Unsure what to do

[LittleDiana]

I apologize. I didn't mean to offend or scandalize anyone.

I didn't make any judgement about the commitment of sisters who do not wear a habit (and I mean habit in a wide sense, not just full "habit") nor I use to do so in my day to day life. I think that not wanting to draw attention towards yourself is even a good reason for not wearing a habit; it's only that I think there are other equally valid practical reasons for wearing one (of course, those aren't the only ones or the most important type of, I didn't mean that, I'm sorry if that was what my words seemed to imply). I know that externals are not the reason why you embrace religious life, and I know there is more deep and spiritual meaning to a habit. I apologize again.

 

[kg94]

LittleDiana, 

My advice to you would be to focus on the interior charism of the congregation. Sometimes things like wearing habits and not wearing habits may, and could change over time. These are exterior things which are important, but not as important as the charism of the congregation. One must examine carefully the deep, interior motivations of why they wish to enter Religious Life and also the particular congregation. It would be helpful to have a spiritual director, or speak to one of the Sisters whom you know. This way, you may be able to keep objectivity and really think about whether it is God's will for you to enter a particular congregation. Of course, you must pray about it. This will take time. Don't rush into anything, just let events unfold as they will and allow the Lord to lead you. Listen with an open heart. 

In the meantime, I will keep you in my prayers. 

God bless, 

Kim-Thérèse

[Charbel]

Ultimately we are called to follow God. He knows where we will be happiest and all we have to do is trust and follow Him. Sometimes I feel like so many discerners get rather caught up in the "externals" because the process of discernment itself can be very exciting and it's hard not to get swept away with all the minor details.

Religious life is a complete self giving to God, and if that means giving up the things you thought were most important then your sacrifice is all the sweeter. Habit or no habit, we are all called to follow Christ and it's really a shame to see how many feathers get ruffled over something that's fundamentally not up to us, lol. All in God's hands

And @Julie de Sales , I agree with @Amppax . Talk to the Sisters and see where the Holy Spirit guides you! After all, you'd think He'd know what's best!

[Julie de Sales]

28 minutes ago, Charbel said:

Ultimately we are called to follow God. He knows where we will be happiest and all we have to do is trust and follow Him. Sometimes I feel like so many discerners get rather caught up in the "externals" because the process of discernment itself can be very exciting and it's hard not to get swept away with all the minor details.

Religious life is a complete self giving to God, and if that means giving up the things you thought were most important then your sacrifice is all the sweeter. Habit or no habit, we are all called to follow Christ and it's really a shame to see how many feathers get ruffled over something that's fundamentally not up to us, lol. All in God's hands

And @Julie de Sales , I agree with @Amppax . Talk to the Sisters and see where the Holy Spirit guides you! After all, you'd think He'd know what's best!

I agree that we follow God when entering religious life, but we should also take into account our desires and given the large number of religious communities that exists the temptation comes to always keep searching because maybe there is one congregation that would suit the discerner better. Having said that, I really want to move forward with this community and I've come to realize that even if some day, maybe, I will have to make the sacrifice of wearing a habit I'm fine with that. And I really want to give my life to Christ as one of them. What's also different now compared to how I approached discernment before is that I'm not searching for signs anymore or waiting for God to validate my decision through some sort of divine revelation. If I will make final vows in this congregation it will be validation enough. So I'm really excited to see if this is indeed the place God is calling me

I will also meet with a SD next month, hopefully he will help me navigate these waters and do God's will for my life.

[Sister Leticia]

19 hours ago, LittleDiana said:

I apologize. I didn't mean to offend or scandalize anyone.

I didn't make any judgement about the commitment of sisters who do not wear a habit (and I mean habit in a wide sense, not just full "habit") nor I use to do so in my day to day life. I think that not wanting to draw attention towards yourself is even a good reason for not wearing a habit; it's only that I think there are other equally valid practical reasons for wearing one (of course, those aren't the only ones or the most important type of, I didn't mean that, I'm sorry if that was what my words seemed to imply). I know that externals are not the reason why you embrace religious life, and I know there is more deep and spiritual meaning to a habit. I apologize again.

You've shown you can listen, take on board someone else's viewpoint, take correction, apologise... all of which will stand you in good stead, if you enter religious life...

As you get to know sisters more closely, and have conversations with them, you will hopefully learn more about their motivations, and that for those who wear it, a religious habit is about much more than convenience.

[Nunsuch]

If you can find a copy of the glorious memoir of Madeleva Wolff, CSC ("My First Seventy Years") you may want to pay attention to her arrival at St. Mary's, Notre Dame, and her first glimpse of the habit of the Holy Cross sisters. She HATED it. But she wore it because she had a vocation to that community (which she later led as superior and as president of the College). Habits can be a burden for some, who nonetheless wear them because it is part of the package--part of what following God's will in a particular congregation demands of them. So is NOT wearing a habit for others....

Regardless, the book is wonderful, and I highly recommend it.

