Material Possessions and Discernment

[AuthorOfMyLife]

 

Hello, all!

I have a question about material possessions and discernment. First of all, I am "discerning" religious life - in the sense that I feel confident God is calling me to some form of consecrated life, and not to marriage. I am not sure what that form will be able to take due to health issues, and I haven't yet been able to visit any communities, but I'm working and praying and we'll see what happens.

That said, I come from a fairly low-income family and I don't make that much money per month. I am fortunate enough to work as an organist /cantor at four Masses per weekend, and at funerals, weddings, etc. when I am hired. I also sell religious items (scapulars, paper dolls of the saints, etc.). My point is that I'm very careful about money.

I can honestly say that I don't spend much money on myself. Every once in a while I'll buy an audiobook or a movie, but my expensive purchases are pretty much always necessary items, such as a phone, a good computer, and other items I have to have in order to create the art I sell.

Anyway, to get to the point: for many years I have really wanted a beautiful articulated / ball-jointed doll that I could use as a model for my illustrations. I kept looking, finding dolls, dismissing them as too expensive, repeat. Anyway, I recently came upon one that is absolutely beautiful and exactly what I wanted. The only problem is that the doll is $300!

I am afraid it would be a sin against the principle of poverty to consider such a purchase, even though I have the money because I have saved and saved for years, for my family's needs and for emergencies. I do donate to charities, especially pro-life charities, and I thought maybe if I donated the same amount to a charity it would be less selfish. 

I also don't know if, in the event I am able to enter a religious community, I would be allowed to keep the doll as an illustration model (not as a toy). The doll I am interested in looks like a naturally-proportioned adult female (and is only 11"), and would be used as a model for my illustrations of saints. It seems like if I can use her as a model for 5-10+ years, $300 wouldn't be that much.

Anyway, what do you all think? I'm rather embarrassed to ask, but I feel guilty for even contemplating the purchase and don't really know who else to discuss the issue with!

Thank you in advance

[truthfinder]

Why does this bother you? You are in no way obligated to poverty. I'm not sure of the going rate of this sort of thing, but quality and sturdiness of something should also be taken into account - that would be prudence. 

[nikita92]

Greetings Author of my life!!

First of all...let me say that I think you are a gifted embroider with those beautiful scapulars you make! 

I am in a simular situation. I will be visiting a christian community...that requires one in order to  join them to be fully free of material possesions; as they are strickly community based. I have just a couple of items that I really dont want to have to part with!! 

I will be visiting them for one full week at the end of October! I plan on asking them the question simular to yours!

I would go ahead and buy it....and when the time and community comes ..you can then inquire about the possibility of bringing your model doll with you! I think it depends on the type of community and how strict they might or might not be! Its not the cost of it....but the purpose it would serve you, while you are living a religious life! It has a saintly purpose! ;))

 

[EmilyAnn]

I agree with truthfinder. You are in no way obligated to poverty, and as you have said you would be able to use it for years. And if you do enter, you can discuss it with the community but something like that, with a clear useful purporse, wouldn't be too much of an issue I don't think.

Treat yourself

[DominiCanis]

I know exactly what you mean.

I am discerning too and try to ´get used to´ living in poverty. I come from a wealthy family and earn a fairly good living myself. But I have never indulged myself a lot in luxury. My close family members also have a modest lifestyle. However, since I am discerning I think even more about the way I spend my money. For instance I try not to eat or drink very luxurious (meat, sugar, alcohol), organic food if I can get it, I buy organic non-sweatshop clothes etc.

A couple of months ago I felt like buying a new bicycle. This is about a $ 1200 spend, so it´s a lot of money but it is a really good, fast, multi-purpose and durable bicycle. I do not own a car, and always travel by train, subway, bicycle etc. Since I bought the new bike I used less train, subway, bus, etc. because it is so great to ride. I think it reduces my global footprint a lot, not to mention how it improves my health.

If you will make good use of this doll for your daily work, and if it improves your art, I don´t see why you shouldn´t do it. Do you really need it? Does it improve what you´re doing or does it make things easier? I think these are questions you should ask yourself.

Edited September 16, 2016 by DominiCanis

[Jack4]

In addition to what they said, it seems to me that you might be slightly scrupulous. It is very advisable that your confessor know this, if he doesn't already.

