"Spousal" spirituality- only for consecrated people?

[Julie]

So, I realize there might not be a cut and dried answer to this, but I thought I'd pick the thoughts of the lovely phamily.

Do you think that people with a really "spousal" spirituality are always it nearly always called to some form of consecrated life?

Could someone relate to God in that way, and still be called to marriage?

At first glance, it seems the answer is no (which would greatly affect my own discernment). But it also seems like maybe marriage would draw someone MORE into that type of spirituality.

But then again, maybe I'm delusional.

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

No! The Church is the spouse of Christ, 2nd each baptized soul is the spouse of Christ. Women in consecrated life image this reality to the Church more explicitly. Obviously, consecrated virgins even more so. Both because of their consecration which is distinct for each form of life. St. Bernard talks a lot about the spousal relationship of the soul to God. Fr. Blaise Armingon in the Cantata of Love comments on the Song of Songs from the 3 fold spousality of Israel, the Church and the soul: Fr. Blaise Arminjon http://www.ignatius.com/Products/COL-P/the-cantata-of-love.aspx

[Sponsa-Christi]

I think any answer to this would have to be a very nuanced one.

I do think that consecrated virgins (and by extension, many other kinds of consecrated women) are called to a different, much more radical kind of spousal spirituality than women married to an earthly spouse. Speaking from my perspective as a consecrated virgin, sort of the whole point of my not getting married was so that I could offer Christ my entire capacity for that kind of love. Or in other words, Christ really does take the place of an earthly spouse for me.

I don't think it would be healthy for a married woman to try to have the same kind of spousal spirituality as a consecrated virgin in this way, since the call of a married woman is to love her earthly husband as her spouse. E.g., it wouldn't be good if a husband felt like he had to compete with Jesus for his wife's love, attention, and affection!

However, as Sr. Mary Catharine mentioned, there are other ways we might consider the term "spousal spirituality." Saints like John of the Cross often use nuptial imagery as a kind of analogy or extended metaphor for a soul's (i.e., every soul's) relationship to God. But in this sense, Jesus as the bridegroom of one's soul is more like Jesus as one's ultimate fulfillment, rather than Jesus taking the place of a literal spouse. 

I wrote a blog post which touched on some of these issues here: http://sponsa-christi.blogspot.com/2015/03/who-can-be-called-bride-of-christ.html

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

2 hours ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

I think any answer to this would have to be a very nuanced one.

I do think that consecrated virgins (and by extension, many other kinds of consecrated women) are called to a different, much more radical kind of spousal spirituality than women married to an earthly spouse. Speaking from my perspective as a consecrated virgin, sort of the whole point of my not getting married was so that I could offer Christ my entire capacity for that kind of love. Or in other words, Christ really does take the place of an earthly spouse for me.

I don't think it would be healthy for a married woman to try to have the same kind of spousal spirituality as a consecrated virgin in this way, since the call of a married woman is to love her earthly husband as her spouse. E.g., it wouldn't be good if a husband felt like he had to compete with Jesus for his wife's love, attention, and affection!

However, as Sr. Mary Catharine mentioned, there are other ways we might consider the term "spousal spirituality." Saints like John of the Cross often use nuptial imagery as a kind of analogy or extended metaphor for a soul's (i.e., every soul's) relationship to God. But in this sense, Jesus as the bridegroom of one's soul is more like Jesus as one's ultimate fulfillment, rather than Jesus taking the place of a literal spouse. 

I wrote a blog post which touched on some of these issues here: http://sponsa-christi.blogspot.com/2015/03/who-can-be-called-bride-of-christ.html

I agree! Thanks, Sponsa for making this clear-er! I was staying on the theological level and sort of forgot the practical, psychological and spiritual level.

[Julie]

10 hours ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

However, as Sr. Mary Catharine mentioned, there are other ways we might consider the term "spousal spirituality." Saints like John of the Cross often use nuptial imagery as a kind of analogy or extended metaphor for a soul's (i.e., every soul's) relationship to God. But in this sense, Jesus as the bridegroom of one's soul is more like Jesus as one's ultimate fulfillment, rather than Jesus taking the place of a literal spouse.

Thanks. Your article was helpful. I guess this sort of shows that I have a maybe very very confused idea of what I'm talking about, but could you (or anyone) maybe say a little more about the difference between the metaphorical spousal love of say, John of the Cross and a more literal spousal love? I mean, obviously St John is a man and could only have a "bride" type role in a VERY metaphorical sense... But I'm not really sure where the "line" is drawn. Like, if a woman wrote of God exactly as he did, it would seem pretty literal... 

I'm not sure whether my question is very answerable, but I'd be very very grateful for any further clarity at all.

Edited August 30, 2016 by Julie

[Sponsa-Christi]

@Julie I'm glad you found the article helpful!  I do have some ideas on how to answer the theological component of your question (like, proposing a special call to a spousal relationship with Christ as a charism), but I don't think that's what you asking here.

As a rough-and-ready answer...I don't think all women for whom St. John of the Cross's writings resonate automatically feel like: "Wow, Christ has taken over my whole heart to the point where I don't think I could really share the emotional intimacy of a spouse with anyone else." But that's how it sort of was with me, and I think probably also for a lot of other consecrated women. I think the difference between "consecrated spousal spirituality" and "normal spousal spirituality" is that dimension of exclusivity. 

[miserere]

I identify with this question so much (enough to post something!).  I don't have answers for you, Julie, but I also am trying to understand how one can either a) relate to God in a non-spousal way while still giving Him absolutely everything or b) have a spousal relationship with God while still giving oneself to a spouse.  

One of my friends said that she viewed her then-fiance as her "personal Jesus" in the sense that there was someone she could love for Christ very concretely, and that in loving him she was loving Christ.  That might be able to incorporate spousal spirituality.  But I do agree with Sponsa-Christi, that for some people called to the consecrated life an exclusive "marriage" with Christ is how they view their life and that for them it would prohibit marriage to another normal human being.  I think it's similar to how many RL vocation materials speak of "giving all to God", even though all people can and should do that in their different vocations.  It's felt or identified with in a special way. 

[Aside: I don't mean to get into the thread that BarbaraTherese moved into OpenMic - it's hard to write in a way that takes into account the universal call to holiness and the sanctifying power of all vocations while also acknowledging personal spirituality and the spirituality of at least some women's orders.]

While I don't know if it would be helpful for you or if you've read it, "Heaven's Song: Sexual Love as it was Meant to Be" by Christopher West goes into how spousal love, particularly the conjugal union, is an image of God's spousal love for humanity and how they relate, to an extent.  (I'm finding I'm having to tease out the latter part on my own.)  It's based off of some TOB talks St. John Paul didn't give in his Wednesday audiences on human love in the Song of Songs.  It's at least given me some ideas and food for meditation as to how one can give all to God in marriage, and maybe have spousal spirituality within marriage.

If you're 18+ you might want to post your question in the Raising Small Humans board, since some of the married ladies who might not hang around VS have discerned or were in RL, and they might have very helpful insights.  Also, please feel free to PM me if you want.