Too old For a vocation?

[Nunsuch]

Vocation to love, I don't think that MOST formation these days is "one size fits all" at all. In most congregations in the US, given that the numbers are small and the focus on individuals is great, most I know who have been information recently have found the process highly individualized and hardly rigid. You may be referring to an out of date and highly regimented model, but it's by no means all that is out there--or even predominant. 

I know women of all ages, from their twenties to their late fifties, who have gone through formation in the past decade or so--some in the same congregation. Each had experiences that were geared very particularly to their needs, spiritual circumstances, and what they brought to the community.  I don't know with whom you have been speaking, but they clearly are not those I have come to know and work with. 

[Spem in alium]

We need to be open to older people who do feel called, but at the same time have boundaries to protect the person entering and the community - for the similar reason why many religious congregations do not accept people under the age of 18. Some may even tell an 18-year-old interested in joining to wait a few years.

Once you have a certain amount of life experience in the "secular world" (not 100% satisfied with that term, but it will do for now), it's very difficult to transition. I'm in my 20s, but I even feel that difficulty. It's difficult to go from being independent to being dependent; from earning money to having nothing; from being around my family to seeing them infrequently; from working to being at home in the convent. Granted, I have far less experience than a person in their 30s, 40s or 50s, but these things are hard. They take courage, humility and openness to change, all of which I really need.

There have been older women enter my congregation and refuse to do things the way they were asked to do because it wasn't how they had done it before. I'm not saying that all older people would do that, but as we do get older it's less easy for us to be able to be formed as an individual. I think this is partly because we've formed ourselves already, more or less, and partly because it requires a lot of dependence.

4 minutes ago, Nunsuch said:

Vocation to love, I don't think that MOST formation these days is "one size fits all" at all. In most congregations in the US, given that the numbers are small and the focus on individuals is great, most I know who have been information recently have found the process highly individualized and hardly rigid. You may be referring to an out of date and highly regimented model, but it's by no means all that is out there--or even predominant. 

I know women of all ages, from their twenties to their late fifties, who have gone through formation in the past decade or so--some in the same congregation. Each had experiences that were geared very particularly to their needs, spiritual circumstances, and what they brought to the community.  I don't know with whom you have been speaking, but they clearly are not those I have come to know and work with. 

Exactly! I am the only candidate in formation in my province, so my formation has had to be individualised  I can see that formation needs to be tailored to each person, because each of us is unique, with individual needs, experiences, weaknesses and gifts.

Edited November 1, 2016 by Spem in alium

[Maggyie]

I understand Vocation to Love, and I feel for anyone who has been hurt by the practices of the church. It can be easy for people in different situations than the "norm" to be made to feel unwanted and useless; but truly they are priceless gifts we can not do without. 

[Vocation to love]

Thank you for your comments. I am heartened to hear of your personal stories and that in your experiences there has been individualised formation.  This is very important. Spem I totally agree that it is harder when you are used to being independent to join a community.  I wouldn't disagree at all but it also is the case that many older applicants have struggled because formation was not tailored to the individual. In fact in one case one person was told it was impossible to form older and younger people side by side as this would lead to inconsistencies.  I am sure the people who say and believe these things are not Ill-meaning but this model of formation is unhelpful. That's what I'm trying to say and I think you are agreeing with. 

Maggyie you have a good heart. God bless you.

[Sister Leticia]

There was a reference at the beginning of this thread to "some Religious Orders say they only take people up to 35". Here in the UK I can think of only one community which advertises its vocation events for women up to 35 - and for all I know they might be open to discerning with someone a couple of years older. Meanwhile off the top of my head I can think of 2 monasteries and several apostolic orders (including ourselves) with people in initial formation in their 40s and 50s - and there are many other orders who have had, or would be open to, candidates at least up to their early 50s.

In addition, a congregation was founded in England in 1982 specifically for older women - Mater Ecclesiae http://www.mater-ecclesiae-convent.co.uk/

Smaller noviciate intakes mean that as far as possible formation can be geared to the individual, for entrants of all ages, so that experience, education, gifts - and lack of them - can be taken into account. For example, one entrant might have worked in a homeless project, but needs some classes in basic theology, while another one has studied it to postgraduate level but has never been near a soup kitchen, and so on. BUT there will also be times for all of us, regardless of age, when we might have to swallow our pride and hold back from sharing our expertise, or accept being the "newbie" and not being the expert or the leader or the one who "does" and "achieves". And swallowing our pride isn't easy, by any means - but it's one of the many small renunciations we can make for love of the God who has called us.

[Vocation to love]

It is good to hear what seems like many rather positive accounts, but at the same time I wish you could hear the many bad experiences that people have had. Unfortunately these are shared quietly and are held under the surface. I think if they were brought to the surface in a kind and thoughtful way it would be beneficial to all. 

[Guest]

Hi @Vocation to love- I read your post here just prior to closing off and going to bed (I am in Australia and probably in a different time zone to perhaps most).  I was actually replying to Maggyie and her comments as stated in my post.  Also I did prefix my final comments with "As a general comment" meaning that I was commenting on the subject generally and not addressing any other member's comments in particular.  They were general comments on advanced age and vocation.

Nothing in my post, linked above, was addressed to you directly and hence I found your comments to me personally, and about me personally, quite puzzling.

 

 

[Vocation to love]

Hi BarbaraTherese you did sayVTL thank you for sharing so I presumed that that was to me.  Anyway apologies -  if I don't see my name I won't put a name in a reply in future. As I'm fairly new to this site I didn't know the protocol.  Thank you for letting me know. 

[Guest]

28 minutes ago, Vocation to love said:

Hi BarbaraTherese you did sayVTL thank you for sharing so I presumed that that was to me.  Anyway apologies -  if I don't see my name I won't put a name in a reply in future. As I'm fairly new to this site I didn't know the protocol.  Thank you for letting me know. 

No problem VTL - we were all new to the site at one time and feeling our way around things and I for one have put my foot in things more than once, and have no guarantees at all I wont do so again in the future. 

  If you look at my original post here, you will see that I quoted Maggyie initially in my post, which will most often mean that I am replying to her.  When I later thanked you for your own post using the initials of your Phatmass identity it was indeed addressed to you.  Since it was more or less prior to going to bed for the night I decided to thank you for your comments and opinions addressed directly to me and leave it at that until this morning.

As I said, no problems!    The written word can be easily misunderstood.

 

 

[Vocation to love]

Thanks BarbaraTherese.  just discovered these! What fun! God bless you. 

[Guest]

God bless you also