Struggling with Masturbation and Pornography

[blessedisshe]

'm a 21 year old woman and have been struggling with pornography and masturbation for years. To put it into context, I innocently discovered masturbation when I was a child and did not realize the significance or implications of what I was doing. I wasn't raised orthodox Catholic (though I am now) so I didn't know that it was a sin until college. When I was a teenager, I was in a sexually abusive relationship. That made it worse because I felt like I was never good enough- my body, my values (which I had a chastity vow, and my boyfriend was not respectful of that), I felt so lowly. I know that it has catered on some level to my continued struggle with this problem. I've tried to give it up so many times, but I fail miserably. It's so embarrassing because as a woman, I feel like I'm the only one who has this problem. I can't confide in my friends because I'm scared they'd be disgusted by me. I'm the "Catholic girl." I go to Mass almost daily, serve in the church, wear a veil and dress modestly, and lead Catholic groups at my university. They would never suspect that I of all people would struggle with this issue. I've mentioned it in confession numerous times, but I'm scared to take the next steps. I don't even really know what the next steps are to breaking this awful habit. If anyone can relate to me, please feel free to comment and if you have any advice, it's welcome! 

[dells_of_bittersweet]

First of all, the idea that only guys struggle with lust is a brutal lie from the devil. I've heard that 90% of guys and 50% of girls have at least occasionally watched porn. 

I reccommend you listen to Audrey Assad's testimoy:

http://theporneffect.com/blog/post/audrey-assads-amazing-talk-for-women-on-porn-addiction/

http://theporneffect.com/blog/post/audrey-assad-on-female-porn-addiction/

Second of all, the world is full of people like you. People struggle with porn and masturbation regardless of church involvement. 

[He is Risen!]

Frequent confession is a must and I have a holy card of St. George with a prayer for purity on the back that is also helpful,  I will look for it and write out it out when I find it.

[LittleDiana]

Have you heard about the Angelic Warfare Confraternity? www.angelicwarfareconfraternity.org 

[Guest]

Three Hail Mary's Novena to Our Lady for Holy Purity http://www.ewtn.com.au/Devotionals/novena/3hailmarys.htm

[Credo in Deum]

@blessedisshe I'm in a similar boat with this vice and I understand very well the hold it has on those addicted. It's been one of the most difficult things to overcome in my life. I've overcome, with God's grace, substance abuse, overeating, smoking and drinking, but this one has been the worst of them all and I know it's because it has the deepest roots from past traumas and because it involves the most shame.  I've found having a good prayer life is key but also finding a good friend of the faith who understands the struggle with this issue is also key.  Believe me you're not alone and you're not the only Catholic woman who struggles with this. if you ever need to talk, vent, or just need someone to listen who understands the pain, then feel free to message me.  I have another Catholic friend and she struggles with the same issue and we regularly talk to do check-ins, prayer requests, and to just talk about the days struggles and victories. We both have had our moments of successes and failures but we're committed to always fighting. 

[LittleDiana]

Sometimes the "next step" includes not to be discouraged and keep fighting. Sometimes we have to remember ourselves that God loves us infinitely and that we do not "earn" God's love: he loved us first, even before we came into existence. Jesus said to st. Teresa "I would create the world again just to hear you say you love me". Sometimes I hesitate to tell Him that I love Him because I feel I am an hypocrite. How can I tell God that I love Him if I am showing every day in my actions that my love is not perfect? But then I remember that he thirsts for any act of love from us, as little as it can be. So, telling God that we love Him and that we will continue to fight for His sake, and asking Him for his help makes it easy for us not to despair. 

[Credo in Deum]

I forgot to mention there is a secular site dedicated to fight pornography. It's called NoFap.com/Forum. It has a lot of good information but you will also want to be careful because there's a lot of "new age" things as well as plenty of what people call "bro science." Regardless there are plenty of Catholics on this sight, which is how I met my accountability partner/friend.  Here is a link to the Catholic Group if you want to check it out: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?groups/roman-catholic-fapstronauts.27/

There is also a woman's section on the forum where you can talk to other women who are fighting pornogpahy and masturbation.

 

Edited February 21, 2017 by Credo in Deum

[Ice_nine]

This used to have a huge grip on me. Sometimes the temptation is there,  and biological urges are really strong, but I've been able to kick the habit for years. I'm also a woman BTW. Besides the prayer and confession stuff, which is necessary, there are a few practical tips.

Exercise. I know that when I'm physically active I have less pent up energy, I sleep better, I just have less angst and time to lust all around.

Understand that you're a sexual being and thoughts and passions are going to happen. Guilt is sometimes good, but it can also drive the undesired behavior. If thoughts get out of control, you may feel dirty and figure that you're a whore/sinner/otherwise disgusting person and figure why not just give in? I found that a lot of times that was my thought process. 

As for not indulging in sexual thoughts? I still struggle with that. If I'm thinking about a specific person I put the brakes on and force myself to recognize that they are an actual person and not merely a pliable mental representation in my head. If I'm having more generalized thoughts about sex I try to contextualize it. What do I really desire? I think on a deeper level its love, affection, acceptance. I need to realize masturbation only takes care of the basest desires for sexual pleasure and that of doesn't meet any of these deeper needs.

It sounds like finding a therapist might be beneficial for you. Especially in understanding your past relationship and how that still plays a role in all of this. A good therapist, catholic or not, should respect your desire to stop masturbating and your belief that it is a sin.

If possible find someone you trust that you can talk to this about. In person is ideal but the internet can be a good substitute.

Pm me any time if you need to. I'll try to remember to keep you in my prayers.

[NadaTeTurbe]

Hey, I have similar struggle, and I'm a victim of sexual abuse too. 
First of all, it's important that your desire to stop masturbating come from an healthy view of sexuality and the Church teaching, and not from hate of your body and your sexuality, coming from sexual abuse. The most important thing is for you to learn to love your body, given to you by God. The same God offer us forgiveness for our sexual sins, by the Sacrament of Confession. Do not refuse God's forgiveness. Once it's over, it's over. You do not need to beat yourself with your past faults. Accept God's love and mercy : 
 

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness and the gall.
²⁰ I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.
²¹ Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
²⁴ I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

 

Lamentation 3 18-24

 

I would strongly recommend for you to see a therapist, christian or not, or even volunteers, for what you've lived with your abuser. Please feel free to PM me, I'm a volunteer with sexual abuse victims. 

[Spem in alium]

There has been good advice given to which I can't add much. All I can really say is: know you are definitely not alone, and try to trust that Jesus is walking with you in your struggles. You are in my prayers. 

[chrysostom]

rosary. rosary. rosary!

that, and seeing a therapist - preferably Catholic if possible but if not then at least an understanding one.

[Era Might]

Just remember that Jesus wasn't a self-help guru or a prude. In the parable of the widow, he says "for they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all the that she had." Some things come naturally to people. Some are naturally prudent, naturally restrained, naturally temperate. This is not virtue but nature. Jesus asks us for brutal honesty. The tortured prude is not honest, because they imagine that they are supposed to be someone else. No! To be honest is to bring to Jesus who you are, in all your passions. Passions are what? They are irrational impulses, and Jesus loves the irrational more than the rational. He is not a philosopher but a philanthropos, a lover of man. Passions are means of knowledge. Don't try to deny them or explain them away. But life is a journey where, in a different context, passions are purified in wisdom. Sexual passion gives way to love, but not always at once. Don't be ashamed, only be honest, about what you feel. Anything less than honesty is antichrist.

Edited March 26, 2017 by Era Might