[MiserereMeiDeus]

Praying for you in your discernment.  Our desires and God's will for us are connected, and of course everything has to be properly discerned. Just a personal opinion; I don't think it's silly to highly consider if a community wears a habit or not. That's not saying that all those who don't wear one are bad religious or "liberal." It's sad to have that kind of mindset. If you like a Habit, then you like a Habit. Look at those communities that are bursting at the seams with vocations, and young ones. I'm thinking now of the Benedictines of Mary, and the JMJ Carmels. They are getting plenty of entrances, and they are persevering so it's not just girls entering because they like all of the externals. They are getting true vocations. I'm sure the Habits were factors for them and the keeping of traditions. The JMJ Carmels now have 4 communities around the country and they continue to grow. Their vocation crisis is not that they can't get vocations, but that most of those in solemn vows are still in their twenties! That's great, but when they make new foundations they are not that experienced because they are still young in religious life. But, Our Lord provides.  It's definitely not a problem to complain about. Those Orders and/or communities that were struggling with getting vocations and went back to traditions and wearing a Habit/traditional Habit of the Order have been getting more vocations. This is saying something, but its not saying anything bad about those who choose not to. They are no less religious, but a lot of young, true vocations are desiring traditional.

Edited March 17, 2017 by MiserereMeiDeus
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[Julie de Sales]

Two months later and I have talked to Mother Superior about my desire to discern with them and she said yes, I will begin my journey into formation in fall. I have also shared the news with my close family which wasn't very excited about it, but I was expecting that. I'm very confident that pursuing this path will reveal to me if I'm really called to religious life and I know the sisters also desire what's best for me. 

I've really let go of my issue regarding the habit but now I'm sometimes bothered by other worries. Right now I can't stop thinking that if I spend a number of years in formation and down the road I realize it's not for me it would be harder to find a husband and have a family....I will be 24 in a couple of months and the thought keeps comming back that now it's the time to actively search for a husband, which doesn't sound right because I want to be a nun, but I guess I'm torn between the two....

Do some of you have any stories of people who have spent some years in disernment for the priesthood/religious life and then they still got married and raised their children? Maybe it would put my mind at ease a little bit.

[Nunsuch]

I know several people who have left religious life and married, many very happily, and some well over 30 years of age. BUT--I think that it is not a good idea to enter into ANY vocation thinking of one's options if it doesn't work out. I would go into religious life praying that this is where I belong, and seeking to do God's will, not worrying about what will happen if it doesn't work. To do otherwise would be like going into marriage and saying "well, I could become a sister if this doesn't work out." 

Maybe meditate on Matthew 6:24-25?

[Sister Leticia]

Hello Julie - congratulations on being accepted as a candidate/aspirant/whatever by these sisters! I'm sure that when you applied and were accepted you would have felt a sense of peace, and of the rightness of this decision - probably even relief that they said yes.

And then what happened? How soon after this did you start worrying about all sorts of "what ifs"? Did it begin as a little niggle and then gradually grow? Or did your family say "what if", and this put the idea into your head that - even in your mid-20s - you could end up "on the shelf", like a character in a Victorian novel? And now, what has happened/is happening to the happiness, peace, gratitude and relief?

Having doubts and worries is quite common. Sometimes they are a red flag, warning us to stop (eg doubts about an entirely unsuitable community), in which case they're a good thing. But they can also be more insidious, and they can easily remove all peace and tranquillity and replace them with inner turbulence. If you have an SD, or know someone trained in Ignatian discernment of spirits, do speak with them about these anxieties, and look at what might be going on within you.

Like Nunsuch, I know people who have left religious life and married/had families - but that isn't what you should be focusing on. Focus on where and how you think God might be calling YOU, which at the moment is to discern with this congregation. And you can only discern for NOW - not for 5 or 10 years' time. This can be hard if you are someone who is usually prone to worrying about the future, or likes to have things clearly mapped out. Entering can be a huge leap of faith, and you simply have to trust that God will be there to catch you.

[Julie de Sales]

Sister Leticia- I've always been the type of person that has a backup plan for everything and I am prone to worrying about my future because sometimes is unpredictable. I believe this thoughts did start as a little niggle and grew little by little, but I'm pretty sure I would be in the same situation if I would have made the decision to get married, worrying that maybe he isn't the right person for me, or he could be unfaithful or whatever. 

Thankfully I have a good SD who always helps me not to see things only from one perspective, but I haven't had the chance to talk to him about this yet. I'm trying to stay focused on the present moment but jumping into the future has become such a habit for me that it's difficult to stay grounded. 

[Sister Leticia]

So you know your tendency to worry about the future - that's some of the battle already won!

Life is full of all sorts of uncertainties and always unpredictable. There are very few things of which we can be 100% certain, but chief among these is God, and his enduring, infinite love for each one of us. And it is in this love that God plans for us and calls us to our vocations. So whatever God is calling you to, it has been planned and prepared with infinite love, and dedication to your growth, joy and wellbeing. Try to remember this.