Is paying for spiritual direction simony?

[NadaTeTurbe]

2 hours ago, Gabriela said:

I also thought the points about deacons were really interesting. I feel like deacons are the Church's most under-utilized resource at the moment, and this seems like a great responsibility to give them, considering their historical ministry is aid to the laity and priests just about never have time to offer spiritual direction these days. I think we should train every deacon in spiritual direction and let 'em loose.

And what about consecrated virgins ? @Sponsa-Christi , what do you think ? 

[Sponsa-Christi]

@Amppax and others...canon law actually doesn't speak very often at all about spiritual direction. In fact, spiritual direction per se isn't really given a specific definition, so "spiritual direction" could mean a number of different things in different contexts. One thing we do know is that spiritual direction on its own isn't a sacrament. So TECHNICALLY, I don't think you could accuse a spiritual director who charges a fee of formally committing the canonical crime of simony. 

However, on a theological and moral level---and considering more the spirit of canon law rather than the strict letter---I personally feel that charging money for spiritual direction (i.e., "spiritual direction" in the sense of the term we normally use here) is similar enough to simony to be problematic. The intimate details of one's interior relationship with God is just about the most sacred part of oneself, so to me charging money in exchange for helping someone grow in this area seems really inappropriate. For example, if the goal of SD is to grow in holiness, and one pays money for SD, then is one paying for a growing closeness with our Lord? Even if that isn't technically simony, it's way too close for comfort in my eyes. 

I also agree with the points brought up in the linked article about the distastefulness of spiritual directors marketing themselves in a business-like fashion. Additionally, I would worry about a number of conflicts of interest that charging for spiritual direction might bring about. E.g., is the SD just going to tell directees what the SD thinks they want to hear because the SD's livelihood depends on having paying clients?

But I think the situation is different if a directee freely chooses on his or her own initiative to do something to thank an SD, even if this gesture of gratitude is something like giving a donation to the SD's religious community. Also, there are situations where a priest might be a full-time spiritual director at a seminary, and that case I think it's only just that that priest be given a salary or otherwise have his material needs met in the same way as any other seminary staff member---but the difference here is that a seminary spiritual director isn't being paid by those individuals whom he directs.  

12 hours ago, NadaTeTurbe said:

And what about consecrated virgins ? @Sponsa-Christi , what do you think ? 

Yes! I think this would be an excellent way for consecrated virgins to serve the Church in their dioceses.

[Gabriela]

@Sponsa-Christi, I think you make excellent points. And your seminary SD suggests that the ideal situation would be for every diocese or even parish to have a full-time paid SD. That way "the worker receives their wages", but there's no conflict about it because the wage doesn't come directly from the directees. With sufficient deacons and CVs, this would be doable, provided lay Catholics would cough up enough money for it.

Yet I still feel like an even better scenario is one that's related more to our previous discussion (in another thread) on spiritual parenthood (motherhood/fatherhood): Isn't it best if every mature Catholic keeps an eye out for other Catholics who might be in need of parenting/direction, and develop relationships with those whom they might be able to help? To me, this is a much more natural, organic, and so superior way of doing direction. It also means the relationship is never a financial one.

I say this because I feel like the problems with spiritual direction today are the result not just of a shortage of priests, but of faithful Catholics in general. There aren't enough laity out there who can provide solid, dedicated, loving guidance to "up-and-coming" Catholics. We aren't sufficiently well catechized for it, or sufficiently prayerful, and we don't have the time to dedicate to it. And this, I think, is the bigger problem. Because if we had these laity—if we had a real Catholic community, or Catholic culture—spiritual direction would be available to us all the time, as a natural part of our environment.

To me, this option is much, MUCH better than just creating another paid position at the diocese, or adding spiritual direction to somebody's job description. That's a bureaucratic solution, IMO, and would only change so much, when what we need is a completely different way of seeing and doing spiritual direction.

Am I making sense?

Edited November 6, 2016 by Gabriela

[Feankie]

Although this idea sounds good on the surface, I can see several problems right off the bat.  First off, perhaps we need to define just what is spiritual direction?  Are we talking true spiritual direction, spiritual companioning, spiritual mother/fatherhood, etc.  Solid, loving guidance is part of it, sure.  But that doesn't even scratch the surface to what I and others provide as trained spiritual directors.

Our training is rigorous and to even get into a program, one needs a solid theological background. I entered my multi-year program with a BA in theology, a MA in pastoral theology, and a D.Min.  That's not to say everyone needs that depth of education, but it's just an example.  We receive training in psychology, recognizing signs of abuse (all types, not just physical) and reporting it if required to by law, communications skills (verbal and non-verbal) , just to name a few areas.

Well meaning faithful Catholics can do damage without meaning to.....I've had to do the "clean-up" work on many an occasion.

