Do you "have" to have a spiritual director?

[providence]

Actual practical question: I'm discerning, and the vocation director for the order I am discerning with recommended that I look for a spiritual director. I've made some initial inquiries and the only person trained and available is, unfortunately, someone I have a bad history with. I'm all about leave your sacrifice at the altar and go and make peace with your brother, but at the same time, I am definitely not willing to entrust my soul to this person. I live in a small town with few Catholics, so I'm sort of out of in-person options. Any suggestions for a person in my situation? Do people do "long-distance" direction? I'd ideally like to seek out a woman for a spiritual director (laywoman or religious, no preference), fwiw.

The reality is I'm only seeking out direction because it was recommended to me by the vocation director, whom I have known for many years (long before I was discerning w/her order) and consider a holy, wise person. I want to trust the process, and I consider this part of it. I don't really have any interest in spiritual direction. Admittedly, that is partially because I have had bad experiences with confessors / other spiritual authority figures in the past and have an instinct toward self-protection (even just from poor direction, not necessarily from anything malicious). Mostly, though, I've just never felt particularly called to it or in need of it, I find that I have very good mentors and guides around me and they are sufficient in this regard. So I guess I've got two questions: (1) suggestions on what to do? (2) do you "have" to have a spiritual director if you're discerning?

Related curiosity question: Do all sisters/nuns have spiritual directors? (I know who those directors are varies by order, but I'm curious about whether that relationship is a universal.)

[Swami Mommy]

Would this site help?

http://www.catholicspiritualdirection.org/

[Sponsa-Christi]

I would argue that having a spiritual director when discerning religious life is an exceedingly good idea, but strictly speaking it's not a requirement. If you really are uncomfortable with the idea of formal spiritual direction, and if you have other mentors in your life, my thought is that you could still discern religious life "on your own" (i.e., just working directly with the community you're discerning with). 

One thought, too, is that different people have different understandings of exactly what spiritual direction should entail, and what would qualify a person as a spiritual director. I know I've always understood a spiritual director to be more of a co-discerner than an authority figure. I've had spiritual directors give me strong suggestions and emphatic advise before, but none of them have ever asked for anything like religious obedience. 

I also don't think that a person needs to be specifically trained in spiritual direction per se in order to be a good SD, although I personally would never go to someone for SD who didn't have at least some kind of basic theology background. 

Not all nuns and Sisters have spiritual directors, although of course many do. For some religious, there is a thought that a Sister can ordinarily get sufficient guidance in the spiritual life simply from living the life of her community and following her Rule and constitutions. 

(And while I know you didn't ask this---I think for consecrated virgins/aspiring CVs, having a spiritual director is MUCH more important than it is for religious/those discerning religious life.)

[MiserereMeiDeus]

When I entered religious life I didn't have a spiritual director but I had a priest who I kept in contact with, long distance, and he supported me. In this way it was very beneficial not only because he is a holy priest but because I needed a letter of recommendation from a priest. I don't know about all Orders, but the entrance applications for Carmel you need a letter from a priest. Just something to maybe keep in mind or at least get to have your parish priest know you so maybe he could be the one to write the letter for you if you need one.

[Feankie]

As a trained SD myself, I see people "face to face".  I know I've explained why in other threads on SD in the past.  No, nobody is "obedient" to me!!  A SD is not necessarily nor need be your confessor as often that becomes counterproductive.  And that's not what we're all about.  In a nutshell, SD is walking with another - - helping you help/find/discover your true self where you are today, not in the past, so you can move forward - - helping you find the answers that only you hold down deep inside yourself.  I don't give answers, but I provide suggestions for prayer, spirituality, etc. based on what I'm hearing/sensing and what the directee is sharing.  We are in it together.  It's a give and and take.  It's a bit complicated to explain, but I believe everyone can benefit from a SD whether discerning or not.