Help please

[BarbTherese]

I am under maximum stress from 'outside sources'  just now and bipolar is not happy at all.  So far so good, but my fear of a bipolar episode is shooting my anxiety to the max.  My psychiatrist, whom I saw today is doing everything to help me through is - and above and beyond call of duty.  She has told me so often in the past that my fear of Bipolar and an episode makes things far worse than it needs to be.  I know this - I just don't seem to be able to get it into control just now.

I am sorry but just now I do not want to write any more than the above.  Problem: I am scared absolutely stupid and almost to a stupor in the fear of a bipolar episode which has taken my life apart totally so often in the past back over 10 or more years now but all the memories come back at times like this i.e. when I am not only rocked but now very rocky indeed.- I have to put my whole life all back together as much as I can once the episode is all over.  Relationships change with an episode and sometimes, never to be mended again.  So far, it really is so good.  I am not hearing a voice or voices and I don't have that horrible feeling they are around somewhere or other in the background somewhere but not as yet speaking up.  I haven't told my parish about my mental illness and really am hoping so much I wont need to do so.

I have an SVP Meeting next Tuesday.  My brother and his wife leave for the USA on 13th next week.  They will be away until the end of August.  Since my Mum and Dad passed away and I shifted to this suburb and parish, my brother and his wife have been my sole support re MI problems.  No one else around me here in my parish knows about it - insofar as I know only my pp and our parish secretary.  One other parishioner, but that is a long story.  Spare you that!

I value Pham prayer more than I can say.  Thank you very much indeed for a prayer, Phammers - you all are in mine.

God bless............Scared Stupid Barb

PS Not bad for someone who did not want to say much, huh? LOL