My Vocation?

[DaveGrey]

Hello all.

Before I start rambling, I better give you some background first.

I am 15, my family is devoutly Catholic, and I'm the oldest. I am a reasonably active member of my youth group at my parish.

There. Now, back to the point.

I'm trying to understand my vocation, and I think I'm getting poked in the direction of marriage. Now I know that I am kind of young to be worrying about all this, but still, God's plans can be unusual, and I want to understand what he's telling me. 

Anyways, I said I'm feeling pulled towards marriage. Let me explain why. As to be expected of a teen, I've gone through the "crushes" stage, and have been interested in many girls. But this one girl I know, Rachel, is different than the other ones I've known. To start off, we've been friends for maybe 3-4 years now. That's a good start. But also, I didn't even start off having an attraction to her in any way. We just were friends through school and youth group. But then, lots of things began happening recently in my life. I came back into the Faith after an absence since I was 11. I still kept up the farce of being Catholic, but I really was messed up under the mask. Then I went to a Steubenville youth conference just last July that changed my life, turned me around, and now I'm a better Catholic (or am trying my best to be one). A couple weeks later, I went to a vocational camp for boys. I left feeling more ready to listen to God's call in my life.

And then, all of a sudden, I started noticing Rachel more. Not completely without prompting, either. She's started getting involved in my life in random ways. For one, she gave me breakfast on the morning of a youth group hike we were going on, and she didn't even know that I had forgotten to have breakfast. That could have just her being kind, but I take coincidences more seriously than most, because I am aware of the subtle ways God can do things. But that hike was to include even more. We ended up sticking together during the majority of the hike, and I often found myself helping her on the rockier parts of the trail. Which, by the way, is not a normal part of my personality. Sure, I'll be generally helpful, but mostly to the extent of holding the door and stuff like that. We even ended up hanging out together overlooking a beautiful waterfall for a little while, because we had opted out of a rockier, longer trail that everyone else was taking to get back to the parking lot. We ended up having a really nice conversation, but nothing more. But still, the fact that all that happened, and I didn't really influence most of these events happening, makes me wonder.

I could just be overreacting, but I still would like your opinion about what could be happening.

And there's more that's more sensitive personal stuff. I am possibly willing to share it with individuals during conversation, but it's not really stuff I'd like to post publicly.

What also would help me greatly is your prayers.

[PhuturePriest]

Oh dear, it's another me.

I'm glad you had a really positive experience at the Steubenville conference! Good job on not allowing it to be just a weekend high and really sticking with it so far.

As for the question at hand, take this from someone who was very much like you at your age: don't strain to search for the hand of God in every detail. I thought I might be called to marriage for a while because of one girl in particular whom I was very close to. Over a small period, I became certain God was calling us to marry, and I imagined the life we would surely have together. One night, while having a serious conversation on the phone, she said in a meaningful voice "Miles, I love you." I had to sit down -- it was everything I knew God wanted finally happening before my eyes. I asked her, just to be sure, "You mean, in a romantic way?"

I'll never forget her answer: "No no no no no no no no, I mean in a totally Platonic way." 

Before that event by a few months, I visited a seminary. I had desired to be a priest for two years at that point, and I couldn't wait to go. I went and decided definitively that God was most certainly not calling me to be a priest. 

And now I'm in my second year of seminary. I have all but entirely lost contact with that girl. Not because we don't like each other as people, but just because our lives took us different places and as we matured we became less compatible as friends.

Life is weird.

As far as being attracted to this girl after not being attracted to her, it might be something, but it might also not be. Attraction is very weird and fickle, especially at your age. The aforementioned girl that I was quite certain God was calling me to marry told me "I don't know why I don't like you in that way, because you're literally everything I want in a guy."

If I can give you any practical advice, it's to not look so closely to find God's hand in everything you think might be significant, because often what ends up happening is we just decide something is God's will in order to justify what we want.

Looking back on my life, I can see God's hand in many seemingly small things, all of which led me to be where I am now. But the thing about these events is that I could only know what they mean in retrospect, not at the time. I can only think of a handful of events in which I knew for a fact what they meant at the time. When I was "certain" God was not calling me to be a priest, it's because I was crazy over a girl. Same concerning my certainty that God was calling me to marry the other girl. I kept taking my feelings at the time and applying them definitively to God's will, which is exactly what we shouldn't do.

So, just relax. Enjoy this friendship with this girl and see where it goes. Don't make any assumptions about what your vocation is or isn't -- just follow along your path one day at a time and be open to whatever God wants. I don't know what your vocation is, but I can say with certainty what God wants of you right now is to relax and just grow in holiness and enjoy your time being 15. Adulthood is long and adolescence far too short -- don't make it shorter by trying to be an adult prematurely.

Edited October 13, 2017 by PhuturePriest

[DaveGrey]

Thanks a lot!

[TheresaThoma]

PhuturePriest gave excellent advice! I would like to give a bit of my own. I have been discerning for about 7 years now and at multiple points I wanted to know so badly what God had planned for me and just do it. Something that I am just now realizing is at that point I just wasn't ready for what God is now asking of me. It wasn't that I wasn't listening but it just wasn't time yet. It can be difficult to be in that place of waiting but I have personally found great spiritual fruit in that balance of being at rest but ready to move forward when God calls.

Enjoy your friendship with this young lady wherever it goes. There is a beauty in a guy/girl friendship that doesn't lead/involve a romantic relationship. A strong friendship is also the basis for a good romantic relationship too.

[Marsabielle]

My sister is your age and  making a really beautiful attempt to really live her Catholic faith… She is also very preoccupied with her future vocation – she is pinned on marriage.  We pray together about it all the time… You really reminded me a lot of her situation! When I think of her or pray with her about this, I will remember you.  Stay strong. Pray. Don't worry! 

Edited October 14, 2017 by Marsabielle

[chrysostom]

I didn't date until after my teens were over. I discerned out of my first relationship...and now I'm figuring out the next steps which involve looking at religious life. Didn't regret any of that. What I do regret is all the time I wasted not praying and getting mired in my own sins.

Everyone must make a choice, each day, to love God with all their heart. Whether you marry or do something else, that doesn't change. Go, go to the chapel and sit with Jesus awhile. Make plans to keep doing it, if you are able. Keep Him company. Look for your peace with Him, or else you won't find it with anyone else. Now is the time to get serious.

So long as the spirit of prayer is in you, you'll be fine. Wish you the best.

[Maximilianus]

I have absolutely nothing vocationally constructive to add to this thread, however I must chime in to congratulate you on your fine avatar. 

Pax Christi. 

[DaveGrey]

On 10/14/2017 at 8:12 PM, Maximilianus said:

I have absolutely nothing vocationally constructive to add to this thread, however I must chime in to congratulate you on your fine avatar. 

Pax Christi. 

It takes a lot of faith and virtue to be a Mets fan... 

But anyways: Thanks to everyone for your advice. I've been struggling with lots of things besides this in my personal life lately, and it's been hard to sort out everything that's going on. Your insight helped me realize that I need to slow down, and let God take the reigns. Now all I ask is for your prayers again, as I keep fighting through the many problems of youth. Thank you!