So perhaps we need to define terms before we proceed any further

[Gabriela]

1 hour ago, Francis Clare said:

Although this idea sounds good on the surface, I can see several problems right off the bat.  First off, perhaps we need to define just what is spiritual direction?  Are we talking true spiritual direction, spiritual companioning, spiritual mother/fatherhood, etc.  Solid, loving guidance is part of it, sure.  But that doesn't even scratch the surface to what I and others provide as trained spiritual directors.

Our training is rigorous and to even get into a program, one needs a solid theological background. I entered my multi-year program with a BA in theology, a MA in pastoral theology, and a D.Min.  That's not to say everyone needs that depth of education, but it's just an example.  We receive training in psychology, recognizing signs of abuse (all types, not just physical) and reporting it if required to by law, communications skills (verbal and non-verbal) , just to name a few areas.

Well meaning faithful Catholics can do damage without meaning to.....I've had to do the "clean-up" work on many an occasion.

So perhaps we need to define terms before we proceed any further

Aside from credentials, can you provide some concrete examples of what you do for directees that a counselor and/or loving elder could do? Cuz I've had four different spiritual directors, including a religious and a priest and a certified SD and a licensed counselor, and frankly none of them have done anything that someone who's familiar with the Rules of Ignatius and who's reasonably insightful couldn't do.

[Feankie]

That is impossible for me to answer without personally knowing you and speaking with you one on one, face to face.  For the confidentiality of my directees, I can't give you actual examples.

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult time with SD's.  Perhaps, without sounding judgmental, you might examine why you are seeking a SD, what you expect to receive from SD, what you expect your sessions to be like, what your desired outcome is, what effort you need to put into your SD, and how well do you plan to follow your SD's advice.  My directees and I have this conversation even before I agree to take them on.  We set ground rules and boundaries for the both of us.  It's kind of an informal contract we make with each other so there are no surprises or impossible expectations.

One thing SD is NOT is psychotherapy. And some people come thinking that is is psychotherapy with spiritual overtones.  There are psychologists and LCSW's, etc. for that.  If I ever detect that the directee needs these services I don't hesitate to make a referral.

I don't want to get into a "war" over this subject.  Credentials and training are important, but it takes much more than letters behind one's name to make a good SD.

[Gabriela]

6 minutes ago, Francis Clare said:

That is impossible for me to answer without personally knowing you and speaking with you one on one, face to face.  For the confidentiality of my directees, I can't give you actual examples.

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult time with SD's.  Perhaps, without sounding judgmental, you might examine why you are seeking a SD, what you expect to receive from SD, what you expect your sessions to be like, what your desired outcome is, what effort you need to put into your SD, and how well do you plan to follow your SD's advice.  My directees and I have this conversation even before I agree to take them on.  We set ground rules and boundaries for the both of us.  It's kind of an informal contract we make with each other so there are no surprises or impossible expectations.

One thing SD is NOT is psychotherapy. And some people come thinking that is is psychotherapy with spiritual overtones.  There are psychologists and LCSW's, etc. for that.  If I ever detect that the directee needs these services I don't hesitate to make a referral.

I don't want to get into a "war" over this subject.  Credentials and training are important, but it takes much more than letters behind one's name to make a good SD.

I'm not trying to start a "war". I'm trying to understand what you see as the difference between spiritual direction and spiritual parenthood/accompaniment, because in your last post you said there is one. But given my experience with spiritual direction, I'm not convinced there is one. Could you explain what you think it is in general terms?

[Feankie]

Spiritual parenthood accompaniment is walking with/beside another as they travel on their journey of faith.  Perhaps there are suggestions given to deepen one's faith, and perhaps it's simply an affirmation of one's progress.  And that's not a bad thing in itself.  

SD's also walk with a person, but we are trained to dig deeper, to help the directee get at the root causes/s of where they might be "stuck", to help the directee see for themselves where and how they need to grow spiritually and relationally.  We use various methods to do this - asking probing/leading questions, helping the directee dig deep into their own self to discover the sticking points or areas for growth, listening with a discerning ear, observing body language or lack thereof, listening to the tones of voice, etc.  There are subtle clues we look for and listen to in order to give appropriate suggestions.  Our goal is to help the directee self-identify problem areas/potential areas for growth, to affirm progress, to suggest appropriate reading and spiritual exercises, etc.  And all is done in the strictest confidentiality.

Does that help a bit?

[Gabriela]

7 hours ago, Francis Clare said:

Spiritual parenthood accompaniment is walking with/beside another as they travel on their journey of faith.  Perhaps there are suggestions given to deepen one's faith, and perhaps it's simply an affirmation of one's progress.  And that's not a bad thing in itself.  

SD's also walk with a person, but we are trained to dig deeper, to help the directee get at the root causes/s of where they might be "stuck", to help the directee see for themselves where and how they need to grow spiritually and relationally.  We use various methods to do this - asking probing/leading questions, helping the directee dig deep into their own self to discover the sticking points or areas for growth, listening with a discerning ear, observing body language or lack thereof, listening to the tones of voice, etc.  There are subtle clues we look for and listen to in order to give appropriate suggestions.  Our goal is to help the directee self-identify problem areas/potential areas for growth, to affirm progress, to suggest appropriate reading and spiritual exercises, etc.  And all is done in the strictest confidentiality.