[AuthorOfMyLife]

Thank you so much for your replies! (and thank you, nikita92, for your very kind words about my scapulars!)

I know I'm not obliged to any kind of poverty, so it wouldn't really be a "sin" in the sense of going against a vow of some kind. It just seemed kind of "wrong" considering what I hope my future will be like.

But I'll be careful about being scrupulous! I'm really not scrupulous–except in financial matters! I actually think my concern about spending on myself comes from my father's behavior toward my mother, because he habitually made her feel guilty even for buying necessities. He accused her of being selfish and careless with money (it was not true: she was extremely careful with the limited resources we had), and I think the idea of "not being good enough" to have nice things rubbed off on me. I'm sorry for inflicting my emotional problems on you all! ( I'm kidding - you have helped me a lot!).

I will consider the issue a little more, and pray about it too. I will say that, with this kind of doll, $300 is on the lower or more average scale, since many are $500+. I certainly wasn't able to find anything similar to the one I like for less.

Again, thank you all!

[Feankie]

Disclaimer:   As a S.D. (not yours, of course) I would ask you to think deeply about the reasons why you are 1. considering purchasing the doll, and 2. what is holding you back.  You say you are discerning RL...just in the  infancy stages and it's a L O N G process.  If God indeed confirms that calling after much prayer, visitation with Orders, 3rd Orders, CV;s, etc. and speaking with a SD, consecrated life can take many, many forms and it's logical conclusion does not necessarily lead to a convent or monastery.  In the meantime you need to support yourself.  You need to focus on the "here and now" and not on the "what if's."  Please don't make the mistake (and I might add I've seen in quite often) of putting the proverbial cart before the horse and living and acting as if you're entering the convent tomorrow.  You must take the time and energy to discern what you need to do for TODAY.  Donating to a charity is a very noble gesture, but if it means taking away from your basic income stream then I would gently ask you examine your motives for doing so.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  You need to eat, to make the money to eat, etc.  And if that involves the purchase of a tool to allow you to do just that, then I wouldn't try to second guess yourself.  As mentioned above, I too note a hint of scrupulosity in your post.  Do you have a SD?  If you are discerning that becomes a "must."  Some, like myself, consider it a ministry and don't have a charge, others do....it can be minimal or quite steep - it depends.  Ask your priest or Archdiocese for a referral.  I'm sure the doll will come up in one of your sessions and the SD working with you will be better able to explore it with you than I am online.  Please don't beat yourself up over this......there are far worse things to spend money on! I will pray for you.

[Swami Mommy]

1.  It is NOT selfish or indulgent to purchase something you could use to improve the finished products of your craft in order to increase your income stream.

2.  It is good that you recognize that your hesitancy is the result of the dysfunctional dynamics of your parents' relationship around money that you imbibed as a child.  Choosing your own relationship to money that is different than theirs does not make you less worthy of their love.

3.  Since you are already living a life of careful spending, there should be no question of whether you are capable of honoring a vow of poverty should you ever enter religious life.  You are entitled to honor your own basic needs and modest desires, especially if those desires are meant to help you provide for your necessary basic living expenses.

4.  If you buy the doll and then enter a community that doesn't allow you to keep it, you can always sell it on eBay and donate the proceeds to the community's coffers.

[emptyforgod]

Something that has come up in my prayer and conversation a lot is the idea of living in the present moment. That is where we find God. While one needs to remain prudent about spending, if it is an asset to your life and livelihood now, it would make sense to purchase it. 

[Spem in alium]

Many great points have been made here.

I just want to add that poverty itself is not simply about what we own, or how much an item costs. It's about how we use and treat what we own. I use that to justify my own expenses and the things I keep. For example, I had the same phone for 5/6 years, and this year it started failing so my superior told me I should buy a new one. I spent a lot of money on my new phone, more than I think I've ever spent on any item for myself, but it's a good model and should last for a long time if I take care of it. Of course, people can look at me and wonder how I can own things like that if I'm living a consecrated vocation (and I've come across people with views like that), but I think this perception just comes from what poverty has come to mean.

[AuthorOfMyLife]

Thank you all for your advice and prayers!

Francis Clare, you are absolutely right that the discerning process is LONG! Especially for me, because of my chronic health issues.

