it's often just a side effect of enthusiasm and desire to do the right thing, and the challenge for people like us is to learn how to direct our enthusiasm with precision and prudence, and not let it carry us all over the place. This is a bit like how a surfer or sailor learns to control their direction and use the winds in their favour, instead of getting blown from one direction to the next. It is frightening, and often frustrating and even dull, but it's such an important spiritual discipline.

[Kayte Postle]

My dear phamily, pray for me this weekend. I was (through divine providence for sure) invited to go on retreat with the community this weekend! Everything just kinda fell into place and it's absolutely perfect timing. I had been planning on visiting this community later in the year, but it just worked out that I can go now! Travel has been paid for already, and it was just magically not an issue to change dates! I'm so excited about this and can't wait to see what God has in store. 

It's kinda ironic that I start very intentionally start praying about patience, and then something comes along like today. I had planned a visit with this community earlier in the year, and didn't end up getting the time off of work. So I had to practice patience, and wait on the Lord's timing. Then I scheduled a visit for the fall, but things change! I'm so just so jazzed for this weekend and have such an open heart for God to do His will, and His will alone. =) 

Edited August 14, 2019 by Kayte Postle

[Kayte Postle]

I've had some time to "unpack" so to speak from the visit I had a couple of weeks ago. It was a lovely community and they were very kind and wonderful during my visit. However, the Lord made it very clear that I am not called there. It's a bit disheartening, but I've had a little bit of time to even myself out and be okay with this. It's God will and not mine. 

I've been at a bit of a stand still with my SD as of late. SD with my current director has been stagnant for about a year. He's a wonderful and holy priest, but very quiet. Most of our sessions I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. It feels awful to say that, but I just don't think he is the right fit for me SD wise, and hasn't been for awhile. We've talked about it in SD and he is supportive of me finding someone else. I ran into a religious sister a few weeks ago at a general young adult retreat and talked to her about my concerns. She was very sweet and understanding and gave me the number of a sister in her order that does spiritual direction.  I have a meeting with her tomorrow, and I'm very excited. I will be discussing and figuring out next steps discernment wise once I settle into sessions with a new SD, whether it's this sister or someone else.

I have a couple of other communities in mind that I'd love to contact, but I want to wait until I have a SD to be able to get feedback from. So for now I'm just going to continue to pray, worship, and be still in the Lord. I think it's the best thing to do right now, despite my great temptation to just plow ahead. So pray for me pham. I pray for you, my dear pham, everyday! 

[Dymphna]

I think it's important to find an SD with whom you feel you can work well, so good luck, I hope you already had a good meeting with that sister! An SD will not be able to tell you what God wants from you (and a good SD will never try to do that), because only you can find that out, it's between God and you. But they can be very helpful in sorting out thoughts and feelings and figuring out what you really long for - and what that has to do with your vocation.