Telling My Dad

[Amata Christi]

Hey VS phamily!  I have been discerning for a few months now, and I think I'm getting to the point where I need to stop reading about communities online and actually get in contact with some.  I would really like to write to some communities soon, but I want to get both my parents' approval before I do so.  I have already told my mom I'm discerning, but I'm not sure how to bring it up with my dad and so I have yet to tell him.  I'm not worried about him being opposed (although it might take a while for him to warm up to the idea), but I've just never been as comfortable talking about that sort of thing with my dad as with my mom.

All that to say, I'm really hoping to tell my dad that I'm discerning while I'm home over Easter break, and I would really appreciate your prayers!  Like I said, I'm not really sure how to tell him.  Although I'm pretty sure he won't be opposed, I'm worried that he might be skeptical at first and that I won't be able to express what's on my heart in such a way that he'll understand.  I'm also afraid that I'll chicken out and end up not telling him...   Please pray for me that I am able to tell him so I can start writing to communities!

Thank you all!  I hope you are having a very blessed Holy Week!

[vee]

Contact communities whether or not your parents are skeptical or approve. It's not like they are co signing for a loan for you and you NEED their help.  You know what I mean?  Sure it's nice to have your family backing you up but you're in the wee early stages of discernment, not entering in a week!  Just say something like "Dad, I'm considering religious life and am going to start contacting communities."  He will probably be like "oh, ok". 

Or just for fun tell him you are joining a convent in a week. After the initial shock tell him you are kidding and are only just considering getting to know communities. 

[Amata Christi]

Yes, having my parents' support and approval would be nice, but my main reason for wanting to tell them first is that they would probably be less open to my discernment if they have any reason to believe I'm trying to hide it from them.  I don't think it would go over too well with them if they happened to see a reply from a community before I tell them I've written.

But I do see that it would be better to just tell them and do it instead of asking for their permission and then having to wait for them to get used to the idea before they let me write.  If they freak out about it, I can remind them that this is just to start getting to know a community and not to join them next week

[TheresaThoma]

Definitely tell them but don't feel like you have to ask for permission and get their approval before starting to write.

You never know how they may react. My mom has gone from being completely opposed to helping me sew skirts for my live in. Surprising things can happen and it is a joy to share this process with her.

[Sister Leticia]

Amata - you haven't said if you need your parents' support and approval because you will be asking them to pay for your travel to visit communities, or if you come from a culture where parents would be asked to give their blessing to what their offspring do, even if they're adults. Or it might just be that you love them and want them to be happy with and for you - which is lovely.

But you did say that you've already told your mother, and presumably she's being supportive (you haven't said she isn't). Can you ask her to be there when you tell your father and to help you both if he is upset, or if you find it hard to express yourself when he asks you questions?

If you think you might chicken out of telling him, but you also don't want replies to arrive before both your parents know and have started to digest the news... well, send those letters! Then you'll know you've GOT to tell him!

(By the way, how long will you be home for? You may need to let communities know both your home and term-time addresses, as I'm sure you won't want any delay in a reply getting to you!)

Good luck, or as our foundress used to say - Courage and confidence!

[sr.christinaosf]

I can relate, remembering the time when I was hesitant to tell my dad about my vocation, too.

I told my mom right away, but it was harder for me to open up to my dad about it.

I'll pray for you.