Been there, done that

[DameAgnes]

http://aleteia.org/2016/08/25/choosing-between-god-and-your-boyfriend-doesnt-have-to-eitheror/

[Sponsa-Christi]

At the risk of looking like I'm picking a debate...I'm not sure I totally agree with this answer. Yes, of course you can be holy (and indeed, even a canonized saint) in either marriage or consecrated life. And yes, of course when you are actually discerning your own vocation, you should indeed consider what state of life with be the best in terms of getting you specifically into heaven.

But in the consecrated life, there is a strong element of choosing God over other good things, including the good of an earthly spouse. Everyone is called to put God first in their life, but consecrated persons make real sacrifices in order to put God first in a much more radical way. 

Certainly nobody should feel guilty about choosing to marry one's boyfriend. But at the same time, I think in many cases it can be praiseworthy to give up a romantic relationship in order to focus on God more exclusively. And I imagine this can be subjectively experienced as choosing God over a boyfriend.

[Gabriela]

On 8/26/2016 at 0:41 AM, Sponsa-Christi said:

But in the consecrated life, there is a strong element of choosing God over other good things, including the good of an earthly spouse. Everyone is called to put God first in their life, but consecrated persons make real sacrifices in order to put God first in a much more radical way. 

The same is true of non-consecrated vocations.

But otherwise I agree with what you say.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

Gabriela--I agree.

Certainly it is an enormous sacrifice to give up marriage, a spouse,and children. But marriage is REALLY HARD, too. I'd argue that in its own way marriage is just as hard as consecrated life (whether living in community or as a consecrated virgin).

Yes, if you are married, you have a spouse and probably children--which are definitely comforts--sometimes. But they usually also bring problems and burdens. Anecdote: A religious sister in her mid-80's (and 65+ years of religious life) told me once that she was really glad she had entered religious life because when she saw the lives of married women in her local congregation, for many of the women marriage was extremely difficult, even awful, and the wives had to live with things the religious sister couldn't imagine herself coping with. 

From what I can see, each of the choices has its great hardships and its great comforts and joys. The option that is best for a given person is what God calls them to.

Also, remember that roughly half of marriages end in divorce, even Catholic ones. There is yet another unconsecrated state (the one in which I find myself) of being strongly called to marriage, but based on my ex-husband's choices, finding myself single involuntarily. I've never met a man since my divorce that I've even come close to wanting to marry. (It's a jungle out there.) So I have the problems of loneliness and poverty that go with the single life, while not being called to that life. And yes, I am celibate, so no comfort there.

Bottom line: We all have it tough and need to pray for each other, wherever we have been called (or whatever state we find ourselves).

 

Edited August 29, 2016 by IgnatiusofLoyola

[Maggyie]

On August 26, 2016 at 0:41 AM, Sponsa-Christi said:

At the risk of looking like I'm picking a debate...I'm not sure I totally agree with this answer. Yes, of course you can be holy (and indeed, even a canonized saint) in either marriage or consecrated life. And yes, of course when you are actually discerning your own vocation, you should indeed consider what state of life with be the best in terms of getting you specifically into heaven.

But in the consecrated life, there is a strong element of choosing God over other good things, including the good of an earthly spouse. Everyone is called to put God first in their life, but consecrated persons make real sacrifices in order to put God first in a much more radical way. 

Certainly nobody should feel guilty about choosing to marry one's boyfriend. But at the same time, I think in many cases it can be praiseworthy to give up a romantic relationship in order to focus on God more exclusively. And I imagine this can be subjectively experienced as choosing God over a boyfriend.

Consecrated persons "make real sacrifices in order to put God first in a much more radical way." But this isn't a specific call of persons with a special consecration. This is the call of all the baptized. The command given to all Christians is to be perfect as the Father is perfect. It is a radical religion, and there is no junior varsity where one can get away with a lesser commitment. 50 years after the Council there is still a lack of understanding of the universal call to holiness and the nature of the baptismal promises, and it shows both in the numbers of canonized saints and also in the original query, "do I need to choose between my boyfriend and God?"

[Guest]

11 hours ago, Maggyie said:

50 years after the Council there is still a lack of understanding of the universal call to holiness and the nature of the baptismal promises,

Well said..............and that goes for the whole post too.

Edited August 30, 2016 by BarbaraTherese

[Guest]

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