Does that help a bit?

It does. It's clear now that we're using the terms in different ways. To me, spiritual parenthood and spiritual direction are basically the same. I mean, I wouldn't consider someone my spiritual parent who doesn't provide some kind of direction like that you describe. Spiritual friendship is fully equal and I might consider that "accompaniment" as you describe it. But spiritual parenthood implies one party has more maturity and so can (and does) guide the other. That being said, even a spiritual friend might, on occasion, do some or all of the SD behaviors you mention; it's just that they don't define the relationship in this case, as they do in spiritual parenthood/direction. Honestly, in any spiritual relationship, I would expect some of those activities you mention being exclusive to SDs. I mean, otherwise, the "spiritual" part of the relationship really wouldn't have much depth or substance, IMO. It'd just be a regular old relationship.

I think most people distinguish between spiritual parenthood and spiritual direction because we tend to see the former as more informal, less institutionalized, and the latter as more formal, more institutionalized. But I think those distinctions are arbitrary and, really, the role is the same.

Anyway, thank you for providing some examples to clarify how you define the terms!

[Feankie]

To me, spiritual parenthood and spiritual direction are basically the same

And there is where we will have to agree to disagree!  IMO it's not a matter of terms i.e. spiritual parenting vs. spiritual direction.  It becomes a matter of roles and the depth/breadth of the relationship.  Never once in my years of doing SD have I ever considered myself as a spiritual parent to one of my directees nor have they considered me their spiritual mother.  That is not my role. My role is not to parent.  But that is a discussion for a different day.

But I have to be done with this conversation as it appears to me to be a circular argument.  I do hope you find someone who you can work with and relate to.

 

[Hna.Caridad]

At the risk of resurrecting a dead thread…

 

I don’t get on phatmass very often & this thread has had me thinking since my last foray into the phorum—I figure that anything that leaves me pondering for that long is worth resurrecting a dead thread over…

 

It’s the difference between spiritual direction & spiritual motherhood that got the mind working.  For me, there’s always been a difference & I’d never been able to articulate it.  In the hopes of clearing some things up in this thread (or at least in my mind), I’ll do my best to explain it now.

 

For me, spiritual direction is more or less how Francis Clare described it:  we meet once a month or so & I do most of the talking.  I talk about what’s going on in my life, where I see God, how my relationship with God has changed as a result of what I’ve experienced, etc.  My spiritual director asks clarifying questions, reflects back some observations based on what I’ve said, perhaps offers some tips on how to get past the “stuck” areas, etc.

 

Spiritual motherhood is different.  When I’m with a “spiritual mother”, she’s the one doing most of the talking, while I’m the one doing most of the listening.  I usually ask a question to get the conversation going.  Ultimately, the conversation is an opportunity for me to learn about how the other person experienced God in a given situation—this may or may not give me insight as to where I might be able to find God in a similar situation.

 

I view my spiritual director as a professional with more training, though not necessarily more experience that I have.  I view spiritual mothers as those who have way more experience than I have, though not necessarily more training.

 

Spiritual motherhood isn’t something that one can professionally prepare or train for—it’s a recognition of holiness that can only be bestowed by a follower/listener.  One of the major benefits of being in a congregation with a lot of older Sisters is that there is no shortage of wisdom and holiness to be offered & received. 

 

I often find myself feeling uncomfortable when I hear young people yearning to be “spiritual mothers/fathers”—it strikes me as being similar to a seminarian striving to be a cardinal or the pope!  Spiritual motherhood/fatherhood isn’t something to be sought after—holiness is.  If a woman lives a holy life, she may or may not be recognized as a spiritual mother, as it’s completely outside of her control as to whether or not there will be listeners or followers.  Charles de Foucauld comes to mind immediately when I think about this.  What’s important isn’t whether or not one is a “spiritual mother/father”—what’s important is whether or not one is holy.

 

That being said, the world is full of holiness—radiating with holiness.  Spiritual mothers and fathers can be found in monasteries and convents, homeless shelters, hospitals, and prisons.  It’s up to us to recognize and seek them. 

 

Finding a “good fit” with a spiritual director is important and can be much more difficult, however.  For what it’s worth, it usually takes me about 5 years of monthly meetings before I feel that a spiritual director knows me well enough to really be able to tap into what’s going on & offer me helpful suggestions/advice.  I’ve had a couple of directors where I was able to recognize immediately that there wasn’t a “good fit”.  The others were kind of “meh”.  Nonetheless, I kept going & the next thing I knew, they had suddenly become spectacular!  All I can say is that it’s worth the effort to hang in there…

 

I hope this is helpful.