Unsupportive Mom

[Feankie]

Wow, Sister.....you took the words right out of my mouth (so to speak).  As a SD I was thinking the same thing. A red flag indeed! Never in my wildest dreams would I ever convey that sentiment to a young person - or any person for that matter.  Perhaps I'm extremely sensitive to the subject as our Archdiocese just went through hell and back with the priest abuse scandal.

If I could, JJJPK, I would counsel you to take a step back and examine your relationship with your "good priest friends".  And I would have to say you need to get your familial "house in order" emotionally and physically, before even beginning to discern. Let's just say you were to be accepted for an Aspirancy, don't you think your feelings about your situation at home would bubble up to the surface? Novice Mistresses and professed Sisters/Nuns, when interacting with young religious such as Aspirants and Postulants (even Novices for that matter),  are very alert to signs that would indicate sublimated feelings due to anger and other issues.  Wouldn't you rather wait than to be sent home?  That would only add a layer of confusion and anger to your situation.   It's not easy to be in religious life, and you've got to have your physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological houses in order before even considering the convent/monastery.  It wouldn't be fair to your community or to yourself.

Please find yourself a good SD or a wise adult you can trust to speak with.  You're very young and have plenty of time to make a vocational decision - whether to vowed religious life, marriage, consecrated virgin, single life, 3rd Order, etc.  Take the time to experience life, to get plenty of life-lessons under your belt.  It takes a lot of time to really discern where one is called to be, most especially to hear the call of God where He wants you to be, not where you feel you should be.  Pray, go to Adoration and seek the Lord's guidance, listen and be open to His plans for your life.  God Bless.

 

Edited January 18, 2017 by Francis Clare

[OnlySunshine]

To the original poster, if it makes you feel any better, almost anyone who has or is discerning is in the same position you are now - we all need to do a little growing and maturing at the beginning.  When I was discerning religious life, I was quite immature at the beginning.  If you can imagine what it is like during an engagement or honeymoon, there was all this excitement bubbling at the surface.  It's similar to what new converts - neophytes - to Catholicism experience.  Discernment is, believe it or not, a very long process.  It starts out with the desires and then moves into active discernment - your stage now - and then, when you enter a community, it moves to formal discernment.  Discernment to religious life doesn't actually end until you make final profession.  When you enter a community, the Superior and Postulant/Novice Mistress are discerning with you whether or not you fit into their charism.  Each community is different, even if their spirituality is the same - if you went from one Carmel to another Carmel, there would be differences as is the Benedictine order.  They may have different interpretations of the rule.  Also, you are not living by yourself - you are living with a household of women and you are required to put away your conflicts (they do happen; look at St. Therese and her struggles with life in the monastery).  Imagine being in close quarters with someone you really don't like and being forced to act as if they are your best friend - it has happened and may happen to you!  Even the nicest person won't get along with everyone.  It helps if you have experience dealing with tricky situations.

[DameAgnes]

Possibly these two pieces, written by the father of a nun, can help?

http://aleteia.org/2016/11/06/when-i-prayed-for-vocations-i-didnt-mean-god-could-have-my-daughter/

http://aleteia.org/2017/01/19/so-your-loved-one-has-become-a-religious-now-what/

[Lamb]

Hi! I'm new, too.  

My mom has become more at peace with my discernment lately, but she's struggled with it a lot in the past. What was most upsetting to her was thinking that she would never see me again. If you haven't already, ask about how often your family can visit and write to you if you join. This way (if your mom is struggling with the same things as mine), you have something concrete to tell her. It sounds like you are in the same state as the Benedictines of Mary; that is a good thing. No matter what, though, God is more important than your mom. Have compassion for your mom, understand her pain, be broken-hearted that you are hurting her, but have faith in God and put Him first.  

Something to think about in terms of when to enter, I always used to plan on entering when I turned eighteen, but I didn't. (Partially because didn't think I had found the right community, but also because I wanted to mature a bit more). I decided I would go to college for a year and then drop out, but after only two or three weeks of it, I realized that I felt so very at home that I had to stay on. I'm glad of it now, because every year I have matured more than I thought possible. Of course, I'm not saying everyone must attend college before joining a convent. I spoke to a novice who entered the cloister at eighteen, and she liked how she "grew up" in the convent. 

One more thing... You mentioned wondering if you'd be bored. The VD at the community I'm discerning with said that the most surprising thing about cloistered life is just how busy they are!! I recommend asking the nuns about that, too, if it still bothers you.