Thank you (and everyone else) for discussing living in the present versus living in the future. You make very good points. My younger brother said something similar is talking to me about investing in the future, reminding me that I can't say "But I'll be in a convent in five years!" because I don't know that. I DO know that in the present I need to have a job, I need to plan for future expenses, including those for my mother (since I partially support her), etc.

About the S.D…I know it is very important to have one. I have just had trouble finding someone I am comfortable with. I do discuss my spiritual concerns with my brother, though, who is a priest. He always gives me good advice (and in this case, I am sure he would laugh and say basically the same thing you are saying: don't be so hard on yourself!).

You're right, Swami Mommy, that I could sell the doll in the future (and there is quite a community of collectors).

Spem in alium, your situation sounds very familiar to me! When I do buy anything, I research carefully to make sure it will last for years. 

I do feel better about this. As was suggested, I am trying to think why I really want to make this purchase. Partly it is because I do think the doll would be very helpful to my work (with photographs, posing for illustrations, etc.). But the other part is that since I was a child I have been fascinated with these beautiful little pieces of art, so even if it wouldn't be remotely useful to my work, I would still love to have one. That's probably the part that makes me feel guilty, because I don't "need" it in the sense that I absolutely need wool for my scapulars or a printer.

But, hey! That's okay. Other people visit Japan or Disneyland or go see Broadway musicals.

I guess on some level I am afraid that making too many plans for the present will ruin any hopes I have for the future. But as a mater of fact I do need to focus on present things (such as what I can do about my health). 

Anyway, I hope I haven't seemed too crazy in bringing this up! 

[NadaTeTurbe]

12 hours ago, AuthorOfMyLife said:

I guess on some level I am afraid that making too many plans for the present will ruin any hopes I have for the future. But as a mater of fact I do need to focus on present things (such as what I can do about my health). 

Anyway, I hope I haven't seemed too crazy in bringing this up! 

If you can read these meditation of the Present time by Chiara Lubich : http://www.newcitypress.com/here-and-now.html I think you will learn a lot  

 

[AuthorOfMyLife]

4 hours ago, NadaTeTurbe said:

If you can read these meditation of the Present time by Chiara Lubich : http://www.newcitypress.com/here-and-now.html I think you will learn a lot  

 

Thank you! I will look at these!

[beatitude]

On ‎16‎/‎09‎/‎2016 at 9:32 PM, AuthorOfMyLife said:

I do feel better about this. As was suggested, I am trying to think why I really want to make this purchase. Partly it is because I do think the doll would be very helpful to my work (with photographs, posing for illustrations, etc.). But the other part is that since I was a child I have been fascinated with these beautiful little pieces of art, so even if it wouldn't be remotely useful to my work, I would still love to have one. That's probably the part that makes me feel guilty, because I don't "need" it in the sense that I absolutely need wool for my scapulars or a printer.

As others have said, poverty is about more than the price of things - it's an attitude of the heart. Increasingly I find it's connected to joy.  I'm a big reader and before I joined my secular institute I used to spend a lot of money on books for pleasure. Now I'm still a big reader, but instead of buying books I go to the library and hunt them out. I've found that if anything, this increases my joy in reading - there is fun in browsing the shelves not knowing quite what I'll find, anticipation when I stumble on a new author, the sense of having met an old friend when I discover a favourite book I haven't seen in years. I also like it when the library doesn't have the book I want and they request it for me with the inter-library loan system. It's not so convenient as just ordering it from the Internet, but the enjoyment is so much greater when I finally get my hands on it. I don't buy nearly so many books any more, but I enjoy just as many stories.

It's obvious that the thought of the doll inspires similar happiness in you, and it's a happiness you will be able to share with others through your artwork. If you want to live more simply, I think it helps to ask yourself two questions: a.) will the purchase bring you joy? and b.) will it enable you to share this joy with others? The other day I saw some lovely boots that in that moment I really wanted, but I knew that buying them was going to bring me any real happiness, only a temporary gratification - the thought of filling up my wardrobe with more possessions just makes me feel bogged down. Answer those two questions honestly and I don't think they will ever lead you wrong. You will probably end up buying relatively few things, but you won't feel guilty when you do buy something.