Not meaning to be controversial, but....

[Nunsuch]

In the past few days, there have been at least 2 posts that refer to religious, and specifically women religious, as "cute." While I understand that this is meant to be complimentary, or at least non-judgmental, I think such references run the risk of infantalizing or trivializing women (or all religious) and the rigor and seriousness of the commitment they make. Sisters, nuns, and all religious are many things, but "cute" is hardly the first thing I would like us to think of as we consider what their lives are all about.  I've been debating whether or not to post this, and finally decided to do so, because I think it does address a serious issue. Again, my purpose in posting is not to criticize individuals or to impute motives, so much as it is to give people something to think about.

[Pax17]

I think the word "cute" should be reserved for references to babies and puppies/kittens only.

"Cute" when used to refer to religious is disrespectful.

[Sponsa-Christi]

In my last post, I meant the charts and the drawings on them were cute--and most of them are of male religious founders, anyway.

[Sister Marie]

3 hours ago, Nunsuch said:

In the past few days, there have been at least 2 posts that refer to religious, and specifically women religious, as "cute." While I understand that this is meant to be complimentary, or at least non-judgmental, I think such references run the risk of infantalizing or trivializing women (or all religious) and the rigor and seriousness of the commitment they make. Sisters, nuns, and all religious are many things, but "cute" is hardly the first thing I would like us to think of as we consider what their lives are all about.  I've been debating whether or not to post this, and finally decided to do so, because I think it does address a serious issue. Again, my purpose in posting is not to criticize individuals or to impute motives, so much as it is to give people something to think about.

 

Thank you for saying this in a way I couldn't quite communicate.  As a younger sister, I hear this often.  Early in my religious life, I took "cute" as a compliment.  After a while, though, I realized that "cute" could be a major obstacle to ministry.  People sometimes are so attached to the "cute nun" idea they stop being able to see you as well educated professionals, human beings, and normal people trying to do the work of the Gospel.  You start getting dismissed and it makes ministry especially difficult.  

Worse than being dismissed is having a lot of knowledge, dedication, and vision to give and being reduced to something cute to look at.  One time I actually had a diocesan priest comment that my students were lucky to have such a pretty sister... I wanted to say, "No, my students are lucky because I'm a good teacher.  I work hard.  I care about them.  I want them to do well."  Unfortunately, I was too shocked to respond.  I wish I had been able to say those things in the moment.

I actually try to present myself in the most un-cute way I can in keeping with what my community wears.  It is something that is often on my mind when making decisions about how I present myself.  I really wish I didn't have to think about it but I've experienced what the "cute" label can do.  

If you are wondering, here are some words I would like to hear describing me or other religious are: passionate, intelligent, driven, prayerful, contemplative, loving, self-sacrificing, tireless, innovative, creative...

[Makarioi]

Well, I don't exactly see it that way.  Cute can be a term of endearment: engaging, delightful, dear....  It doesn't necessarily mean attractive or pretty.

 As a Nurse, I can tell you there have been many occasions when either a family member or physician has quipped to the patient (a sometime uncooperative one) that they were lucky to have the cute nurse or similar statement.  We'd have a chuckle but this cute Nurse got her message across when needed and they knew I meant business. I never felt that I was being dismissed or that my knowledge or vocation was being diminished or disrespected.  

[Nunsuch]

You may not see it this way, but the scholarship and extensive writing says that "cute"--especially when applied to an accomplished and mature woman--is both demeaning and dismissive. I would also take Sister Marie's word that sisters do not appreciate being referred to in this way. It is sort of the equivalent of referring to a woman with an "ess" or "ette" suffix. It makes them less than, and minimizes the substance of who they are.

As a professional, I have resented such references all of my adult life. And so do pretty much all of my colleagues.

[Sister Leticia]

Thank you Nunsuch for raising this. Here in the UK "cute" is a word used to describe kittens, babies, fluffy ducklings and so on - but not adults. And certainly not an adult responsible for saving sick peoples' lives or counselling the traumatised, running a college or project, the welfare and education of  children, spiritual direction and so on. This applies across the board, whether the adult is 26 or 56 or 76, attractive to look at or not, religious or not.

Edited March 28, 2017 by Sister Leticia
typo

[Graciela]

Here, here to Sister Leticia's and Nunsuch's comments! 

Aside from the dismissiveness that "cute" indicates, there is also the undertone that the most important thing about a woman is her physical attractiveness.  In the U.S., we use these types of descriptors about women so frequently that most folks probably do not realize how much these type of remarks encourage judging people, especially women, based upon their looks.   Imagine if an orthopedic surgeon, or the attorney representing someone in court, or the judge hearing the case, or German Chancellor Angela Merkel, were described as "cute" and it becomes apparent how disrespectful it is to call grown women in any vocation "cute".  

As a nurse myself, I want the nurses caring for me to be very smart and well-educated, brave, caring, flexible, and even, hopefully, to possess a sense of humor. "Cute" isn't even on the list.

 

 

[Sister Marie]

On 3/27/2017 at 8:24 PM, Makarioi said:

Well, I don't exactly see it that way.  Cute can be a term of endearment: engaging, delightful, dear....  It doesn't necessarily mean attractive or pretty.

 As a Nurse, I can tell you there have been many occasions when either a family member or physician has quipped to the patient (a sometime uncooperative one) that they were lucky to have the cute nurse or similar statement.  We'd have a chuckle but this cute Nurse got her message across when needed and they knew I meant business. I never felt that I was being dismissed or that my knowledge or vocation was being diminished or disrespected.  

 

I think there's a difference in feeling depending on who is doing the commenting.  I have worked with elderly people in nursing homes and when a resident makes a loving comment that I'm "cute" I take it as endearment.  I know it is meant with gratitude and love by someone I'm serving.

When my boss tells me I'm a good and valuable employee because I'm "cute" there's a problem - even if I'm a religious.  I'm not here to be cute.  I'm here to teach and do my ministry which is a part of my vocation.  I don't want my professional performance to be judged based on how "cute" or "pretty" I am or am not.  

I have also noticed that the people who feel free to comment on my physical looks are also the ones most likely to dismiss me when I have legitimate concerns or ideas for improvement in my ministry.